1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. Liz57

    Liz57 Registered User

    Dec 22, 2013
    Not a great day for me. Mum was particularly anxious and of course I've managed to make it worse by stupidly arguing with her.

    After spending the entire day with me (as usual) I took my daughter to the railway station (with mum) and then dropped mum back at home with a promise to be back within an hour or so to do some gardening. After literally just a few minutes the phone rang so abandoning any attempt at getting some much needed tidying up done, I went back to a tearful mum complaining that she'd been abandoned and left on her own "for hours". I stupidly disagreed and said she'd been with me all day. Within minutes I'd apparently made it all up that she's called me or complained that she'd been left on her own!

    From there it went downhill with her trying to phone me whilst I was sitting in front of her (and still I had to correct her - when will I ever learn?), followed by much complaining about how difficult it is to live on your own with an accusation of stealing her underwear thrown in for good measure.

    Tomorrow's another day and she will have forgotten all about today whilst I'm left frazzled and doubting my own sanity.

  2. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    Oh dear, it's so hard . A big ((hug ))from me. As you say ,tomorrow is another day xx
  3. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    I know exactly how you feel, sometimes you can't help arguing or trying to reason even though you know it won't get you anywhere. I never seem to learn.
  4. tinap

    tinap Registered User

    Nov 2, 2014
    west midlands
    Sending you hugs I've been there..... We are only human and we all get things wrong at times but as others have said tomorrow is another day and you will still be there and that's the main thing you have to remember I know the hurt it causes when your trying your best. Stay strong take a deep breath and carry on xx
  5. Patricia Alice

    Patricia Alice Registered User

    Mar 2, 2015

    Your post brings back so many memories of a year ago, we had that said to us on a daily basis although we were with her 7 - 8 hours every day and she would say she had not seen us. The phone calls were relentless starting as early as 7am and every few mins for hours. We moved her to a care home 5 months ago and silly as it sounds I miss the phone calls. I still go every day to see her but her dementia has progressed so much in 12 months.

    You cannot reason with someone with dementia, they are always right!

    I think I have had to learn to just agree with everything, even when she is wrong! It makes for a more peaceful day and like you say, she will forget and tomorrow is another day.

    Chin up x
  6. Redpoppy

    Redpoppy Registered User

    Jul 31, 2012
    Glamorgan s.wales
    I know exactly where you're coming from. Every morning I wake up with good intentions,and promise myself I will not disagree when OH makes quite upsetting comments. His favourite is telling friends and family I'm out all day!! He is capable of being left on his own,and we go out together most days to our local town. Sometimes after lunch I pop out on my own for an hour or two. I expect it seems longer to him,but I find it so frustrating when he says I'm 'out all day' Another of his favourites is " she never speaks to me" Of course I do,but he can fall asleep mid-sentence, other times I have to repeat myself as he doesn't understand what I am saying. He denies saying these things,but I know there'll be a next time ,probably next day! We need "time out "for ourselves and I plan to keep popping out as long as it's possible,and hope you can do the same. Take care.
  7. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    When I help mum into bed at night I promise myself I will be better tomorrow, I will not raise my voice [difficult because she is deaf and refuses to wear hearing aid sometimes]. Because I can see what is ahead when she does or says something and I cannot stop her, I cannot stop myself from saying"don't do that, you'll hurt yourself" and each time I say it I can hear my voice getting louder! and she does not or can't hear me!

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