1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you so much.
    I’ve not done much for nearly 3 weeks & then the last week while my mum was on end of life care then I have hardly done anything business wise although I did sell something yesterday & went to the Post Office on auto pilot. The guy at the Post Office has seen the article in the local press over my mum’s last request to stroke a cat & before he got in to ask how she was, I told him she had passed away earlier. That was probably a bit weird but as I am self employed then I need to earn the pennies & pay the rent & bills. X
     
  2. hilaryd

    hilaryd Registered User

    May 28, 2017
    84
    So sorry to hear your news @Kikki21 - you've done so much for your mum. At least doing all the practical stuff gives you a bit of focus amidst the weirdness, and lets you feel like you're still doing something for her. For me, this part of the forum has been just as much of a godsend as the others - so much kindness and support. I often feel 'among friends' here more than I do in 'real life'. Wishing you rest and comfort after your journey xxx
     
  3. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    I have found your new thread & read it.

    You are coping so well, even though you must feel so sad and bereft.

    I hope you managed to get through today getting things done and can have a restful evening.

    Love & best wishes, Marcelle xx
     
  4. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you for your kind words @hilaryd - I feel like I am stuck in some kind of whirlwind at the moment. I want to give my mum a good send off but at a sensible cost & to me there is no point in paying out money for an expensive casket to look at for 30 mins or so when it will be cremated as per my mum’s wishes. And the thing is it’s all happening so quickly that I need to press the brake pedal on it a bit xxx
     
  5. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    I think this will be my new home @Marcelle123 - honestly I am finding the speed of officialdom rather relentless & to be honest quite unfeeling. My mum only passed yesterday & I feel pressure to appoint a funeral director & get her funeral sorted ASAP!
    I phoned 1 company today & got a quote which was £3800! That was at the top end of everything but even so.
    We made a dash for some paperwork at my mum’s bungalow which again made my heart sink with how much needs to be done to clear it out.

    Then I thought, I need to start getting quotes by estate agents done to sell the property but I also have to deal with the council & care home fees. I think I will be dealing with officialdom for quite some time. Xx
     
  6. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,511

    Hi Kikki21 You have had such a hard and difficult time and done so well. Not all of the things you've mentioned need doing immediately, Give yourself a bit of a break. It will be easier to do some of these things when a little time has passed. Thinking of you Susan
     
  7. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you. I know what you are saying. My plan was to clear out my mum’s bungalow last year & part renovate it & turn it into an Air BnB property for short term lets. It didn’t happen. We were too busy with work, both mine & my fiance’s & to be honest, the last thing we wanted to do if we had any free time was to clear out my mum’s house.

    As my mum went into a care home in the area we wanted to move back into, we ended up moving rented home twice in 1 year. The first time we moved, I honestly thought I was going to have a breakdown as my mum was still living at her bungalow & her dementia had really taken a grip & she was out of control, we had a controlled 2 weeks period overlap move but every 5 minutes my phone was ringing about my mum.

    However now clearing out my mum’s house will help me as the faster it is cleared, the faster we can sell the house which means the faster I get the funds left from the house, after care home fees are paid. It means I should hopefully be able to buy a house & get off the rental ladder.
     
  8. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    482
    Just wanted to offer my condolences @Kikki21 - look after yourself, take things slowly and gently, one step at a time.

    The idea of Pure cremations (not sure if I can put their website here) is really sensible and reasonable if you want a low cost cremation. Such a clever idea.

    Take care XX
     
  9. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    Hi @Toony Oony thank you for your condolences. Yes I did look at that company on line yesterday. We do want to have a service though of some sorts & it looks as though they are very simple but I will take another look, just in case I missed something. I do think that my mum would like a priest to officiate the service. And we want to make it personal xx
     
  10. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    So have made the difficult call to the solicitor because even though I am next of kin, I am not sure what I can or should be doing as I am not named as the executor of my mum’s will - well on the copy of my mum’s will that I found in any case which seems to be the latest version.

    As I said previously that I am not sure if the 2 executors even want to do it anyway. One of them lives in this country but is Polish & not familiar with our laws & it is a big ask for him doing all that from a distance not living in the area & the other executor is my well off cousin K who also spends a lot of her time in Poland nowadays so it is sitting things out from a distance & also both of these people had very little to do with my mum’s life in her final year, they didn’t arrange anything at all.

    So i’m not being funny but they aren’t the ones who will be clearing out my mum’s house & sorting all that out are they? Also I am on hand for viewings etc for my mum’s house & house valuations. It feels like a bit of a mess to be honest ☹️
     
  11. jem80s

    jem80s Registered User

    Jul 22, 2015
    8
    Kikki21 - I am so sorry to read that you've lost your mum :( I'm sending you a big virtual hug and love xx
     
  12. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    I’m not sure how many crematoriums you have in your area but they charge different prices so you might want to check that with the funeral director. We have quite a few here and all have their own charges which can be a £400 difference.
     
  13. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you so much, very appreciated xx
     
  14. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you @Rolypoly yes I already did that yesterday with the company I spoke to & they were all pretty much the same cost to be honest. 1 charges slightly more for a Friday but it wasn’t extortionate. My fiancé had been ringing round for more quotes & we have one now at £3100 & £3300 so that is a difference from £3800.
    I just spoke to my cousin G about the difficulties of the will & really am perturbed at all the stuff that needs to be sorted.
     
  15. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    I’m a great one for lists, even lists within lists, saves having to remember too much and can help with delegation. Categorise areas eg funeral, house, notification, work and break it down into small manageable chunks so that it’s not so overwhelming. Lists make it easy to add new things when they arise or are thought of.
    Probate is quite doable and doesn’t need to involve solicitors. As you have said you need to check the executor situation as they are technically in charge of your mums estate now.
    Remember, one step at a time, do the immediate then have a breather. A few things crossed off every day soon adds up.
    Wishing you well.
     
  16. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Just popping by to send best wishes for the weekend. What a difference a week makes - hope you manage to get some relaxation. Love, Marcelle. xx
     
  17. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you @Rolypoly I am a great one for lists too. The solicitor didn’t ring me back yesterday so there is not a lot I can do. I will have to contact both executors & ask the question myself it seems.
    Basically a solicitor will be required to do the house sale.
    I know bank accounts can be closed but where does the money go that is in them? Who holds it?
    I really would not be happy if the executors hold it, how can I trust them not to run off with it?
    I don’t have the money to pay for my mum’s funeral, neither does one of the executors. My well off cousin might. That really is the first thing to organise.
    Can someone help me know what does happen with the money? Xx
     
  18. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,511

    I think you might find the Bank will authorise payment for the funeral direct to the Funeral directors from your Mum's account.
    Susan
     
  19. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you @Marcelle123 - not sure about relaxation! I did an event with my business last night. I felt a bit shaky but I needed to do it to get a bit of money in the pot. We have 2 events next weekend as well.
    I’ve not done much work at all during the time my mum was in hospital & then absolutely nothing work wise for the week my mum was in end of life care.
    I don’t know about you guys who have gone through the bereavement process but even though she only passed on Wednesday, it feels like it was weeks ago. Feels very odd. I wonder if this is how your mind protects you xx
     
  20. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,996
    Female
    East Midlands
    Hi Susan how does that work?
    My mum has several accounts. She has 3 with the Halifax Bank. I have the death certificate now so I could go into the branch to close her accounts but does the money then transfer to me? I know technically that the executors should do it & hold it but the executors don’t know the information I know. She also has a bank account with a large amount of money in it which would cover the beneficiary requests in her will. Again the executors wouldn’t know where to start!
    I’m just wondering now how this all works between me & the executors. I am sure that people have to come to agreements because nothing would ever get done!
     

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