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Goodbye to mum today

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Bittermama, Jul 10, 2018.

  1. Bittermama

    Bittermama Registered User

    Jun 9, 2012
    Kingston, Surrey
    so the call came this morning, I was at work in the middle of the office when the police rang my mobile to tell me the news. Work were very kind and ushered me into a taxi and sent me on my way to my parents house. She had died in her sleep in the early hours of this morning. I was able to sit with her for an hour or two and held her hand and kissed her cold forehead. I lit candles and my daughter picked a bunch of lavender from the garden (her favourite flower). The house was very busy with carers and phone calls to deal with. Had to break the news to my dad (who himself is 96 and very frail). Sister away, she is back tomorrow and I will,have her to deal with (no,we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things) she also hid away my mums do not resuscitate document and the ambulance people tried cpr on my poor mum when this was the last thing I wanted for her. This really has upset me the most.
    I am writing this in bed, I can’t sleep thinking of my mum laying alone at the hospital.
    It’s been a tough 8 long years. She has fought off every sort of illness, in and out of hospital over,the years. She is now free of this debilitating disease and at peace at last.
    Tomorrow is another day, so much to do, so much to organise. Thanks for reading.
  2. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    Lincoln, UK
    I am so very sorry. How distressing for you to witness CPR being administered on your poor mum. As you say, the last thing you wanted. Your precious mum is finally free of this awful illness but this does not take away the pain you are feeling. In time, I hope you will be able to take comfort from earlier, happy memories. Take care and please accept my sincere condolences.
  3. Bittermama

    Bittermama Registered User

    Jun 9, 2012
    Kingston, Surrey
    Thank you
  4. try again

    try again Registered User

    Jun 21, 2018
    Sorry for your loss. Your mum is at peace now.
  5. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Please accept my condolences for you and your family. I'm grateful that your mum is at peace. Be kind to yourself.
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    I’m so sorry to read your sad news. I’m glad your mum is at peace now. Thinking of you and your dad.and wishing you strength.
  7. mumsgone

    mumsgone Registered User

    Dec 23, 2015
    be brave sweetheart, the days will melt into weeks then months and eventually you will feel more at peace and be able to look back on all the good things from the past rather than the painful ones that are very raw at the moment. Take care of yourself xx
  8. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    I'm so sorry. My condolences to you and your dad.
  9. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    south-east London
    I am so sorry for your loss. Although we can take comfort in knowing that our loved ones are finally free of this disease and at peace it is still hard to get through all the turmoil that follows.

    My sincere condolences to you and your family - sending you strength for these difficult days.
  10. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    Am so sorry but don't torment yourself with these thoughts and the processes that now need to happen...your mum knew you were wonderful in helping her at every stage and sometimes events are just outside of our control. My mum died suddenly we found her on the 80th birthday the following day..dad because of dementia couldn't raise the alarm. I too had thoughts of what ifs..mum needed me I wasn't there...but they serve no good purpose and you were there when your mum needed you most in life far more important than in death. I wish you strength over the coming days.
  11. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Sorry to hear of your sad loss. Wishing you strength and solace. xx
  12. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    So sorry to hear this sad news.
  13. marmarlade

    marmarlade Registered User

    Jan 26, 2015
    well you have come to the right place because we all understand how you feel and all the what if,s I to wasnt there when my hubby passed away, the day before he managed to whisper I love you that was so hard ,but he was at peace now no pain no being confused ,and as time goes by you will not wish them back to suffer ,so I think of it as he,s happy again and we will meet again one day
  14. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    So sorry for your loss - sending my thoughts and condolences from nearby Surbiton.

    'Because the love of a mother starts before birth
    Her love will endure long after death'
  15. Jezzer

    Jezzer Registered User

    Jun 12, 2016
    Lincoln, UK
    @Toony Oony
    Where is that quote from? It's beautiful
  16. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016

    I'm really not sure who the author of the quote is. It resonated with me and I had it in my cache of quotes gleaned from Pinterest. It may be Franchesca Cox .... but then again, it might not!

  17. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    Sorry to hear of your loss and wishing you strength to see you through the coming days.
  18. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    I’m so sorry to hear of your sad loss and wish you strength for allyou have to do in the coming days and weeks.
  19. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    I am very sorry to hear that your mum has gone but glad that she is at peace now.
  20. Bittermama

    Bittermama Registered User

    Jun 9, 2012
    Kingston, Surrey
    Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts.
    My sister and I will be going to the chapel of rest to see mum tomorrow.
    Once again thanks

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