I read here regularly but have posted rarely as my situation is just so complicated I'm not sure anyone would believe it.
My grandmother has some form of dementia - she has all the classic signs - but is in complete denial and refuses all help including medical help (she is not formally diagnosed) and help in the form of meals on wheels, daycare, carers etc. she will not hear of going into sheltered housing or a care home and has been obsessed with the idea of living with someone else - at first it was me, then various other relatives and acquaintances. She is estranged from both her children and all her other grandchildren so they are not interested and she has no real friends. She and I had a close and loving relationship for years and years but I have been through such hell over the past five years due to her dementia that I eventually broke contact until she agreed to get help - but she never has. My gran is paranoid and aggressive and accused me of stealing from her, called me terrible names, phoned people up and ranted about me so that they would then ring me and be nasty to me and accuse me of neglecting her, stealing from her or abusing her in various ways, not one bit of which was true. On top of all this I suffer from a chronic pain condition and a rare condition called Addison's disease which makes life hard enough as it is.
I have done everything I can from a distance to try and keep her safe (apart from have her to live with me which I just couldn't do). I alerted both her doctors and Social Services years ago as to her deteriorating condition and the fact she has little support but they are very cagey about discussing things with me even though my gran clearly lacks capacity now - they are no help at all.
A few weeks ago she turned up at my door for the first time in ages and when my husband took her home he was horrified to find that she had set light to a footstool in her sitting room by having it too close to the fire. There were also scorch marks on the carpet. We contacted SS straight away and they said they were already aware of the situation but they clearly have no intention of doing anything much, despite the fact that she is now obviously not safe to be living alone - she has also started wandering at night. There is no POA in place and I just have no idea what to do. Does anyone have any ideas how I can get SS to agree that she is a danger to herself and no longer has capacity?
Thank you for your help.
My grandmother has some form of dementia - she has all the classic signs - but is in complete denial and refuses all help including medical help (she is not formally diagnosed) and help in the form of meals on wheels, daycare, carers etc. she will not hear of going into sheltered housing or a care home and has been obsessed with the idea of living with someone else - at first it was me, then various other relatives and acquaintances. She is estranged from both her children and all her other grandchildren so they are not interested and she has no real friends. She and I had a close and loving relationship for years and years but I have been through such hell over the past five years due to her dementia that I eventually broke contact until she agreed to get help - but she never has. My gran is paranoid and aggressive and accused me of stealing from her, called me terrible names, phoned people up and ranted about me so that they would then ring me and be nasty to me and accuse me of neglecting her, stealing from her or abusing her in various ways, not one bit of which was true. On top of all this I suffer from a chronic pain condition and a rare condition called Addison's disease which makes life hard enough as it is.
I have done everything I can from a distance to try and keep her safe (apart from have her to live with me which I just couldn't do). I alerted both her doctors and Social Services years ago as to her deteriorating condition and the fact she has little support but they are very cagey about discussing things with me even though my gran clearly lacks capacity now - they are no help at all.
A few weeks ago she turned up at my door for the first time in ages and when my husband took her home he was horrified to find that she had set light to a footstool in her sitting room by having it too close to the fire. There were also scorch marks on the carpet. We contacted SS straight away and they said they were already aware of the situation but they clearly have no intention of doing anything much, despite the fact that she is now obviously not safe to be living alone - she has also started wandering at night. There is no POA in place and I just have no idea what to do. Does anyone have any ideas how I can get SS to agree that she is a danger to herself and no longer has capacity?
Thank you for your help.
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