Goodnight Godbless Mum

[kingmidas1962]

It was 5 weeks yesterday that mum left us, it seems like an eternity but also seems like it was just yesterday...... I've been filling my time with lots of things, mainly all mum related stuff, sorting things out, on-going issues with the DWP, CAB etc.... can't even think about closing the building society account yet, nor arranging for the spreading of her ashes ( I'm in no rush for that as for me, that's when it becomes final ?)........ We've booked a holiday ( we go in a few weeks ) and I have mixed emotions. I know mum would be saying, " you go and have a lovely time ", but it don't feel like i should be off on me jollies.... I know i have to stop beating myself up about everything, I would be telling anyone else exactly the same. Maybe I need to practice what I preach.
xx

..or maybe you need to tell yourself that however YOU feel, is fine. We all cope in different ways. Whatever you are feeling is 'normal' for you! I think even saying 'try to enjoy yourself' puts unnecessary pressure on you to feel a certain way. it will be what it will be. Think of it like a de-tox!

If the 'important' things are done, the rest can wait. The registrar said that to me when I went to register dad's death - there are few things that cant wait.

One day at a time my lovely, one day at a time xxxx

 

[VickyG]

Hi Vicky

Give yourself 'permission' to go on Holiday and enjoy it. It's what you deserve. What do you think your Mum would have said if she was alive and well? I bet it would have been something along the lines of 'off you go and have a good time'.

Where are you going?

Take care

Lyn T

Hi Lyn,
Thank you for your kind words. I know Mum would of been saying something along those lines, but I just can't help feeling guilty about going. We're off to Cyprus, I know we need the break, my hubby and daughter both put up with an awful lot of the last 8 years, and especially this year. It's just really odd knowing we're going away, for the first time in years not having to worry about Mum.
Thank you once again xx

 

[VickyG]

..or maybe you need to tell yourself that however YOU feel, is fine. We all cope in different ways. Whatever you are feeling is 'normal' for you! I think even saying 'try to enjoy yourself' puts unnecessary pressure on you to feel a certain way. it will be what it will be. Think of it like a de-tox!

If the 'important' things are done, the rest can wait. The registrar said that to me when I went to register dad's death - there are few things that cant wait.

One day at a time my lovely, one day at a time xxxx

Hi,
Thank you for your lovely words. It's very odd, this feeling of not knowing how I'm supposed to feel. I would be the first person to say all the things that have been said to myself ! I've consoled many relatives in the past when i worked in care, upon their loss of their loved one, but boy ! it's different when it's you eh.
My hubby and daughter both deserve the holiday, as they've both put up with an awful lot over the years, especially this last year. I guess once we're there, I'll be fine. Either that, or I'll fall to pieces because it'll just be us, no phone ringing etc !!
Take care, and thanks once again for your kind words. xx

 

[kingmidas1962]

Hi,
Thank you for your lovely words. It's very odd, this feeling of not knowing how I'm supposed to feel. I would be the first person to say all the things that have been said to myself ! I've consoled many relatives in the past when i worked in care, upon their loss of their loved one, but boy ! it's different when it's you eh.
My hubby and daughter both deserve the holiday, as they've both put up with an awful lot over the years, especially this last year. I guess once we're there, I'll be fine. Either that, or I'll fall to pieces because it'll just be us, no phone ringing etc !!
Take care, and thanks once again for your kind words. xx

I was actually on the last day of my holiday when dad passed away - it was a very odd affair all round, but I kept thinking to myself "what would the 'well' dad have said? Just like your mum he'd have said 'go! Don't worry about me!' "

Funnily enough we were in Cyprus. Its our favourite holiday destination. Which bit are you going to?

 

[VickyG]

I was actually on the last day of my holiday when dad passed away - it was a very odd affair all round, but I kept thinking to myself "what would the 'well' dad have said? Just like your mum he'd have said 'go! Don't worry about me!' "

Funnily enough we were in Cyprus. Its our favourite holiday destination. Which bit are you going to?

Oh no ! I can't even begin to imagine how you felt We last went away in 2012, to Corfu, never relaxed properly, always on tenterhooks in case one of the family called us.
Where in Cyprus was you, we're off to Paphos. This holiday was supposed to happen 10 years ago ( hubby had to have an emergency operation 2 weeks before flying out - long story ) and ever since then, we didn't want to tempt fate, but this year it feels like it's meant to be so.... i guess i should just let go of everything and bloody well enjoy it ! I sound so un-grateful, but i'm not, honestly. xx

 

[kingmidas1962]

Oh no ! I can't even begin to imagine how you felt We last went away in 2012, to Corfu, never relaxed properly, always on tenterhooks in case one of the family called us.
Where in Cyprus was you, we're off to Paphos. This holiday was supposed to happen 10 years ago ( hubby had to have an emergency operation 2 weeks before flying out - long story ) and ever since then, we didn't want to tempt fate, but this year it feels like it's meant to be so.... i guess i should just let go of everything and bloody well enjoy it ! I sound so un-grateful, but i'm not, honestly. xx

We stayed at Coral Bay, just along the coast from Cyprus.

We missed our family holiday two years ago when my mum was admitted into psychiatric care - when dad went into care, she had a breakdown. I know it must sound extraordinary to carers who never get a break (and I am well aware there are many on here) but it's something I find very hard to do without. We had serious debt problems 7 or 8 years ago and spent 5 years paying them all off, with no proper holidays and life just seemed utterly relentless

I hope that you find some time within the holiday just for YOU - it could be something really tiny. I went to a waterpark with my daughter one day and for just a few hours didnt think about anything other than how much fun I was having. We all need those moments, however brief.

 

[VickyG]

We stayed at Coral Bay, just along the coast from Cyprus.

We missed our family holiday two years ago when my mum was admitted into psychiatric care - when dad went into care, she had a breakdown. I know it must sound extraordinary to carers who never get a break (and I am well aware there are many on here) but it's something I find very hard to do without. We had serious debt problems 7 or 8 years ago and spent 5 years paying them all off, with no proper holidays and life just seemed utterly relentless

I hope that you find some time within the holiday just for YOU - it could be something really tiny. I went to a waterpark with my daughter one day and for just a few hours didnt think about anything other than how much fun I was having. We all need those moments, however brief.

Thank you, i will bear what you said in mind
Life is pants at time eh, i guess we just have to try and make the most of things whilst we still can, whatever that may be.

 

[VickyG]

Had a fab time !

In Cyprus Just got back in the early hours of this morning. Myself, hubby and daughter all had a well deserved break, and i managed to get through it without losing it or breaking down ! It was a fab holiday, but I am glad to be back, it's always nice to be back in your own bed
xx

 

[VickyG]

Letter from Alz Society and saving money

Hi all,
I had a letter yesterday from The Alz Society re: the donation's received in Mum's memory. ( We raised £400 on the day of Mum's funeral )
It was nice to receive a letter from them, thanking us, but would of preferred an email, the society could save so much money if they could do away with paper copies where possible, and utilize it more efficiently. Just saying !

 

[Saffie]

Perhaps they didn't realise that you even had a computer Vicky and as many people don't, then I expect it's a generalised format for thanking people for the donations.

I received postal acknowledgements from both the animal charities to which people donated in lieu of flowers and have put them with everything else about my husband's funeral, such as the many cards, orders of service etc, in a special folder for the family to keep.

 

[jaymor]

Hi Vicky,

Sometimes a letter is appropriate and a thank you for your wonderful donation is one such time and worth the cost of a stamp and a piece of paper.

Circulars I agree are a waste. I have several charities that I have never subscribed to send out leaflets, pens, cards etc. what a waste of the charities money. I have emailed and telephoned and asked them to stop but they still keep coming. For me if they waste money then they won't get my money. I pay my donations by monthly direct debit, the quickest and cheapest way to do it for me and the charities.

Emails, like texts have their place but a letter, that's special.

Thank you for thinking of The Alzheimers Society.

Jay

 

[VickyG]

Receiving the letter was lovely, and it is nice to receive a letter i agree, it will go in with all Mum's other 'bits and pieces', i am thankful for it, i guess i came across as being ungrateful, which was not my intention at all.
For ME personally, an email would of been more than enough, and whilst I totally understand that a lot of people don't have an email address or access to a computer, i do, and receive emails regularly from the Society. I was just thinking of keeping costs down etc so more can be utilized to help other areas within the Society.

 

[Saffie]

I do agree about all the unsolicited mail from charities.I wonder how much it really helps and if the cost is worth the results. I suppose it must be.

I've asked the two charities who received my husband's donations to remove him from their membership list and they were lovely about it. I'd have liked to take over his membership but already support my own few and sadly, there has to be some sort of limit. I will send them something from time to time though but not join.

 

[VickyG]

Ashes

Hi all........

I went to collect mums ashes on friday, so, in a way, she's back here with me ( for now ) xx

 

[VickyG]

Scattering.........

..........Mum's ashes next Thursday ( 2nd April)........ it will be 8 months since Mum passed away (on the 1st ) and right before her 76th Birthday. We wanted to scatter on her Birthday ( 6th April ), but can't due to it being Easter Monday, couldn't do it on the Friday either ( Good Friday ) and are hoping that in the next week the bluebells will be up in the woodland area where Mum has always wanted to go. We have a beautiful plaque and post at the ready and hope that the sun is shining on the day.

Vicky
xx

 

[Lindy50]

..........Mum's ashes next Thursday ( 2nd April)........ it will be 8 months since Mum passed away (on the 1st ) and right before her 76th Birthday. We wanted to scatter on her Birthday ( 6th April ), but can't due to it being Easter Monday, couldn't do it on the Friday either ( Good Friday ) and are hoping that in the next week the bluebells will be up in the woodland area where Mum has always wanted to go. We have a beautiful plaque and post at the ready and hope that the sun is shining on the day.

Vicky
xx

This sounds like a good plan, and a beautiful place, Vicky

I am sorry for your loss. I hope the scattering goes as you hope and have so carefully planned.

Thinking of you and sending you hugs

Lindy xx

 

[Grannie G]

I hope scattering your mums ashes brings you peace Vicky.

 

[LYN T]

Another hurdle to cross Vicky. The place sounds perfect, absolutely perfect. I will cross my fingers that the day is bright for you and your dear Mum.

Love,

Lyn T XX

 

[WIFE]

Hoping the day is sunny and the bluebells are in flower as you scatter your precious Mother's ashes bringing you peace and loving thoughts of her. WIFE