1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Weds 28 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 28 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Goodbye my love .... John died today

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Scarlett123, Dec 23, 2014.

  1. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Scarlett I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope the strength and determination that kept you fighting for John sees you through the dark hours and that you can eventually find peace and happier memories. Huge hug. x


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  2. Oxy

    Oxy Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    957
    My thoughts are with you. Wishing you every strength in the coming days and months at this so difficult time but you know that you did all for your husband that was in your might-such a good wife. My very best wishes to you.
     
  3. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Bless my lovely neighbours. All up to their eyes in their own Christmas preparations, but 6 of them have found time today to get sympathy cards and post them through the letterbox.

    And bless so many of you, all up to your eyes, caring for your loved ones, sorting out Christmas, and still finding time for me. I feel truly humble. I managed to get through best part of a box of tissues with It's a Wonderful Life, but then my son and daughter have had me in hysterics, exchanging anecdotes about their Dad on emails.

    I'd like to share just one with you. When my son was 6, he was impressed that both John and Jesus had the same birthday. Nobody else in his class had a Dad with their birthday on Christmas Day. He was convinced that John, too, was the Son of God. :eek:

    On Christmas Eve he was passing Christmas Cards to John, who was putting them on strings. He ran out of space and was hammering another pin in the wall, on which to hang a string, and hammered his thumb, at which point John yelled "*&^%$* it!!!" , and at that moment my son sadly knew that John was a mere mortal. :D

    I love it. So much nicer to talk about happy times. And thank goodness for modern technology, that enables me to talk to my son, 6,000 miles away, and read loads of emails, remembering the fun times we all had. I'm so glad my kids, though in their 40s, remember such happy childhoods. :)
     
  4. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    2,675
    Scarlett, I'm so very sorry. Take care of yourself and be gentle to yourself xxx
     
  5. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    All those who know and love you here read this with our hearts in our mouths, Scarlett. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I think I can imagine how I'd feel. It must be so strange, knowing your hubby is gone.

    I just wanted to pop in and offer my loving condolences to you. Nearly 50 years of love. What a wonderful way to put it.
     
  6. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    I am so sorry Scarlet.
    My condolences to you and your family.
     
  7. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    I love that story. Your son clearly had great pride in his dad.

    I was given that film as a gift about 3 years ago, and really must watch it! I've been waiting for a strong day, but maybe I'll just get out the tissues.

    I can only imagine how you're feeling Scarlett, but know my day will come to. I hope I can be as positive as you. J x
     
  8. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    Scarlett, I am so sorry for your loss, but as others have said, you have so many years of good memories, and some of these are helping you already.
    I am moved and comforted by your account of hearing the doorbell, so can imagine how helpful this is to you.
    Wishing you much comfort and peace, you have been a remarkable inspiration to everyone on TP.
    'A sleep I shall have
    A rest I shall have
    Yet death will be but a pause
    For the peace of my years
    In the long green grass
    Will be yours and yours and yours'
    I have long thought that these lines from the poem by Leo Marks are suited to those grieving the loss of someone dear who suffered from dementia.
    Let John's peace be your peace also.
    Sleepless x
     
  9. Feline

    Feline Registered User

    Oct 25, 2012
    164
    East Devon
    Sending my condolences, so glad John is at peace.Treasure your memories.
    With love and strength to you.
     
  10. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    Scarlett: just wanted you to know how much your suggestions have really helped me in my caring role with Maureen. I hope you have managed some sleep and gained comfort from all those lovely memories.
     
  11. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Scarlett-I hope you managed to get some sleep. I'm glad you and your family are wrapping your arms round each other.

    Thinking of you with love.

    Lyn T XX
     
  12. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    139
    I will be watching Its a Wonderful Life later today; you will be in my thoughts and I will think of John lassooing the moon for you.

    (((((Hug))))))
     
  13. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    2,734
    South
    my condolences to you. It sounds like you have a close family and they are already comforting you with many happy memories of your lovely husband.
     
  14. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,589
    West Midlands
    Thinking of you
    My condolences to you but so glad his passing was peaceful xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  15. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Lovely and moving words, perfectly appropriate sleepless. I feel so strange today that I'm not driving over to mum's to collect her for Christmas as we have done for many years. She's so much on my mind today and I'm sure it will be the same for many of us TPers. Peace and love to us all, especially to Scarlett and her family.
     
  16. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    Thinking of you and your loved ones at this painful time. It is so lovely that your son and daughter are able to bring back memories of happier days. Wishing you all strength and peace.
     
  17. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Deepest sympathies hugs Retta x
     
  18. VerityRuth

    VerityRuth Registered User

    Apr 28, 2014
    20
    Essex coast
    I am new to this site but just want to say how sorry I am about the loss of your loved one and wish you peace and comfort in the days to come
     
  19. Eleonora

    Eleonora Registered User

    Dec 21, 2012
    171
    Abingdon Oxfordshire
    Scarlet dear, how glad I am that John made his farewell to you. Those who have followed his progress, and your fight to care for him, will be saddened by your sadness; but reassured that finally both he, (and you) have found release from the torment of dementia.
    I hope that you will find the peace you deserve, as you mourn his absence, and pick up your life again.

    Huge hugs!

    Leonora.
     
  20. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,501
    Female
    Near Southampton
    Lovely poem Sleepless.
    I remember it being used in the film 'Carve her name with Pride', the story of Violette Szabo and how she used it as a code in her espionage role in the war after losing her husband and have always loved it.
    An appropriate poem.


    Scarlett. The title of your thread is so emotive, it makes me weep when I see it.
    I love the fact that somehow John said "Goodbye" to you.
    What a beautiful goodbye gift. xxx
     

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