Got Bad News Yesterday about my mum

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by worriedson1, May 15, 2015.

  1. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    #1 worriedson1, May 15, 2015
    Last edited: May 15, 2015
    My Mum is slowly losing the Ability to swallow:(


    Was visiting my mum yesterday(and i had been told prevously she had took about 10 mins to get her tablets swallowed and the dr upped her antidepressents as her mood is low and she is eating and drinking very little) and she got given her tablets and it did take a fair bit of time for them to go voer and one just melted on her tongue and anyway my mum and i are sitting and i see our gp come in and so a member of staff,gp and my mum and i go to her room, dr chcked her out, taps on her back, asks mum to take deep breathes, puts his stephoscope on,a sks her a couple of questions and turns to me and says "you know she is getting frailer" and i said i knew and he said their is nothing more he can do(from a dr pov i guess) he is taking her off her dementia tablet and keeping her on her anti depressent so see how that goes when the higher dose kicks in and i asked him "Is my mum dying?" and replied in the "Eeverybody is dying" kinda answer which i took the wrong way in a sense and says all can be doe now is too make her as comfortable as can be... as he said if not eating alot and losing weight, body is more subsceptible to infections....and how my mum is at the moment it could acclerate what is alrwdy happen, could be 6 days, 6 months, 6 years, said about a wife who he knew who he thougth was about to die and she is still walking around 18 months later, so it's one day at a time now really.

    I went and spoke to the nurse and said what i got told from the dr was totally heartbreaking and i said what he said and the nurse said they look at it from a different pov as the dr is from a clinical pov, says as long as it takes for my mum to finish a meal the staff are very paitient and will prompt and encourage her.

    I'm rambleing here sorry, i nearly started crying in the nurses office and broke down when i got home.

    So, no it's not good news whatsoever.:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,727
    Female
    London
    Hang on a bit - he took her off the dementia meds but the antidepressants are still ok? First of all I would have thought you have to decrease the dosage gradually as there could be a sharp downturn if she just stops taking them. Second, why didn't he suggest she is seen by the SALT team? They deal with swallow problems. Ask that they see her please.
     
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,721
    Female
    Dundee
    Oh worriedson I'm so sorry to read how your mum is. I know how hard it is to hear the doctors say that kind of thing. I do think that the nurse is right though. The doctors will be looking at it from a clinical point of view. It sounds as if she is very well cared for and that they will make sure that they do everything to help your mum. It will be a big comfort to her having you there but I do know you will find it hard. It is true that she will be prone to more infections but I find it amazing how my husband has bounced back from some of his. Hopefully your mum will too.


    I agree with Beate that she should be seen by the SALT team (Speech and Language Therapists). They will assess your mum's swallowing and have her diet adapted as needed.
    Take care.
     
  4. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    Maybe he meant by that he is decreasing them, sorry my mind is a daze.
     
  5. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    The Dr also mentioned about the Dietican etc looking at my mums diet etc, sorry, mind is an utter daze.
     
  6. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    I'll mention about the SALT team today when i go down.
     
  7. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,517
    Female
    England
    Worried son, like Izzy my husband has had many infections, one this time last year that saw everything put into place to make his time left comfortable.

    One year on and my husband is doing ok, his food is purverised and his drinks thickened and he needs to be fed but he is fine and is actually putting on weight. The SALT team visit regularly and advise the nursing home about his food. There are dark times and the doctor was probably being cautious. You visiting is the best medicine your Mum can have.

    Take care
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,717
    Kent
    Hello worried son

    When my husband started to have problems swallowing his tablets , some of his medication was available in liquid form which helped a lot.

    You mum will be becoming more frail now, she has been poorly for a long time. Even though it is expected it doesn`t make it any easier for you though.

    I do hope she is comfortable and not in any pain or distress.
     
  9. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    I really miss my friend FifiMo who is a member here, she's not posted/been on for a while:( .
     
  10. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    #10 jan.s, May 15, 2015
    Last edited: May 15, 2015
    Hi WS, I'm sorry to hear about your mum, such news is never easy to hear. Someone I know was taken off her medication last year, and immediately showed an improvement in her health and is back to her "normal" self.

    A change in your mum's diet, may help her to eat more, especially if she's having problems chewing and swallowing. My husband took over an hour to eat his lunch and that was pureed food, but staff were very patient.

    I used to take in sweet treats for him, such as chocolate mousse etc, something he loved. He also liked chocolate and he looked forward to that too. I used the theory that eating something was definitely better than eating nothing. He loved anything sweet.

    It is great that the staff are so caring with your mum and don't try to rush her when she's eating slowly.

    Enjoy your time with your mum and try to make each visit a special one for you both.

    Jan x
     
  11. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,984
    Suffolk
    Hi WS, in more or less same position. OH eats very little, dementia drugs being stopped, had his first infection and, as he has DNR in place, had to allow ABs to be given. Walking very poor. I hate seeing him like this, but at 82, longstanding vas dementia and Alzheimer's, in late stage, what does one do? He still can eat with care, but his appetite is very poor.
    I took some dark chocolate in, which he normally loves, but he only had one square. And I found half the last bar I'd taken in as well!
     
  12. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    Folks, was seeing my mum today and im glad to say ive misjudged some things after talking to staff : Mum has no probs swallowing, just she not eating and drinking a lot, but she ate a bit better today than she did yesterday and she has probs swallowing when given her tablets at once but they gave her one at a time today and they went over fine, she drank a full cup of irn bru and ate a few sweets i gave her.
     
  13. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    That is fabulous news WS, I am pleased. The most important thing is that Mum is contented. :D:D
     
  14. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    I am so glad i did misjudge!.

    Thanks all for your wonderful words.:)
     
  15. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Glad your Mum has improved WS. Try to take each day as it comes-you never know how things will be with each visit. I'm so sorry you were so distressed yesterday-but glad that you and your Mum have bounced back today.

    I always had to ask GP's and Carers to repeat things-not because I'm slow on the uptake;) but some things are so hard to take in.

    Take care

    Lyn T XX
     

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