1. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    And so I find myself in this part of the forum.
    I always had a bad feeling about my mum going into hospital this time.
    Sadly I was right. Her final fight with dementia went on much longer than expected. She fought like a true champion.
    She didn’t deserve this at all, no one does but I do take comfort in the fact that she passed peacefully. It feels weird, surreal, even spacey that it’s all happened.
     
  2. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    437
    So sorry to hear this @Kikki21. So glad that the end was peaceful. Be gentle to yourself now.
     
  3. KathrynAnne

    KathrynAnne Registered User

    Jun 6, 2018
    272
    Female
    South Yorkshire
    Even when we expect it, it is such a shock. Sending hugs and may your Mum rest in peace xxx
     
  4. lis66

    lis66 Registered User

    Aug 7, 2015
    253
    So sorry kikki21 glad your mum is at peace ,you have been a wonderful daughter,hope you find strength in the comming days and weeks ahead thinking of you xxxx
     
  5. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,507
    south-east London
    I am sorry for your loss. Even when we know that the end is coming we are never fully prepared for it. Keeping you in my thoughts.
     
  6. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    So sorry to hear about your mum. Yes you were expecting it but that doesn’t lessen the sadness you feel along with all the other emotions. I hope you take solace knowing your mum is out of pain and finally at peace. I know you haven’t found the dementia journey easy but, despite all the ups and downs, you have been there every step of the way and done all that you could. You have been a great daughter and you now need to take care of yourself.
     
  7. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you so much for all the positive comments. I really struggled for the last few days with everything & all my emotions were just all over the place. I just could not understand why my mum was battling it all so hard & so many times I thought had we done the wrong thing but I knew that the final decline had started & the doctors agreed 100%.

    She had already had several infections in a few months so dementia really took a grip on her.
    I tried to make a positive out of a really sad day & took a thank you card, chocolates & biscuits to the nurses on my mum’s ward as they really were amazing.

    Then we went for coffee & cake as this was one of the first things that my mum taught my fiancé about Polish people with their love of cake, something that he totally approved of! We raised our cups to toast my mum.
     
  8. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    What a lovely thing to do. I raise my cup to your mum too.
     
  9. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    Bless you thank you. It made me smile as we always bought cake for my mum when we visited her when she still lived at home, she started being rather partial to a egg custard tart. Her eating habits seemed to change at the care home & she seemed to eat several breakfasts & then not want much lunch or dinner.
     
  10. Helly11

    Helly11 Registered User

    Apr 24, 2017
    49
    Female
    Derby
    Sincerest condolences on your loss Kikki21. Be kind to yourself at this sad time.
    xx
     
  11. Karen22

    Karen22 Registered User

    Nov 3, 2012
    63
    So sorry to hear about your mum but take comfort that she is now out of pain and distress. You did everything you could. Take care of yourself.
    Karen
     
  12. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you lovely people. I have had so many messages from people today, it has been lovely to feel that love & support.
    It also made me think that I need to buy myself some new clothes for the funeral so I look a bit more smart other than the comfy clothes I tend to wear! Big fan of leggings & a dress/tunic over them!
     
  13. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,502
    Ireland
    Ah, @Kikki21 , I'm so sorry for your loss. Your poor mum fought long and hard with her illness. No more suffering for her now, but knowing that doesn't lessen your own loss.
    My condolences to you.
     
  14. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    498
    Lytham St Annes
    Thinking of you, and so very sorry for your loss.
     
  15. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you. It feels very strange at the moment. I had got into the habit of getting clothes out to wear just in case I needed to put something on in a hurry when I went to sleep &’now I don’t have to do that.
     
  16. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,336
    Kent
    These feelings are strange and so often accurate Kikki. I remember the first time my husband went into hospital with aspiration pneumonia I thought it was the beginning of the end.

    What a lovely thing to do. So positive.

    No more hospitals or struggles for your mum. She is now resting in peace.
     
  17. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    I had a lot of spiritual nudges so to speak. I said many goodbyes to my mum in the hospital. Basically every time I left her bedside. But the last time, I wanted to stay a little bit longer & I lingered a bit more because I knew it was the final one. I knew that my mum wanted to spare me being there when she passed. And so it was.
    I have had so many messages, comments & phone calls of condolences, it has been lovely to have so much genuine support & love.

    On a practical level, I need to ring the bereavement centre at the hospital today after 10am & make an appt & then start making funeral arrangements I guess. I also have an event tomorrow evening that I need to do & try & sort out my stock for that xx
     
  18. Elle3

    Elle3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2016
    611
    Welcome to this side of the forum, I still don't feel like I belong here. I don't think my dad's death has sunk in yet, I'm hoping after the funeral tomorrow I can rest. But I also worry if I don't keep busy it will give me more time to grieve.

    Take care and again sorry for your loss. She fought a good battle and you did her proud.

    Elle x
     
  19. Pouli

    Pouli Registered User

    Feb 9, 2019
    49
    My condolences, Kikki2. You mum is at peace and you did everything you could for her. Still, the emotional shock is great. Don't be surprised if you do weird things, or find you just can't do anything at all. I feel I'm in limbo because all the structure has gone from my days. sometimes I just want to sleep; others I'm flooded with anger over everything that happened to my lovely husband. Yesterday they collected all the equipment - the bed, walking frames etc. It seems so terribly final, as if I'm tidying him away. I didn't realise what a comfort it was until it had gone.
    So be kind to yourself. You did your very best for your mom. Concentrate on that.
     
  20. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    I know what you mean @Elle3 it is awful when straightaway after someone passes that you are having to deal with all of the legal side of things & really your head is spinning.
    I’ve just sat down for a bit to breathe before o get ready to go to the hospital to collect the certificate. I then have to go to her house for some documents & then onto the registrars in town for the legal bit.
    I’ve contacted one funeral director to get a quote which was £3800! To be fair that was a quote at the top end of things but even so.

    With my mum’s wish to be cremated then I don’t see the point of fancy coffins etc. We can have the Polish Catholic priest officiate the ceremony at the crematorium so that is really what we wanted to save 2 location cost fees. She was a Polish Catholic so that would be a must for her.

    I hope all goes well for you tomorrow x
     

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