I cannot remember the last time I posted but graham is now in a nursing home needs 24 hour care sadly I could not look after him any more.I have ,I think
agreed with my conscience that I did the best I could for as long as I could, it does not stop me wanting to bring him home.Unlike most of the residents he has still has some insight and understanding (but not of his own problems) and is aware of the differences However he has challenging behaviour is unpredictable and changes in a flash from Mr Nice to Mr Nasty.yesterday he threw or kicked anything that was in his reach his shoes, socks, glasses, cup, cake,furniture swore at the staff slapped one of them tried to pull the curtains down.Sunday he was the same only a little more lucid.I get very very upset when he says about coming home and getting better it is all said in the right order and context and makes me think he should be home here,then common sense prevails, he started to swear at me and told me to go away in strong language.I left and sat in the car with tears streaming down my face,I drove to a very good friend who lives close to the home and cried so many tears yet again. If Graham did not have that degree of awareness I may feel better.
My social life has picked up again but when I drive home I am saying sorry to him all the time ,I feel so guilty that he is in a home yet I am enjoying our lovely home, and as he was such a home bird it makes it worse.Do these awful feelings ever go away?Does everyone feel like this? the emotional turmoil is so draining
I am going to see our son in New York next month, and as the days tick down I am feeling more and more guilty had I been going by myself I would probably have cancelled by now, but our daughter is coming with me,a treat for all she has done for us .
My faith is certainly tested some days, and life can be very "dark"this is such a cruel illness,then an act of kindness a phone call or invitation restores my belief and hopes lifting my spirits again,I am very fortunate to have such good kind friends and a wonderful daughter .
next month his NHS funding assessment is due, social worker kindly told me that he has no legal obligation to help us if we need to fight again , as Graham would be self funding had he not had NHS care.Just when you need help and support
from the so called experienced people it is not forthcoming.
We live to fight another day..
barbie
agreed with my conscience that I did the best I could for as long as I could, it does not stop me wanting to bring him home.Unlike most of the residents he has still has some insight and understanding (but not of his own problems) and is aware of the differences However he has challenging behaviour is unpredictable and changes in a flash from Mr Nice to Mr Nasty.yesterday he threw or kicked anything that was in his reach his shoes, socks, glasses, cup, cake,furniture swore at the staff slapped one of them tried to pull the curtains down.Sunday he was the same only a little more lucid.I get very very upset when he says about coming home and getting better it is all said in the right order and context and makes me think he should be home here,then common sense prevails, he started to swear at me and told me to go away in strong language.I left and sat in the car with tears streaming down my face,I drove to a very good friend who lives close to the home and cried so many tears yet again. If Graham did not have that degree of awareness I may feel better.
My social life has picked up again but when I drive home I am saying sorry to him all the time ,I feel so guilty that he is in a home yet I am enjoying our lovely home, and as he was such a home bird it makes it worse.Do these awful feelings ever go away?Does everyone feel like this? the emotional turmoil is so draining
I am going to see our son in New York next month, and as the days tick down I am feeling more and more guilty had I been going by myself I would probably have cancelled by now, but our daughter is coming with me,a treat for all she has done for us .
My faith is certainly tested some days, and life can be very "dark"this is such a cruel illness,then an act of kindness a phone call or invitation restores my belief and hopes lifting my spirits again,I am very fortunate to have such good kind friends and a wonderful daughter .
next month his NHS funding assessment is due, social worker kindly told me that he has no legal obligation to help us if we need to fight again , as Graham would be self funding had he not had NHS care.Just when you need help and support
from the so called experienced people it is not forthcoming.
We live to fight another day..
barbie