1. angeluz

    angeluz Registered User

    Jun 18, 2005
    6
    manila, philippines
    sigh!!! haven't got enough sleep yet. grams refuses to sleep since yesterday. i tried giving her a sleeping pill but it just wont work. It even worsens her hallucinations. she keeps on seeing things and no matter what i do, wether i keep up with her hallucinations or not it just wont go away... it seems that she does'nt get tired.

    I thought to give my self a break, besides it's saturday. I go to graduate school every saturday and it is the only day i have for my self because the rest of the week is for grams.

    But, when i got home the house was very chaotic. grams was'nt her self. she was violent, cursing, slapping and spiting on my aunt whom i ask to look after her while i was away. she was so mad. she goes violent on me a lot of times but never did she spit and curse me before. the rest of the family is not comfortable taking care of her because of her attitude. i always tell them that she was'nt like this when she was still well. she is this caring and loving grams we always had. but no matter what i say i am alone on this. i feel sad because i am young but does'nt have any life. life is unfair!

    I feel guilty sometimes.. because for no reason i get mad at God because it seems that he does not have any plan for me. I sometimes feel that grams will be here for another 10 years because as i see it she is still healthy. I feel bad, when i think that sometimes i wanted her to go because i want to experience how it is to think of my self and nothing else. there are times, when i am sick and tired of worriying a lot. i wanted to have a peace of mind, but for now it is impossible for me to have it. quite selfish huh?

    however, when i think that i will leave her with this people who does'nt care that much it's giving me a heart ache. i can't bare to see her go without me beside her. I guess i need to bare with this circumstances a little more longer....
     
  2. Lady

    Lady Registered User

    Jul 5, 2005
    12
    Ireland
    I Know I have been where you are at now, and please stop beating yourself up, YOU ARE NOT SELFISH. I am no longer young, more middle aged, and had a chance to live life before dad was diagnosed.

    Possibly as a new contributer I am not qualified to give advice, but I will anyway. We have been dealing with dads temper tantrums and voilence/agression for the past six months, and when it became un bearable we spoke to his GP who prescribed serenace 10mg, this is an anti psycotic drug, and it calmed dad no end. It didn't help with the sleep pattern, which is still almost non-existent, but it did calm him down and made it easier to handle him.

    Have you been in contact with your local social worker? If not do so, I don't know what the social services are like where you are, but there should be help out there for you, you shouldn't have to "go it alone" have you any family that you an ask to sit with gram for even a couple of hours so you can get some sleep?

    My heart goes out to you, and I will keep you in my prayers. We have all been mad at God at some stage in our lives, but hang in there He always looks after us in the end.

    Good luck.
     
  3. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Lady

    just to say that anyone who joins TP is both qualified and welcomed to reply. We all started at one time, and we each bring our own experience and flavour to the mesages posted here.

    No-one is more - or less - valuable than anyone else. There will be somebody who comes on line who will understand - and be helped by - each message.
     
  4. Lady

    Lady Registered User

    Jul 5, 2005
    12
    Ireland
    Thank you Bruce, I feel I have made such good friends since my first posting here. I should be labeling clothes and doing my packing at this stage, but for 3 hours I am dad free, and enjoying a little much needed time to myself.
     
  5. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Always make sure you leave some time for yourself!
     
  6. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Angel,

    I feel for you. Violence and temper tantrums can be very difficult to cope with. Do speak to your doctor and ask him if he can give you some medicine that you could give to Grams when she gets angry like this. Just be careful not to use it too much.

    Another thought - many elderly ladies are fond of babies and small animals. Could you buy her a baby doll to cuddle when she gets cross? This often works well. She may calm down a lot if she thinks she has a 'baby' to care for.

    Thinking of you.

    Jude
     
  7. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Lady,

    All advice from old and new members is always extremely welcome. The whole idea of TP is that we all pool our information to give support and comfort to everyone. Please do keep posting....

    Best wishes,

    Jude
     

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