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Got stress as it is and he causes more

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
317
As people might know my father past away on 6 May. His funerals on 26 May.
My mother as vascala
ho as vascale 2 had docters out last week do to him going of abought not living here and crying a lot thay dident find nothing put it down to stress
He as seemed ok for a few days but for some reason he as been in a bad mood all day from getting up till late to night
So mutch so he don’t live here he tried taking car keys to stop me going out but I was not going out to day .he acused me of having all his money when I not touched it .
He needs help getting up most of day and difecalty walking .i said he could go out for drive in car took 30 min to get to front door then said it was my fault as this not his house fell over me and my daughters boy friend try’s to get him up but he dident won’t his help and I try’s telling him I can not do it on own
He was still going on to the point when he said he hates me wished it was me getting cremated on Tuesday told my daughter her boyfriends got to go and me he kept putting his fist up he as never hit me .befor my daughter tryd sticking up for her boy friend helping so he shouted at her he still said he don’t won’t help but we had to as he cauldent get up on own and in bed
This is the first bad episode and I don’t no what or why I no people say it’s just the illness but with things going on I caught do with out it
Any advise
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,491
Nottinghamshire
Have you had a recent needs assessment done for your OH @vannesser ? It sounds very difficult for you to manage and you can’t possibly manage to lift OH by yourself . If he’s becoming aggressive and unable to understand you’re all trying to help perhaps it’s time to consider a carehome.

I know it’s difficult at the moment but if you could get respite it might give you chance to decide what is best for the future.
 

Gorgeous Gail

Registered User
Apr 17, 2020
46
Hi @vannesser, - sorry to hear that you are having a tough time of it. I don't know how long your OH has been diagnosed but have your spoken to your Doctor about his bad moods. I had a really difficult week with my OH last week as he was really depressed and saying he wanted to die and he has now been prescribed anti depressants. I called the Doctorand she explained to both of us that a person recently diagnosed with Dementia has every right to be angry and depressed as they have had their lives stolen away from them. It may be worth a call, they can do a telephone consultation with you. Good luck.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,037
69
Dundee
I wondered if you have any Social Work involvement @vannesser. If you do please contact your care manager and explain how bad the situation is. I also agree that giving the GP a ring would be a good thing to do as well.

If you want to talk to someone else about your situation you could give the Dementia Connect Support Line a ring -

 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,552
South coast
So Difficult for you @vannesser . It is hard once they get to the stage of not recognising their home. Does he also not recognise you at times too?

I know that the disease means that he doesnt know where he is or what is going on and he is frightened, but you shouldnt have to put up with aggression and the threat of violence. It is also particularly hard on you because of the death of your father.

It your OH on any medication to calm him down, like lorazepam or an anti-psychotic? Medication might help him to be calmer about it all. Make sure the doctors know about this episode where he threatened you. They probably dont know how bad its getting and think everyone is coping OK - you need to tell them that you cant cope. Please dont hold back - many people feel they are being disloyal and dont want to tell the whole truth, but its important that the doctors know.

You might also think about emergency respite for a week or two, just to get you over this period with your dads funeral, which is a tough time, and will give you a breathing space.
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
317
Hi @vannesser, - sorry to hear that you are having a tough time of it. I don't know how long your OH has been diagnosed but have your spoken to your Doctor about his bad moods. I had a really difficult week with my OH last week as he was really depressed and saying he wanted to die and he has now been lmprescribed anti depressants. I called the Doctorand she explained to both of us that a person recently diagnosed with Dementia has every right to be angry and depressed as they have had their lives stolen away from them. It may be worth a call, they can do a telephone consultation with you. Good luck.
He was dignosed in March 1916 so at press time 4 year .he is on 3duloxetine pills a day witch I have been told he can not go without them for the depreshion
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
317
Have you had a recent needs assessment done for your OH @vannesser ? It sounds very difficult for you to manage and you can’t possibly manage to lift OH by yourself . If he’s becoming aggressive and unable to understand you’re all trying to help perhaps it’s time to consider a carehome.

I know it’s difficult at the moment but if you could get respite it might give you chance to decide what is best for the future.
The rest it’s sounds good but not shoure abought care home I no in the end I will have to consider that .
This is the first real bad time we had milder ones over past 2 years diagnosed march1916. He on pills for depression.he still a sleep hope to take water sample to have cheked .see from there .
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
269
Urine sample is a good idea. Hopefully this last bout of aggression is due to an infection and can be sorted out with antibiotics, fingers crossed.
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
317
Have you had a recent needs assessment done for your OH @vannesser ? It sounds very difficult for you to manage and you can’t possibly manage to lift OH by yourself . If he’s becoming aggressive and unable to understand you’re all trying to help perhaps it’s time to consider a carehome.

I know it’s difficult at the moment but if you could get respite it might give you chance to decide what is best for the future.
Urine sample is a good idea. Hopefully this last bout of aggression is due to an infection and can be sorted out with antibiotics, fingers crossed.
yes fingers Crossed .let you know
Thank you
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
317
So Difficult for you @vannesser . It is hard once they get to the stage of not recognising their home. Does he also not recognise you at times too?

I know that the disease means that he doesnt know where he is or what is going on and he is frightened, but you shouldnt have to put up with aggression and the threat of violence. It is also particularly hard on you because of the death of your father.

It your OH on any medication to calm him down, like lorazepam or an anti-psychotic? Medication might help him to be calmer about it all. Make sure the doctors know about this episode where he threatened you. They probably dont know how bad its getting and think everyone is coping OK - you need to tell them that you cant cope. Please dont hold back - many people feel they are being disloyal and dont want to tell the whole truth, but its important that the doctors know.

You might also think about emergency respite for a week or two, just to get you over this period with your dads funeral, which is a tough time, and will give you a breathing space.
Yes it is difficult when he don’t no house.he forgets names of people that live in house and don’t relish that others live here .
Some times he says things like do I no you or where did you come from and smiled and gilded like a child

I some times think he doing it on purpose .or is he it really gets to me some times but I guess we all go through it
Thanks again
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
317
Up date so far bad water test done no infecshio ,witch is good .had 2 farley good days still dont live here and wonting to go home not aggressive ,then past 3 days we have been squoting in a scoole a church all And a pictchers, he as swear at the tv for making fun of him , watched road wars on sky he swers the police have been in house to arest us for being here ,and this is all my falt he ater me he having more trouble walking and geting updont no why .
AND DONT NO WHYY THIS AS COME ON AS BAD LIKE IT AS SHARP LEY even thoue i no therez worsd to come
Had fathers funeral to day he dident go ,do to mobility ,
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,552
South coast
Oh @vannesser , Im sorry.
If theres no water infection then this is just progression of the dementia and he has had another (big) step down.
My mum used to think that what was on the TV was real and actually happening in the home too. It seems to be quite common in the middle to late stages. Im afraid that the only way it could be dealt with was to severely censor what she watched. News, soaps and anything with any sort of violence was a big no-no. Even a nature program got her worried that wild animals were prowling round her home. Ive heard some people suggest that you get DVDs of programs or films that you know wont upset him, but with mum, she just didnt watch much.

Im glad that he is calm now. Violence always worries me.

I hope the funeral went as well as it could.
xx
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
317
Oh @vannesser , Im sorry.
If theres no water infection then this is just progression of the dementia and he has had another (big) step down.
My mum used to think that what was on the TV was real and actually happening in the home too. It seems to be quite common in the middle to late stages. Im afraid that the only way it could be dealt with was to severely censor what she watched. News, soaps and anything with any sort of violence was a big no-no. Even a nature program got her worried that wild animals were prowling round her home. Ive heard some people suggest that you get DVDs of programs or films that you know wont upset him, but with mum, she just didnt watch much.

Im glad that he is calm now. Violence always worries me.

I hope the funeral went as well as it could.
xx
Thank you the funeral whent well as it can in this day with restrictions but it was ok .
The tv thing he don’t watch films or soaps for past 2 year and he sometimes won’t watch programs he loved before so I play it by ear.i can tell him what’s on like inspecter morse he watchers
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
317
Thank you the funeral whent well as it can in this day with restrictions but it was ok .
The tv thing he don’t watch films or soaps for past 2 year and he sometimes won’t watch programs he loved before so I play it by ear.i can tell him what’s on like inspecter morse he watchers
He watches most of it then asked what it is .says he don’t like him .then watch it another day thank you for advise