Grandma help!

[Jasmine24]

Hi, I’m not sure if my grandma has dementia or not and having read several posts on here I think the best plan is to speak to her GP and see if they can “call her in” so it doesn’t seem like I have forced her or gone behind her back. She is 90 and has always been very independent and stubborn.

However, she has suddenly completely missed paying bills and was about to have her phone cut off. She has stopped showering as she’s scared to use the shower but says she has a strip wash.

She will suddenly fixate on something and make it a massive issue...like hating a specific GP who was actually really nice.

She is saying she keeps answering the door but nobody is there.

The toilet was backing up and when we had it checked there was a pair of her tights down there.

She has lost so much weight that she’s so skinny now but says she’s eating loads of biscuits and sweet treats.

She is also incontinent and deaf but is refusing to wear her hearing aids. She is going out almost everyday despite lockdown.

Also she has started to forget things in the short term like we agreed I’d pick her up and then the next morning she’s ringing in a panic asking where I am when it’s way earlier than we arranged!

Sorry for the rant but I work full time/shifts and I’m a bit at a loss with it all and whether this is normal for 90 or is dementia. She 100% refuses care but by some miracle I sorted power of attorney and that should be through imminently.

Any advice is greatly appreciated thanks ?

 

[Grannie G]

I think the best plan is to speak to her GP and see if they can “call her in” so it doesn’t seem like I have forced her or gone behind her back.

That is the best way to go proceed @Jasmine24

Whether your grandma is 90 or not, it`s not the way for her to live and is obviously causing you deep concern.

If she does have dementia, reasoning with her is unlikely to work.

The weight loss and incontinence is a worry in itself, in addition to the short term memory loss. Thank goodness you have organised a LPA.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @Jasmine24 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. My mum was 90 when my vague suspicions that something was a bit awry with her thinking become rather more concrete. What I did was piggyback another appointment with her GP and handed him a note explaining my concerns. If, like my mum, your grandmother visits her GP with various concerns often you could do that. If not email or write to him with a bullet pointed list and ask if he would see her. I had Health and welfare POA so they would talk to me, but even if they can't talk to you directly they should see your grandma, though I guess at the moment that might be a telephone consultation.
It did take some time, and a meltdown in the surgery over something else before we got a diagnosis.
Although a diagnosis is useful you could contact your local social services department to ask for an assessment, though due to covid there is probably a backlog. If your grandmother would be self-financing due to having savings over £23,250 you could organise some care without going through ss. Your grandmother might not accept it, my mum never did, but some people here have had success by saying the carer is a friend of theirs that needs a bit of training and that she'll be helping them out by letting them 'practice' on her, some some other excuse that doesn't suggest that your grandma needs help.
I'm sure others will be along shortly with more help and advice but these pages might have some information you find useful in the meantime. Keep posting, this is a very friendly and helpful place.
Get support | Alzheimer's Society

 

[canary]

This is not normal for 90 and all the things you have mentioned sound very familiar, but this does not necessarily mean that it is dementia. Please try and get your grandma to the doctor - probably using some pretext or another. I would recommend that you send a bulletpointed letter to the GP (as Sarasa advised) that can be scanned and added to your grandmas records, so that the doctors can see it, but your grandma wont.

Well done for getting POA - that can be quite difficult sometimes.