Goodbye and Hello

[jennifer1967]

i bet you do get down juggling the family but you are supportive as well. its good that you husband knows as you need support as well. i respect your opinions

 

[Woo2]

Thank you @jennifer1967 , very kind of you to say that . We all just try and do our best don’t we .

 

[Woo2]

Saturday night we took dog out at 9pm for a quick walk ,as soon as I left Mum started asking where everyone was and getting annoyed , eldest couldn’t cope and rang us , we made our way back but in meantime she rang youngest who came down and made her Nan a tea and sat and cuddled her until I got back a couple of minutes later . Yesterday Mum got up ok, had breakfast etc , hubby and I decided to take dog out earlier ,we left here at 11.30am )gave mum a coffee and put a film on) and returned at 12.30pm to Mum in bed , she got up at 5pm to use bathroom and went straight back and we didn’t see her until I took a tea in to her at 9am this morning . She has been ok most of day , straight after dinner though she did usual and went to toilet and then bed . She just came out and wandered so I directed her to bathroom and waited and waited and waited , she came out and I saw she had only her dressing gown on so I went to her bedroom with her and put her pyjamas on and helped her in bed , she never takes undies off unless I go in with her but most of time she slips off while I’m cleaning up after dinner . She tried to tell me something but couldn’t get words out but pointed to her dressing gown , I guessed she had missed the toilet , got her to bed and went to check bathroom but youngest beat me and it was covered in wee everywhere . I cleaned it up but I need some advise , I am more than happy to take her to the toilet and assist but what happens overnight ??? Do I sit up all night and wait for her to get up, do I put her in pull up overnight ? Will she forget sensation if I do that ? Will she forget and still get up and go ? I do not know what to do for the best , I don’t want to make it worse but I struggling with cleaning bathroom umpteen times a day . We are just finishing en suites for girls so they will no longer have to use main bathroom but hubby and I will , it’s not fun when you get up at silly o’clock and just want to sleepwalk to toilet and go back to sleep but first you need to clean and wash floor whilst you are bursting yourself . Anyone have any advice please ? We have thought about building an en-suite for mum but we discounted idea because the mess and upheaval wouldn’t help her (it would involve digging up our drive to access pipes etc and would be a major headache ) and also would she remember to use it .

 

[Shedrech]

Hi @Woo2
You can't possibly stay up all night... nothing will work perfectly so do what is best for you as the one who has to clean up... try pull-ups and see how it goes

 

[Woo2]

Thank you @Shedrech , I am trying to do what’s best for Mum but that’s not always what’s best for me . I shall try them , thanks. Sometimes I need someone else to point out the obvious , I am overthinking it.

 

[Starting on a journey]

Pull ups....you need all the help you can get. My mum has them in case of accidents at night, been wearing them about two months and no more wet beds.

 

[Woo2]

Thank you @Starting on a journey .We don’t have wet beds thank goodness . She gets up to go , just can’t seem to sit on the toilet , we have found wee in the bath on some occasions .

 

[jennifer1967]

i would say pull ups and can you put something on the floor to soak it up if your mum has accidents? something that she cant trip over then if it happens its just a case of picking it up , throw away and putting another one down. like a puppy pad or incontinence sheet[ like they use in the hospital on the bed.

 

[Woo2]

Thanks @jennifer1967 , I did think about taping a puppy pad but it is literally all over the floor , I do have old towels I use for the dog so will continue to use those .

 

[Sarasa]

Pull up's sound sensible @Woo2, in the short term. In the long term I do think you need to be chasing up your preferred care homes. Not what you want, I know, but it sounds things are at a tipping point.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

You seem worried about putting her in pull-ups 'too soon' in case she just gives up on taking herself to the toilet.

But once incontinence starts... I'm sorry but it will only get worse. You've also got the issue that your mum no longer knows where the toilet is or where to sit when she gets in the bathroom. Regular prompting works for a while with some people but it's no help for you at nights. Put her in pull-ups, put the puppy pads down and the kylie on the bed...

So sorry you're having to deal with this - I couldn't.

 

[Weasell]

Ok ! Some ideas in no particular order:
I found your post particularly heart rendering.
It is situations like this that keep you awake at night thinking ‘ what is our future’?

Buy wellingtons several sizes too big for you.( quick to put on and remove) use them to entering and leaving the bathroom. Or the gardening shoes like cut down wellingtons..
You can go into a room with so much urine you look around and think ‘ do we need to import some koi carp ?) but wearing the wellingtons somehow disconnects you and makes the mopping duties better.

Change the toilet seat for a red one.

Obtain a toilet surround frame to make sitting and standing easier.

Purchase a mat that will give an alert if she leaves her bed at night.

Get her tested just in case she has a UTI.

Go to the doctor and discuss medication options for nights for her. Do you observe that people that pay privately get to try all the night medication, but NHS patients do not receive any because of their falls risk?

Push fluids in the morning not forgetting all the foods that contain fluids, porridge, soup etc. Try smoothies with ice cream added. Reduce fluids in the evening.

 

[Woo2]

Thank you @Sarasa @Jaded'n'faded , I am worried about putting her in them too early , trying to balance what is best for her and me but I will do it , I need to find some large ones as she is a size 22 and the ones I bought do not look big enough . Thank you for your helpful and encouraging advice , it is very much appreciated . @Weasell thank you too , I have thick rubber soled slippers but I do possess several pairs of Wellies so will bring a pair in , I have checked her for Uti weekly since start of lockdown looking for a reason for change , Gp has checked it twice too in the last couple of weeks .
We have fitted a high toilet and a special ergonomic seat to help , I can try the frame it’s just I know when I was young I would not use toilet in grandparents house that had one , my daughter's would not like it and there isn’t the room to move it out of way as we have a small bathroom , I know it sounds like I am putting obstacles in the way but hubby doesn’t want the house changed too much as it was his family home and it is our family home now , I try not to let mum being here affect their day to day life too much , but it is getting more difficult .

I will get an alert mat . Would a dark toilet seat help or does it need to be red ? mum drinks a lot during the day but I stop fluids from 7pm , she only goes max of twice a day which I find incredible as I go far more than her . She did have front and rear prolapse surgical repairs some years ago and did suffer with constipation all her life but she hasn’t had that since she has been living here. She does have lots of fruit, veg , fibre and fluids .
honestly you have all helped me enormously , thank you again for the wise words and support .

 

[Up the Creek]

If it helps @Woo2 my mum‘s a size 20 and wears Tena large pull-ups. The XL were too big for her.

 

[jennifer1967]

maybe try one thing at a time as you wont know what works. your mum may not need the frame. might be just pullups at night.

 

[Woo2]

Ah great thanks @Up the Creek , it is those that I have got so will try them tom . Thanks @jennifer too. It isn’t the actual leaking really that’s a problem as I got her leakproof undies ,it seems it’s more her not sitting on toilet , it actually looks like she is sitting on the side of the bath sometimes , so may start pull ups and perhaps change toilet seat , we have a special reinforced one with lugs on side as we went through umpteen that just sheared off .

 

[jennifer1967]

Ah great thanks @Up the Creek , it is those that I have got so will try them tom . Thanks @jennifer too. It isn’t the actual leaking really that’s a problem as I got her leakproof undies ,it seems it’s more her not sitting on toilet , it actually looks like she is sitting on the side of the bath sometimes , so may start pull ups and perhaps change toilet seat , we have a special reinforced one with lugs on side as we went through umpteen that just sheared off .

can i suggest that speaking as a bigger lady, the seat on the toilet is not too small and allows sit comfortably with the seat hole big enough[sorry can find a more delicate word]. there is a difference, the old-fashion one we had before council renovated the bathroom to a modern one was bigger

 

[Woo2]

I get what you mean @jennifer1967, it is a reasonable size , it’s just a very sturdy seat and has not broken /come loose as the lugs grip the side of toilet to stop movement .

 

[jennifer1967]

like a raised one you attatch i have still got mine from when i had half a knee replaced 3 yrs ago and couldnt bend down.got a frame now and you have to sidle out as ours is so small. waiting for bathroom to be adapted as he cant get into the bath and we have shower over the bath. bit awkward for me as well i have a stool in the bath to sit on. we were referred to the council where we rent from the OT and social worker. my husband has a bed lever and when i change his bed, i have to take it out as well. goes between mattress and base and gets quite heavy and awkward.

 

[Sarasa]

How are things @Woo2? I saw you were up at silly o'clock and I hope you are OK.