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Grandmothers friend won't let us care for her

Cat1977

Registered User
Aug 8, 2013
3
0
Hi I'm cat and new to this. My grandmother is in her 70s and lives with her friend most of the time, he spends all her money on alcohol and gambling. We have broached this with him but he just gets aggressive and Denies this but we know its true as the bank has confirmed they have saw him take her money from him. I now have access to her bank account and both our names are on the card so I get money for her and take her shopping. Now here's the problem we know she has dementia but has to go for tests she had a brain scan to go for today but refused because he has told her that we are only doing this to get to her money (I own my own business and have bought my house outright I don't need her money) she is now telling everyone that me and my daughter are robbing from her and very publicly accused me today while in the bank while referring to me as this lady. I really am at my wits end as she won't come back to live with me but I don't think she is safe living with this friend because if any of us make a sudden movement she shouts don't hit me, we would like to get her into some sort of sheltered accommodation if she won't come back to live with me but don't know where to start. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
How long has this friend been in her life? Please don't worry about the accusations (easy for me to say when I can't take my own advice). Most carers on here have been accused of taking their money. Have you tried talking to her GP? Could you arrange for the Memory Doctor to visit her when her friend is out of the way?

Mum didn't want to go to the Memory Hospital as she thought that was for "mad" people and she's not "mad". We asked for the doctor to come to her house which was acceptable to her.

I hope some of the regulars from the financial advice part of this forum see this as they'll have better ideas on how you can protect your nan.

Is she living in her own home/jointly owned/his home?
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,958
0
Brixham Devon
As Noorza asks-who owns the home?

If it's hers get rid of him.

Phone SS's as your Grandmother is a vulnerable person.

How did the friend react when he found you had joint control of her bank?

This is very worrying for you.

Keep posting as I'm sure others will be along with good advice for you.

Take care

Lyn T
 

Cat1977

Registered User
Aug 8, 2013
3
0
As Noorza asks-who owns the home?

If it's hers get rid of him.

Phone SS's as your Grandmother is a vulnerable person.

How did the friend react when he found you had joint control of her bank?

This is very worrying for you.

Keep posting as I'm sure others will be along with good advice for you.



Take care

Lyn T

Thank you for your replays

It's his house. My daughter and I have said we will pay any additional costs for rent council tax etc if he puts her name on the house but he won't hear of it, she has known him all her life.
He reacted badly when he knew I had joint control of the bank account to the point where he has now brainwashed my gran into thinking that we have fraudulently done this and has told her to go to a lawyer but by luck the bank knows us and the situation and witnessed my gran sign the mandate. We give her money every day but know that he spends it. He's very aggressive with us now if we try to talk to him about anything. He knows my grans condition and if we go to see her he kicks off and says he's throwing her out and if we can't take her we have to put her in a home which is very upsetting for her.
He has also accused my daughter of stealing money out her account, when I was on holiday, from various cash points which was impossible as I had the bank card. We just don't know what to do for the best.
 

Cat1977

Registered User
Aug 8, 2013
3
0
How long has this friend been in her life? Please don't worry about the accusations (easy for me to say when I can't take my own advice). Most carers on here have been accused of taking their money. Have you tried talking to her GP? Could you arrange for the Memory Doctor to visit her when her friend is out of the way?

Mum didn't want to go to the Memory Hospital as she thought that was for "mad" people and she's not "mad". We asked for the doctor to come to her house which was acceptable to her.

I hope some of the regulars from the financial advice part of this forum see this as they'll have better ideas on how you can protect your nan.

Is she living in her own home/jointly owned/his home?

It's his house he won't put her name on it and we said we would pay any additional cost but he won't hear of it, he keeps saying he's going to throw her out but I think with is just so we will pander to him.

We think he has scared her into it going for her hospital appointments because if its as bad as we think they may well put her in a home which means he won't get the extra money we give her day to day.
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
It's his house he won't put her name on it and we said we would pay any additional cost but he won't hear of it, he keeps saying he's going to throw her out but I think with is just so we will pander to him.

We think he has scared her into it going for her hospital appointments because if its as bad as we think they may well put her in a home which means he won't get the extra money we give her day to day.


Why should he put her name on the house if its his? I'm not understanding the reasoning behind that? Are they living as man and wife or just friends with gran as a lodger?
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,937
0
North East England
My advice, for what it's worth, would be to contact Social Services and tell them that she is a vulnerable adult and that she may be made homeless by the person with whom she house shares......they may not know that her has a lodger either, which might affect his benefits.