Grandad not letting Nannie get ANY help

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by thinkpink, Nov 14, 2006.

  1. thinkpink

    thinkpink Registered User

    Nov 14, 2006
    4
    Cumbria
    Hello,

    I'm new to this forum. Hope I can get some advice and will also let my mum know about it so she can get some support.

    Basically my 90 year old Nannie has Alzeihmer's quite badly now, symptons started 3-4 years ago. She basically has no short term memory, is rude and aggressive, accussed people of stealing -- basically like a child. The problem is she has never been diagnosed or assessed properly as my Grandad will not let anybody near them to help. When she came out of hospital 3 years ago, after nearly dying from a stomach ulcer, Social Services were involved but Grandad sent everybody home and refused to have any help since then.

    Things have got really bad now as he is her sole carer (he is 90 and suffered a heart attack last year) - so he is not capable of looking after her and he is basically in denial. My Mum has tried everything to get him to let her have some help but he just gives her empty promises and then goes back to letting Nannie suffer. I know he cares about her very much and it must be hard to face up to but she really needs help!

    Can anyone share similar stories or offer some advice? My Mum has contacted the relevant people and has been told that it could end up with the police and Social Services coming to take her away as she is basically being neglected. My Mum is distraught as she doesn't know what to do :confused:

    Sorry this is so long...
     
  2. thinkpink

    thinkpink Registered User

    Nov 14, 2006
    4
    Cumbria
    Well an update...

    Mum and my sister went round to talk to Grandad this afternoon and fingers crossed we are getting there! She had a heart to heart with him and he didn't get angry with her (for once) and has agreed to getting some help. I hope he means it this time!!!

    We wil see... :confused:
     
  3. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    I would advise your mum to put your worries about both of them to their GP.

    It could be that your Grandad is frightened to let social services in, lots of people of his generation are intimidated by strangers coming into their home, well-meaning as they are. They have been together a very long time and he may be afraid of being apart from her.

    Pride is another factor, and accepting what they see as charity. But they both seem to be in need of all the help they can get, sometimes a doctor can get through to them more than family members.

    Unfortunately unless your Grandad either asks for help or a crisis forces a decision, there is probably not much you can do, apart from keeping an eye on them.

    Hope this helps a little

    Kathleen
     
  4. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    Glad he is agreeing to get some help, and hope the doctor and social services will provide whatever help is needed.

    Lila
     
  5. thinkpink

    thinkpink Registered User

    Nov 14, 2006
    4
    Cumbria
    Thank you for your replies.

    Hoepfully we are getting somewhere. Think this forum will be a good place for my mum to chat to people in similar situations - to vent frustrations, for advice or just general support. :)

    This is not going to be easy.
     
  6. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi thinkpink
    It seems at times the older generation doesn't always want to ask for help....I know my dad didn't......he would use every excuse under the sun for mum....other than admitting she had dementia......I'm glad your mum seems to have got through to him a bit more today and hopefully help will be arranged soon
    Take care
    Love
     

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