1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,040
    Nottinghamshire

    Hi @Kikki21

    I’m currently executing my dad’s will. One of the banks just gave me his money. This didn’t seem right to me I expected them to set up an executor account but they didn’t. It would be illegal for me to keep the money though - it forms part of dad’s estate and has to be distributed according to his Will.
    Not sure how easy it would be for you to check that your mum’s executors are doing this.

    With regards to the payment for the funeral I believe it’s the responsibility of the executors to release money from your mum’s account to pay for all the funeral expenses. Has the funeral director asked who the executors are? Mine did when I arranged dad’s funeral.

    The money for funeral expenses can be released from the bank before probate is granted so there shouldn’t be a delay.

    Hope this helps
     
  2. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    My experience was that the bank closed Mum's account until probate was granted but released enough money to pay for the funeral. Extra funeral expenses, though - a reception - I had to pay first and was then reimbursed once probate was granted.

    I don't think the money can go to you until the will has been proved.

    Good luck with it all.

    I think the loss of one's Mum feels 'unreal' for ages and ages. My brain is only just starting to accept it now, 16 months later.

    Hope the weekend is a productive one for your work and for your arrangements.
    Love,
    Marcelle xx
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,576
    Female
    South coast
    When mum passed away I took the death certificate to her bank and the bank froze her account, but said that if I sent the funeral directors bill to them then they would authorise the payment (which they did).

    My brother and I were named as her executors, but my brother didnt want to get involved and I was having problems with OH, so I appointed a solicitor to do the probate. If there is only a very small amount of money the bank may release it without probate, but is sounds as though probate will definitely be needed. If you are the one who has registered the death then you will need to inform official people of her death. Things like banks, building Societies, Stocks and Shares holders, pension providers ets as well as DWP will all needs death certificates. I used the Tell Us Once scheme to make things easier. Once the accounts have been frozen then, apart from funeral costs (mums bank paid for the wake up front too BTW), no-one can touch the money except as part of the probate. All of mums money was collected by the solicitors and paid into a special "holding" account and from there was distributed according to her will. The probate document showed exactly where all the money had come from and where it all went. The probate document (and the will) becomes a public document and if you are concerned that her assets have not been distributed correctly you can find these documents and check. These are legally binding documents so that if it hasnt been done correctly you can take the executors to court.
     
  4. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,005
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you for the replies. This is all relevant if you are an executor & I am not.
    This is the problem!
    I think my only choice is now is to tell the executors they are the executors & make it their problem so to speak because basically it is their problem & not mine.
    Wish me luck! Xx
     
  5. Elle3

    Elle3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2016
    618
    Hi Kiki, as you know I’m in the process of dealing with my dad’s affairs, for me it’s easy, as I’m executor and only beneficiary. But I can tell you what I’ve done so far.

    When I registered dad’s death, our area offers a ‘Tell us once service’. The registrar gave me a code and told me to log on to their website and without having to send out death certificates to everyone, you can notify, DWP, HMRC, Passport, DVLA, Electoral Services, Council, Social and others, you just need NI No, Passport No, Driving licence number and it’s all done with one click.

    Regarding the bank/building society accounts, I made an appointment with the bank, I had to take a copy of the will, the death certificate and ID for me. They took copies of everything and they informed me that the accounts now become frozen, nothing can go in or out, so if there are any DD’s or STO’s you need to contact all involved. In my case there was none, so easy. Also, I was informed that if there is over a certain amount in the accounts, then probate has to be applied for. You have to check with your banks/building societies as the amounts differ. Regarding payment for funeral costs, I was told to present them will the final bill and they will raise a cheque from dad’s account to pay for it. I’ve since had letters from the bank, confirming on date of death the balances in the accounts and telling me funds will be released once I have the probate certificate and a letter signed by both executors saying where the funds should be transferred to. The building Society account though is much easier as that was held in our joint names and I’ve since had a letter telling me they have now changed it to just mine.

    I’ve been reading up on the Probate process, first thing to do is HMRC Estimate Assessment for Inheritance tax purposes, you use info from the bank balances and any outstanding debts, assets, property, shares etc and complete a form to see if you will be above or below inheritance tax threshold. You can apply for probate. I’ve been told this can take about 6-8 weeks,maybe longer and if doing it myself, I have to meet with a local probate officer and swear on a bible that I’m telling the whole truth etc etc, they then issue the certificate. Fingers crossed.

    My only concern for you, is the fact you are not an executor of your mum’s will. I think it might be a problem, especially as you say the executors are not really that involved, but you are. I think they can revoke their executor status, but it has to be passed then to the Solicitor to deal with, which could be costly.

    I hope you can get something sorted, but remember you can only do so much and it will take time. I remember emptying my dad’s house which was difficult and we did it over a few months and many, many trips to the refuse tip. I was lucky though, that I found a local charity who took all the big furniture items as long as they have fire safety labels. I just removed items I wanted to keep and said they could take everything else, the only thing they couldn’t take was dad’s bed as it had no fire label. So I had to arrange for the council to collect and dispose of it.

    Best of luck. Elle x
     
  6. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,005
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you @canary that is really helpful info. There isn’t that much money in the Halifax accounts so the probability is that they may release the money without probate which would pay for a funeral/wake but I know she had a Lloyd’s account with significantly more money in it so probate would be required.
    The thing is that the executors would probably have to choose a solicitor to deal with all of this including the sale of her bungalow for probate purposes.
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,576
    Female
    South coast
    In that case you have got nothing to worry about.
     
  8. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,523
    Hi Nikki
    I'm afraid I don't know the answer to a lot of your questions... I think you will have to wait until probate is granted. The money in your Mum's account would only transfer to you if the account was in joint names.
    But I do know the Bank can authorise a direct payment to the Funeral home for the funeral. I suggest you ring the manager at the Bank and ask for his help.
    These things do take time . The Funeral home may have some suggestions too.
    Best wishes
    Susan
     
  9. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,005
    Female
    East Midlands
    So I have just had the conversation with my cousin K - hashtag awkward. She really was not overjoyed at the news that she is executor so I said well we have to assume that you are at this moment in time. She asked if I was sure as she said she recalled convos with my mum saying she was & then saying she wasn’t!

    It appears that she will work with me though seeing as I know all the info & she doesn’t. So I said that i’m happy to go to fetch the will seeing as I am closer location wise to it & that I am happy to get valuations done on the bungalow & pass them on & I reiterated that we need to save money as much as possible.

    I said that it was getting awkward for me to try & plan the funeral due to all of this so I needed to have the conversation with her. She started saying it was traditional to have a church service then go to the crematorium & I said fair enough if you want to pay the extra for that!
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,576
    Female
    South coast
    Hm. I have a feeling that the will is only released to the executors.
    I remember that my brother and I had to book an appointment with the solicitor, including 2 confirmation of IDs each, in order for the will to be released.
     
  11. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,040
    Nottinghamshire
    I think canary is right. I’m collecting dad’s Will on Monday. I was asked to take id and death certificate and they checked that I was the executor.
     
  12. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,005
    Female
    East Midlands
    I will check. The solicitor was due to come back to me yesterday but never did. If one of the executors has to do it then they will have to do it. I will see if he will allow me to collect it though seeing as it would involve either a 1 hr plus journey for 1 executor to do it or 1.5 hrs for the other one to do it & for me it’s a 15 minute journey by car.
     
  13. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,005
    Female
    East Midlands
    I have the death certificate as that is already done, I will check as I said to Canary. It very much looks like I will be unofficially administrating all this while the executors execute it it all officially - unfortunately this was how my mum was in life. I have already heard there were several executors of her will in previous years. Never known someone to change executors as often as she did!
     
  14. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,040
    Nottinghamshire
    Bless you! It sounds like a nightmare. It’s a shame your mum didn’t appoint you. Families!!!
     
  15. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,005
    Female
    East Midlands
    My mum sadly was very awkward to deal with & continually fell out with people left, right & centre. She constantly threatened to change the Will all the time & as my cousin G said constantly dangled it in front of my nose to get her own way with stuff.
    After my dad died, she wanted my cousin G to be the executor of the Will but apparently she wanted to set a load of conditions about it all, so much so that cousin G said she did not agree to it & refused to do it.
    She is utterly appalled that my mum has done this & says it is all wrong but then again she was the victim of a 25 yr rift with my mum so... it is a nightmare for sure.
    It didn’t have to be but there you have it, that was my mum for you!
     
  16. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,005
    Female
    East Midlands
    So we have been to my mum’s house this afternoon for a couple of hours to start sorting it out. We have started with the kitchen & made quite good progress & have filled the green bin & chucked out a load of papers some of which go back years & years! One of the executors P has said that he is happy to help out & could take time off work to do it but I said it isn’t necessary just yet.
    Really the majority of stuff will come later..... it feels odd sorting out so much stuff but my mum hoarded & hoarded. Just clearing out the cupboards is complex but it is a task that needs to be done & something that I am sure that cousin K will want to avoid if she can!
     
  17. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,005
    Female
    East Midlands
    Even my mum’s neighbour opposite referred to my mum’s fall outs. My mum used to be friends with a neighbour 4 doors away but they would fall out regularly. I went over the road to tell her that my mum had passed away & she had guessed that had happened before she even opened the door, she is a really sprightly nearly 90 yr old bless her but not afflicted by dementia. How lucky she is!
     
  18. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,005
    Female
    East Midlands
    What a strange Mother’s Day without my mum. I always made an effort to see my mum on the day & think apart from a few occasions where I might have been on holiday that I saw her without fail.
    She always expected to have a fuss made out of her etc. I’m still probably in shock & still feeling numb.
    It feels like my mum passed months ago. Has anyone else had a weird, almost disconnected feeling to it? It must be shock even though we knew it was going to happen. I have to say that I am finding it hard to get over the fact that I’m not executor & that my mum has not left me in charge so to speak xx
     
  19. Paty

    Paty Registered User

    Mar 31, 2019
    13
    I hope never happen this to me, I couldn't live without my mom :(
     
  20. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,056
    Yorkshire
    sadly @Paty this will happen to us all - and the early days can be challenging and surreal - we survive because we must - we find ways to carry on
    for members of TP one way can be to come here and talk feelings through with those who understand, especially when TP has often before been a port in the storm
     

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