Grandma

[Louise1982]

hello
My gorgeous grandma is in the final stages of dementia she had a seizure last monday and hasnt eaten since then she is now not taking fluids as she cant swallow. I have been to see her today and it’s broken me, i feel guilty that i havent stayed with her she is in a care home and they have been fantastic with her the past 2 years and they have assured my mum they will ring as soon as the time comes and we are still visiting every day but i feel like i shouldnt have left her what if she ends up dying on her own and what if she is frightened and no one is there. I love her and dont want to loose her but dont want her suffering either. Thank you x

 

[Cat27]

Please don’t fell guilty. The care home staff will keep a close eye on her. I wish you strength.

 

[canary]

It can be surprising how long people can go in this state - my mum went 17 days with no food or fluid (although most people do not go that long), so it would not have been possible to have stayed with her continuously all during that time.

The care home staff looked after mum very well during this period and Im sure your grandma will be looked after too. Your grandma will be given painkillers and other meds to keep her painfree and comfortable.They will know when the very end is coming, as there are physical changes, and they will contact your mum to let her know. Even so, sometimes people wait till they are on their own before passing away. I stayed with mum for 2 days at the end, sleeping on the floor, but eventually I had to check up on my OH and she passed away within 10 mins of me leaving. One of the older more experienced carers said that she had seen that many, many times - that they wait until their family has left, maybe just going to the loo, before passing away. So if it happens to you do not feel guilty that you were not there in the last few seconds, what will be important is that you are there during the last days and have the opportunity to tell her that you love her, to thank her for everything she has done and to say goodbye to her.

 

[Louise1982]

Thank you x

 

[Whitey2000]

hello
My gorgeous grandma is in the final stages of dementia she had a seizure last monday and hasnt eaten since then she is now not taking fluids as she cant swallow. I have been to see her today and it’s broken me, i feel guilty that i havent stayed with her she is in a care home and they have been fantastic with her the past 2 years and they have assured my mum they will ring as soon as the time comes and we are still visiting every day but i feel like i shouldnt have left her what if she ends up dying on her own and what if she is frightened and no one is there. I love her and dont want to loose her but dont want her suffering either. Thank you x

I understand totally, my mom is near the end too. Visiting her is torture but leaving her alone is torture too. Hoping for peace for your nan soon xx

 

[Louise1982]

I understand totally, my mom is near the end too. Visiting her is torture but leaving her alone is torture too. Hoping for peace for your nan soon xx

Thank you. And for your mum too x