1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. snoggy1one

    snoggy1one Registered User

    Jun 4, 2012
    86
    Manchester
    I feel so down today. Mum was in an awkward mood again when I visited her today in her care home. She has virtually no memory now and today she was asking about members of our family who have passed away. It was heartbreaking for both of us and she feels abandoned and imprisoned and wants to go home. It weighs so heavy on me all the time.

    I could not do right for doing wrong today and mum insulted me saying I was badly overweight, which I am, but it dissolves my confidence to rock bottom.

    Mum cannot remember that she needs to go in a wheelchair and was insisting she could walk and was using a tea trolley trying to stagger out of her room. I had to keep stopping her for risk of her falling and she was getting aggressive with me. I had planned a nice girly day out for her today with lunch and treats, but I had to come home instead as things were hopelessly impossible. I could not reason with mum and she was convinced she could walk unaided and had never been in a wheelchair in her life, so, I had to abandon our outing for her own safety. She knows everything all the time and won't take any advice or listen to any logic, it has all gone, thanks to alzheimers, and everything is an up hill struggle.!

    I am fed up of being cooped up in the four walls of the care home on visits when mum picks on my outfits, my figure, and finds faults with everything else. Mum cannot read any more, she cannot follow tv so the noise annoys her, as does music, she hates any involvement in activities and refuses to go near any of the male carers and residents, so, we have to remain isolated in her room all the time . Any ideas of how i can improve things??????. I am totally cheesed off today and needed a good moan .

    Thanks for reading this.
     
  2. Bill Owen

    Bill Owen Registered User

    Feb 17, 2014
    182
    BRIDGEND
    Nigth out

    do have some where to go to like a nigth out . I use this has a pick me up
     
  3. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,289
    SW London
    If visits are very difficult, then I would say keep them short and go less often. And please try not to feel bad about it. I do sympathise, since I have been through similar - there was a long period when every visit was very stressful. Occasionally I would chicken out because I just couldn't face it - stomach in knots just at the thought. Sometimes it seems that the person is determined to be miserable and find fault with everything, and TBH there isn't a lot you can do except hope that it is a phase that will pass.
     

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