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GP coming Monday

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
485
I think when Mum had one of her assessments although I was there I think I was asked to go into another room at some point so I wouldn't/couldn't offer any help to Mum. I also asked if I could have a word with the assessor in another room because I felt uncomfortable talking about Mum in front of her (brother wasn't there for the assessment even though he lived with her). I think Mum had carers going in 4 times a day but she would never accept them going in - not helped by brother saying he would never let anyone in the house after our Dad died.

I hope you can get things sorted for both yours and your Mum's sake - it always seems to be that those who have least contact with the PWD that cause the most problems.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
Yes he has taken advantage in a cold, calculated, false way but it's good it's all been revealed now and not later down the line with Mum lying on the floor for days with no help. It's very isolated where we live and I've been concerned about her safety. I should have realised what he was up to years ago but, hey ho. When the Social Care told me about my brother behaviour I felt quite frightened inside and it took me a few hours to get over the shock.

Things are really moving now with a Senior Social Worker being allocated to deal with financial side of things and they will decide what care Mum will have not me...which is great. She is doing a more in depth capacity assessment this Friday after the Paramedics visit this Thursday apparently the LPAs were arranged by my brother whilst a diagnosis of Dementia was in place. She is speaking to my brother and says that if he plays up she will arrange to have the LPA taken away from him...you go girl!

They are really taking this seriously.

Thanks for your kind thoughts - it helps a lot.

Mrs C
It did occur to me that you have a case to report your brother to the OPG.

Thinking of you

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
I think when Mum had one of her assessments although I was there I think I was asked to go into another room at some point so I wouldn't/couldn't offer any help to Mum. I also asked if I could have a word with the assessor in another room because I felt uncomfortable talking about Mum in front of her (brother wasn't there for the assessment even though he lived with her). I think Mum had carers going in 4 times a day but she would never accept them going in - not helped by brother saying he would never let anyone in the house after our Dad died.

I hope you can get things sorted for both yours and your Mum's sake - it always seems to be that those who have least contact with the PWD that cause the most problems.
Invisibles also think they know best.

MaNaAk
 

hooperswan

Registered User
Dec 22, 2016
42
I'm sorry but your brother sounds money motivated,you say he is very comfortably off but at the same time had been trying to borrow a huge amount of money.If your mum's living in a sorry way so he can keep his hands on the money that's unforgivable and possibly he's worried about being found out hence aggressively not wanting any intervention by anybody to help her get care.He's the last person that should have LPA if that's the case as he's supposed to be doing what's best for your mum.
The LA would look at finances when it comes to them arranging care,I imagine your brothers aware of that.
 
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MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
Dear @mrs Christmas,

I just want to say that I hope you had a good night's sleep as I know that these things can make your mind rush.

MaNaAk
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
555
Yes he has taken advantage in a cold, calculated, false way but it's good it's all been revealed now and not later down the line with Mum lying on the floor for days with no help. It's very isolated where we live and I've been concerned about her safety. I should have realised what he was up to years ago but, hey ho. When the Social Care told me about my brother behaviour I felt quite frightened inside and it took me a few hours to get over the shock.

Things are really moving now with a Senior Social Worker being allocated to deal with financial side of things and they will decide what care Mum will have not me...which is great. She is doing a more in depth capacity assessment this Friday after the Paramedics visit this Thursday apparently the LPAs were arranged by my brother whilst a diagnosis of Dementia was in place. She is speaking to my brother and says that if he plays up she will arrange to have the LPA taken away from him...you go girl!

They are really taking this seriously.

Thanks for your kind thoughts - it helps a lot.

Mrs C
So glad that you have found such good support after everything you have been through. I have a lovely vision in my head of your Senior Social Worker singing "Sisters are doing it for themselves"
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
So glad that you have found such good support after everything you have been through. I have a lovely vision in my head of your Senior Social Worker singing "Sisters are doing it for themselves"
I've seen the Eurythmics in concert! Also a friend once told me that she thought my brothers may not like to think of a woman being in charge.

MaNaAk
 

MrsChristmas

Registered User
Jun 1, 2015
178
I think when Mum had one of her assessments although I was there I think I was asked to go into another room at some point so I wouldn't/couldn't offer any help to Mum. I also asked if I could have a word with the assessor in another room because I felt uncomfortable talking about Mum in front of her (brother wasn't there for the assessment even though he lived with her). I think Mum had carers going in 4 times a day but she would never accept them going in - not helped by brother saying he would never let anyone in the house after our Dad died.

I hope you can get things sorted for both yours and your Mum's sake - it always seems to be that those who have least contact with the PWD that cause the most problems.
Thank you very much for your advice.
 

MrsChristmas

Registered User
Jun 1, 2015
178
If SS are informing the Safeguarding Team, then they are taking this very seriously. It sounds to me like they are on your side, not your brothers.

I hope something can be sorted out so that your mum receives the care she needs
Thank you Canary - so do I.
Now I wish I'd taken my brother to task more but like my Mum I've been too trusting.
 

MrsChristmas

Registered User
Jun 1, 2015
178
You've done your best for your mum,I hope things work out better for her.
Take care.

Thank you are so kind to say that but there is more I should have done but I really didn't know. I live on my own and if I'd had a partner around for another perspective things might have been different.
 

MrsChristmas

Registered User
Jun 1, 2015
178
When mum had her capacity assessment the SW did it and she was very good. She did it as if it were a conversation and slipped all sorts of things in - what a lovely home - how long have you lived here? Does your daughter ever come to visit, have you got any grandchildren? and things like - when you go out for coffee, how does it get paid for? It wasnt done like an Inquisition and I dont think mum realised that she was being tested. I guess it might depend on who does the testing, though. It was very clear that mum hadnt a clue about the reality of her situation and had no idea how bank accounts worked.

Following this, as mum was in hospital, it was decided that she should be moved to a care home, but OH has had a needs assessment and the SW came and asked about what he could do, where he needed some help and what sort of thing were we looking for. Fortunately, OH is compliant, even if he isnt really aware how much help he requires, but your mum is likely to say that she doesnt need any help at all, so please make sure that you are there at the needs assessment. If you dont want to say what your mum is really like in front of her (and I wouldnt either) you can see if you can sit to one side of your mum and a bit behind her so that when your mum is telling the SW that she does everything, you can silently shake your head, or roll your eyes, to show that you dont agree, without her seeing. You could also doorstop the SW on her way out and tell her the truth.
Thanks Canary that's helped me a lot. It must have been hard for you with your mum and partner.