1. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    My little girl is the perfect forum name as that is what you always called me. Even after nearly 10 years I still miss you. You were the one person who always listened & helped me with my problems. The last 18 months of your life changed you till you were almost unrecognisable as the beautiful strong vibrant woman you once were. But one thing remained - your smile! When you smiled your whole face lit up and you looked so peaceful.

    I don't know if anybody will ever read this but I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for 23 wonderful years.

    I also want to thank you for being the best possible guardian angel to Joshua. He is your first great-grandchild and I really wish he could have known you. The only consolation I have is that if he had - somebody else would have been his guardian angel instead of you and that would never do! From the moment he was born I have felt you near, sometimes I can almost hear your voice saying how perfect he is.

    Thank you for everything you ever were, thank you for your smile, thank you for the memories.
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    My little girl, how proud your grandma would be of you, and of your lovely son, Joshua. (I have a grandson called Joshua, and I'm proud of him too).

    Thank you for your beautiful post, and welcome to TP.
     
  3. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    Thank you.

    Joshua is only 22 months old but he knows his Great Grandma. I have shown him pictures & told him how wonderful she was. If I show him family photos and ask him where is his Guardian Angel he points to her!

    Together we are taking part in the Memory Walk in memory of her (although in his case it will probably be a Memory Push as I am not sure if his little legs will cope with the walk!)

    I know she would be proud of us both but it doesn't stop me wishing that she was still here. I remember my sister once describing her (when she was ill) as another "senile old woman" saying that she didn't care what it was doing to Grandma - just "the effect it was having on mum". At the time I wanted to slap her across the face for being so callous but looking back there were times I also wished it was all over so she could rest. It is nice to know that others have felt that way too.
     
  4. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    What lovely ways of keeping your gandma's special qualities alive. Her influence and love will continue through the generations.
    Blue sea
     
  5. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    Thank you to everybody for their kind words :) . My grandma would be pleased that her illness and my love for her has meant that I can meet new people and make new friends. She only ever wanted my happiness.

    The best birthday presents I have ever received have been from my Grandma. For my 21st birthday she gave me her engagement ring (it was shortly after that when she became ill). She died when I was 23 and yet for my 30th birthday, almost 3 years ago, my mum gave me Grandma's wedding ring. I wear them both with pride - they never leave my hand. Grandma was my strength, my support, my rock and as I said in my initial posting, whenever I felt low she listened and understood and she always gave the best advice! Now whenever I feel that I can't go on - usually when I realise how much I lost when she died - I touch her rings and ask her for strength. It may be psychological but she always delivers!
     
  6. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    420
    Dear my little girl,

    I was reading your posts and some of your words could have been mine. I experienced the same closeness with my nan (gone 6 years now) and my great-aunt who died last November. I, too, still feel their presence around me most days, and I too can still hear their advice and kind words which will always guide me through difficult times.

    Your grandma will always be with you and Joshua and I'm sure she's very proud of you both. The closeness you shared in life doesn't disappear in death, but it gives you strength to carry on and is always something you can fall back on. The lovely memories of happy times don't die.

    Best wishes,
    Tina
     
  7. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    For some reason, not sure why, I'm really missing you today Grandma. Please help to give me the strength to go on. Why does it still hurt that you've gone? :( :confused:
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,666
    Kent
    Dear my little girl,

    From what you have said about your relationship with your grandma, I don`t think her passing will ever stop hurting.

    Perhaps you are expecting it to stop hurting, as the years go by, and perhaps you are expecting too much.

    Perhaps, because your grandma was so special to you, it will never stop hurting and perhaps if you learn to accept that, the hurt will not be as intense.

    You and your grandma were priviledged to have had such a warm and loving relationship.

    Take care xx
     
  9. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    #9 my little girl, Aug 31, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2007
    Dear Grannie G

    You are right - i'll never get over losing Grandma. However, your words have just reminded me of a song I love (Time to Learn by Mary Duff (an Irish singer)) - just wish I could follow the advice

    "It takes time to learn, that you're gone for good
    You're not coming back, like I wish you would
    In the empty hours, when I miss you so
    Then it's time to learn to let you go"

    I have been so blessed with Joshua and try each day not to think about Grandma - it's easy when he's around but when I'm at work or he's in bed I can't help but remember her. Things she said and did. I do try to focus on the happy times more than after she became ill but not always easy. On one of the last times I saw her she told me I was beautiful, I replied that she was biased and in my eyes she was beautiful too. She just smiled her beautiful smile. When I close my eyes I can still see that smile, bright enough to light my darkest hours.
     
  10. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    As an update at 23 months old Joshua took part in the Memory Walk with his mum (me) - although my prediction was correct - he was pushed round.

    Together we raised £227 for the Alzheimer's Society - all in memory of the best Grandma/Guardian Angel ever!!!!

    We both still love you & I still miss you.

    I visited your grave last month on your birthday, but you already knew that didn't you. Most people may think it morbid but I find it helps having somewhere I can go to on special dates (and not such special dates) where I can feel close to you and talk like we used to. I'm only sorry I don't get there more often but maybe that's because I carry you in my heart wherever I go so sometimes I don't feel the need to visit.

    I wonder if you can recall what I said when I found out I was expecting Joshua. I came to your grave & told you & Grandad that you were going to be Great Grandparents but as far as I was concerned you always were GREAT Grandparents. Give my love to Grandad too. (You may have been widowed for nearly 20 years but at least you are together again now.)
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,666
    Kent
    Dear my little girl

    Well done to you and Joshua for raising so much money from the memory walk. I`m sure your Grandma would have been proud of both of you.

    I hope you keep posting here, in memory of your grandmother, and to enable you to put your thoughts into words.

    Love xx
     
  12. Michele

    Michele Registered User

    Oct 6, 2007
    1,224
    We certainly are reading this. Memories are wonderful and to be cherished forever.

    xx
     
  13. shirlwlm

    shirlwlm Registered User

    Oct 27, 2007
    5
    shropshire
    my little girl

    Hi my little girl,
    I can relate to your feelings I too had a very special relationship with my nan she played a very special part in my upbringing and childhood and there isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about her and miss her terribly.I dont think I will ever stop missing her and now Im reliving it all over again now with my mum who has AD and looks just like my nan. Be brave and be glad you have so many happy memories.
    love Shirl x
     
  14. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    On Monday last (07/01) it was 10 years since you left me Grandma. It has taken me until now to feel brave enough to post my thoughts about that without crying. I know I have said this before but I love you & miss you so much it really hurts - even after all this time.

    For Christmas mum got me a pendant with the following inscription "My Little Girl Yesterday, My Friend Today, My Daughter Forever" I just burst into tears when I had read the first 3 words. Just knowing that it had been 10 years since anybody ever called me "My Little Girl". Mum hadn't realised as she had got Vicky the same and Vicky had cried too over the sentiment of the message. It only dawned on her when she saw me on Boxing Day when I reminded her what you called me that there was a further significance in the inscription for me.

    I will always be your Little Girl yesterday for there can be no todays or tomorrows until my life is over too and we can be together again. But don't worry I am not feeling like I want that to happen tomorrow anymore cos I have Joshua to live for now.

    Remember how you decided that I needed feeding up when I was at school? Your love has left me with a weight problem that I am constantly battling, which is worse since I became a mum. I am attending a well known slimming club that calculates food into points values and have now embarked on a sponsored slim in your memory. The proceeds of which will go to the Alzheimer's Society. (If anybody reading this would like to help me then please visit my justgiving page at www.justgiving.com/nicolakitto)
     
  15. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    The battle goes on

    Please don't be disappointed in me Grandma, I didn't reach the goal of a stone by Easter. The battle continues however & I now have a new goal to try & lose the additional weight + a further stone by my holidays. The last thing I ever wanted to do was let you down! I loved you so much - I still do. I just wanted to make you proud as you look down from heaven. I just wanted you to be able to say "There she is - that's my little girl" with the same pride in your voice as you always had.
     
  16. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,666
    Kent
    Oh that is not how your grandma will value your worth. Please have some belief in yourself.

    If you would like to join our Talking Point Slimming Club in addition to the one you attend, keeping on their diet, you will be most welcome.

    Perhaps with us, you will feel the support of those who know dementia and the suffering of dealing with loss.

    We weigh in every Sunday in the Tea Room.

    Love xx
     
  17. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya ,missed you when you first posted back in August..what a lovely description of your grandma "beautiful strong vibrant woman you once were. But one thing remained - your smile! When you smiled your whole face lit up and you looked so peaceful"....reminded me of someone i once knew.

    I am sure that your grandma is very proud of you...reaching your target would have been good...but striving for it and continuing to strive is brilliant.

    So pleased that you feel able to share your thoughts and memories on here.

    Love Helen
     
  18. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    Weight loss!!!

    Grandma!!!

    Maybe missing you as much as I have been since Easter (When I feel like I let you down) has helped me - (that and the fact Steve is away on a training course!)

    Got weighed last Thursday night and had lost 5lb!!!!! YES 5LB IN A WEEK!!!!!!!! This has been the first opportunity I have had to post it here tho. It now means I'm back on track - 13.5 lb to lose in 14 weeks. I can & will do it in memory of the best Grandma ever!
     
  19. clarethebear

    clarethebear Registered User

    Oct 16, 2007
    197
    manchester, uk
    Hi My Little Girl

    I'm sorry to hear you didn't reach your Easter goal, as I know from reading your posts how much it meant to you.

    I'm sure your grandma is still proud of you, althought you didn't reach the goal you wanted to at the time you wanted. Unlike some people you have not given up. I wish you all the luck with your new goal.

    Take Care
    Clare
     
  20. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    Wish me luck Grandma - about to go & get weighed!! Not been a good week - may need to re-address diet come tomorrow!!!!:D
     

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