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Gran & non resident children

GreatAunt123-

New member
May 22, 2022
5
0
Good evening all, I have rejoined this forum after a number of years as I found it exceptionally helpful. Unfortunately I am now encountering more issues and would really appreciate some advice. This could be lengthy but I feel it’s important to give as much info as possible to secure the best advice so apologies in advance.

I live in NI along with my 90 year old grandmother who would be considered mid to late stage dementia. I was appointed an EPA in 2018 for finance and property only (over here the health isn’t an option).

We have been ticking over ok to be honest, Covid was very detrimental on my grandmother but I was able to see her most days with shopping, meds etc. She lost a shocking amount of weight and deteriorated a lot with little contact but we are, hopefully, out the other side.

Son 1 lives in England and Son 2 lives in France. Son 2 has essentially cut himself off from the family so I’ve no support there. Son 1 didn’t visit throughout Covid times but has now started visiting again. It gives me respite and my gran much needed company. She currently lives alone with carers 4x per day.

At Christmas after Son 1 left, Gran decided she would go walkabout. Police found her in a local park, highly agitated, they couldn’t leave her at home so she was brought to me for the evening. This, thankfully, has not been repeated.

Massive history of falls in her own home, the latest was 4 weeks ago when the morning cater found her at 9am, lying on the bathroom floor covered in blood, bruises and faeces. I had to bring my young children to wait for the paramedics which was extremely traumatic for her & them.

Son 1 came over and she was discharged from hospital. I met with him and explained I was no longer able to be on call 24/7, as much as my granny means to me, I don’t believe she is safe alone. He resisted this and has put “measures” into place so I don’t have to call each day, I.e. a new freezer, UHT milk etc. Before he returned to England I made contact with her social worker and explained my concerns. Gran was assessed as having massive capacity issues but adamant she wanted to stay at home and SW made the informed decision that we must abide by her wishes, understandable but still concerning.

Son 1 has now sent me an email requesting access to my gran’s bank accounts as he is “taking over her care remotely”. He wants his flights paid for by my gran plus access to her accounts to pay for shopping (which I’ve already sorted)

Huge back story to this in terms of Son 1 trying to gain access to Gran’s money but am I correct in thinking that as the EPA for my gran then I’m the sole person to ensure her finances are correctly looked after?
 

Scarlet Lady

Registered User
Apr 6, 2021
213
0
Hello, @GreatAunt123- . Welcome to the TP. community. In England, an EPA would be an Enduring Power of Attorney which ceased in 2007 to be replaced by an LPA (Lasting Power of Attorney). So I’m not sure what your EPA covers, but it certainly seems to suggest that you will be the person to be representing your Grandmother and acting in her best interests. Son no 1 cannot have access to her finances and cannot remotely control her care from wherever he is. He has no legal right to do so. It may be unpleasant from a family point of view but you need to make clear to him that she appointed you to take control of her affairs and that’s what you will do.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
4,222
0
Midlands
Sorry, I have just readyour posting and had to smile to myself.

her son HAS sorted things, hasn't he? UHT milk is gong to solve no end of problems! Really they dont have a clue, do they?
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,208
0
High Peak
If your gran had wanted her son to have access to her finances she would have appointed him as her attorney. But she didn't, she appointed you. That says it all really, apart from adding that now she has 'capacity issues' she can't change it :)

Ignore him. It does look like your gran will have to move into care soon, unless she can afford a live in or overnight carer. She's becoming unsafe on her own so a care home would be best for her and for you. It's just a matter of convincing SS that she no longer has capacity. She may say she wants to remain in her home but she's unable to see that she's not safe there when alone. If she cannot understand this, it shows she lacks capacity. Insist to the SW that she reviews the situation before your poor gran falls or goes wandering again.
 

GreatAunt123-

New member
May 22, 2022
5
0
Thank you, this is a massive concern to me. I’ve two primary school aged children, a full time job and a home to look after. I fell into this caring role as I was the only one here but after the last two incidents I’ve exhausted myself, mentally and physically. Unfortunately SS need grounds to detain her if she won’t move willingly despite our protestations that she’s no longer safe. Ok not sure exactly what needs to happen before they deem her a risk to herself if I’m honest.

Son 1 is more concerned about his inheritance being paid into a care home whereas I just want my Gran to be safe, and I can sleep at night knowing that she’s not on her own should she fall or decide to go on a night time walk.

He’s previously taken her to the bank to request access to her monies, documents were found stating he wanted to sell her home, the list is endless. He was appointed an EPA in the 90’s but never registered it so I had it revoked, as was my grand wishes whilst having capacity, which is where a lot of the issues come from. I have told him on numerous occasions that I sort her finances and to be honest his constant requests are now verging on harassment. I’m at my wits end with the whole situation but I know I have to look after her best interests but it’s bloody hard fighting al l the time :(
 

GreatAunt123-

New member
May 22, 2022
5
0
O
Sorry, I have just readyour posting and had to smile to myself.

her son HAS sorted things, hasn't he? UHT milk is gong to solve no end of problems! Really they dont have a clue, do they?
Oh I know, a spare fridge solves all the problems 🙈
 

GreatAunt123-

New member
May 22, 2022
5
0
Hello, @GreatAunt123- . Welcome to the TP. community. In England, an EPA would be an Enduring Power of Attorney which ceased in 2007 to be replaced by an LPA (Lasting Power of Attorney). So I’m not sure what your EPA covers, but it certainly seems to suggest that you will be the person to be representing your Grandmother and acting in her best interests. Son no 1 cannot have access to her finances and cannot remotely control her care from wherever he is. He has no legal right to do so. It may be unpleasant from a family point of view but you need to make clear to him that she appointed you to take control of her affairs and that’s what you will do.
Thank you, I’ve explained on numerous occasions my obligations in respect of my Gran’s finances but he just doesn’t seem to grasp the complexity of the situation. He now wants my gran to pay his flights back & forth from England every 6 weeks, I’m not sure that is appropriate, I’ll need to seek legal advice on that request…
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,208
0
High Peak
No, it's not appropriate. You could get your solicitor to send him a back-off ('cease and desist') letter if he continues to harass you.

Use your gran's money as intended - to get her the best care. Re. convincing the SW, sometimes you just have to wait for a crisis to prove she's not safe at home. That might be a fall or further wandering...
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
2,029
0
65
London
Firstly as others have said you as attorney control her money and you must continue to do so. Son1 who isn't an attorney cannot have access to her accounts.

However if son1 is visiting her for the purpose of providing care then it would be right to pay his expenses. He obviously needs to be doing more substantial things than buying milk. You as attorney need to be sure that his visits are a worthwhile contribution to her care.

I visit my father weekly and claim from him a petrol allowance. It probably doesn't cover the full costs of travel but I do play a big role in his care plan. I think that's legitimate, it certainly isn't a social call.