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Goodbye and Hello

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,630
Ireland
I'm not sure whether it was for the bathroom or not but I'm sure @LadyA had some low level lights fixed to the wall, which were on a sensor and came on as her husband moved along the corridor. I seem to think they were battery operated. Although I might be remembering this completely incorrectly as it was a good few years ago now (that long slow decline of Alz means I've been here a while :oops:)
No, you are indeed remembering correctly! I had battery operated, stick on, motion sensor lights. When my husband sat up in bed, a light came on beside him on the wall. As he walked down to the end of the bed, another light came on there, as he turned towards the door, another came on. And the hallway was lined with them. They stayed on for about 30 seconds, I think. They were brilliant, and really helpful in guiding him around during his night time wanderings in the house.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
What a day ! Mum still snoring an hour before her club, opened her door a little and then just carried on making noise , she came out a bit bemused , breakfast , tea and tablets done , no wash (had shower yesterday so no real problem ) helped her dress and off we went , walk in the door and have a quick chat and in comes a pup jumps at everyone and manages to cut Mums arm in two places :confused: bled quite a bit , between staff and I we cleaned them and put plasters on , all ok I headed off . They rang later to say they were taking them out to a garden centre and then to a restaurant for lunch . Picked mum yo happy as Larry , ask what wants for dinner .... not much I’m full up , then few minutes later says actually I will have dinner ! All fine , start watching the proms and daughter comes in and quietly chats with me , mum glares and tells us all to be quiet , other daughter comes in, gets glared at . Hubby runs off and hides ,offer to put it on in her room for her , NO ! We all tiptoe around , then she marched off to her room and turns and moans that I should like the same music as her , we do I replied that’s why we watched it too , stropped to bathroom , stropped to bedroom , shut her door very firmly , bet she is now snoring whilst I’m stewed up ..... the life of a carer what fun and interesting times . Not helping me win the battle of keeping her out of a home by saying she doesn’t affect us as a family much and is easy going:rolleyes: hopefully a happier day tom🤞. The day centre really does wear her out ,we have a few days of humpiness after , when does it become a hindrance and not a help ?!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
:( 🤗🤗🤗 Such a shame about your mum being so tired and humpy after DC, it's supposed to give you a bit of a break and her a good time. If/when you're not getting more benefit than the trouble going causes then it could be time to think of stopping. I can't remember if you put notice in for one of days before when had trouble with the not nice lady and changed days? I seem to remember something about they said couldn't cancel it,but if did/could I wonder if one day a week might be less tiring for her and you? Or if possibly your mum could go for a shorter time? Is it a set time thing? Mums ageuk one she went to was a set time 9-2.30 but there was new one that was just opening in our town before lockdown was open all day but you could go for part days, if your mums does that it might be worth a try her not going for quite as long see if she's less tired and humpy afterwards.
You're really being put through it today I so hope tomorrow is better for you 🤞🤗
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
Thanks @annielou , It’s def an option to do 1 day for sure , we changed her day and she really likes the ladies on both days now . Mary comes once a week too . Will just have to keep weighing it up. She can do less hours but would have to pay for full day . She does enjoy it and so do I it’s just the regular aftermath , maybe just because hubby off this week and I’m trying to shield him from what it’s like day in day out in case he says that’s enough now . We are edging closer ,I have narrowed homes down ,think I will call some next week and get her on waiting list , I really can’t envisage her going in but must put big girl pants on and accept it will happen sooner rather than later.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
I think following up on the Care Homes is a good decision and having your Mum on the waiting list of several will be good. It did not quite work for my Mum but it was about 2 months before No 1 choice had a space (which was about 3 hours too late as signed contract with one that did have space). As you know you can always say your Mum is not ready yet. It is hard when you can’t envisage it but like many others it could happen after an unexpected event.
I know you say you will still have to pay for a full day but what about if you took her out one of the days after lunch for a couple of weeks and see if it makes a difference. Of course you could find that your Mum then is ‘unhappy’ leaving the fun early. Or could you have Mary for another half day instead. Are the days spaced out?
I hope your Mum’s arm heals up quickly and that she was not distressed by the incident. I guess the fact that you have a dog would help.
I hope today is better
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,698
Hi @Woo, glad that the day centre are taking people out again. I hope my mum's care home starts doing that soon.
Glad you've narrowed down care homes. I know it isn't what you want, but it sounds like what might be needed. Your daughters are very good with having their nan there My husband hated having his grandmother living with them. He's never really spoken about it much, but he opened up recently about having to clean up after she had an accident with her colostomy bag. That was nearly fifty years ago and it has obviously stayed with him. It certainly made him insist that my mother wouldn't live with us.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
411
Good news @Woo2 about DC taking people out. It sounds like when the kids got home from school when they were little, enjoyed their day but tired and grumpy at home! As others say, you'll just have to weigh the benedits and down side.
Yes, definitely a good idea to put your mums name on Care home waiting list, as if her name gets to the top you can always say mum not quite ready, and then I think they still keep her name down if that is what you want.
Hope things are still going well with Mary Poppins.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
Thank you @Bikerbeth @Sarasa @anxious annie :) I will just see how it goes , she has always been tired and a little grumpy for a day or two after club, to be expected I guess it was just a bit pleasant evening last night , youngest is brilliant with her nan , cleans up bathroom incidents no problem ,Eldest comes out and let’s me know I need to go and clean if I miss it ! They are both on the whole ok with it , their dad does talk to them regularly , every day or two he checks in with how they are doing as obviously they are more truthful with him as it’s my Mum , they are happy at the moment for her to be here , if we have regulars nights like last night then I will need to see if medication can be tweaked then if not then a home it must be as the girls have a right to be happy and comfortable in their own home and I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable. DC only had 4 ladies yesterday so they felt more comfortable in being able to deal with that number and could get them on the bus easily enough , think it was a spur of the moment thing. They all had a great time . Thank you all, next week I will arrange to put her name down as you say I don’t have to accept it until we are ready , but better to be organised than rushed in to a decision and it’s where has a vacancy only . I’m sorry about your husband’s experience @Sarasa😞 it obviously did affect him deeply . Mary is great , she is still adjusting I think , first time role for her so we are both learning but are very open and honest with each other.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
Shame you'd have to pay for full day if mum didn't do full day at DC but it might still be worth trying either taking her an hour or two later or collecting her an hour or two earlier to see if she gets less tired and humpy. Because hubby is off to see and thoughts of CH are in your mind it may be increasing your awareness of mums tired humpyness at minute. Maybe another chat with GP about mums medication might help. Sounds like you have options to try before CH if you want to and as you and other say you can be contacting them to go on waiting list in meantime and then if things don't work you would be on list already so have a back up. 🤗 🤗 Making decisions about a loved one is so hard and scary but you've done a great job so far x
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
Thanks @annielou . She is due to see CMT nurse soon for her annual review which was due in Feb, they are aware as I called them a couple of months ago , they wanted to see if she improved once back at DC and rule out UTI before any changes in medication , so hopefully it won’t be too long before they come . I will try and chat to Gp too but really they seem to have very limited knowledge of Dementia and rely on CMT (community mental health team ) or look in a book the last time I went there ! We will just monitor it and see I think for a while . It’s just last night as well as being grumpy she was quite rude and I didn’t deal with it as well as she was having at go about the girls , she accused them (to me not them thank goodness ) or stealing her chocolates , saying they don’t seem to consider I’m a lady on my own , I said “Mum you sat there when you got back from club and ate the whole box full by yourself and I put them box in the bin, she didn’t believe me ,but I distracted her and thought she had moved on but again this morning I was given a dirty look and talking to me like poo on the bottom of her shoe . Made her breakfast and tea , gave her tablets , for one word responses and while i was washing up she went to her room . I feel bad that girls are having to hide away in their rooms to avoid her bad mood , although they do spend most of their time up there it’s their choice and not to avoid grumpy Nan . Hopefully she will cheer up later .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
My mum does that 'poo on her shoe' look really well. I occasionally told her not to look at me like that I'd done nothing wrong and it was just a mix up but it rarely worked. Not much does does it except waiting it out and hoping for them to forget about it. Funny when spend so long feeling sad they forget other things and then they seem to remember grumpy moods longer than anything else :confused: :rolleyes:
I think as a teen we all spent a lot of time in our rooms rather with family anyway so yours probably would do that a lot anyway and it's not always down to nans moods.
We had a GP for years who whenever you went he'd say 'What do you think it is? and then he'd look either in a book or when we he went computerised he'd look it up on there. It was Patient heal thyself at our surgery :rolleyes: I think where dementia is concerned they don't really know much. Here mums tablets were prescribed by memory clinic so at least could talk to them and they sort it rather than bothering with GP. Funny how different places do things different. Hope your mum gets her review soon 🤞
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
Well hubby came in and out her favourite musical on lo and behold she is ok again, a bit of a push to say happy but ok so that’s improvement ,and I made her lunch and gave her a bit of cake ;) yes Mum has always had the “look” today’s and last nights was sneering almost . Anyway I shan’t dwell on it , done now and moving on , thanks @annielou🤗 so many things are present in so many other PWD that they should be in a book .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
That sounds nice that DC took your Mum and others out and your Mum enjoyed.
I really hope the day comes soon that there is one procedure nationwide for dealing with Dementia (I live in hope). All authorities seem to work differently. At least people could be given guidelines and help more easily shared.
I hope your Mum’s mood continued to improve as the weekend progresses
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
I too wished that there was a national consensus and procedures . The mood has improved slightly thanks .
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
😂 Mood improved ,thanks @anxious annie then Mary P came and took her out for lunch , then they came back and sat in garden while I did some gardening , Mary said she warmed after a short while and that she looks tired ..... I said well she slept from 3-7pm and then went to bed at 8pm last night . She had got crabby again since Mary left , has eaten only a few mouthfuls of dinner (too spicy ) :rolleyes: has eaten it lots of times and it wasn’t spicy . Got the face on so just gave her ice cream and that worked short term but can see it’s going to go down hill fast .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
Oh heck, I hope her mood picks back up again soon 🤞 sounds like she's up and down quite a bit, it's so hard wondering how they're going to feel and why they're upset. I don't think they know a lot of the time which makes it worse for both of you. Anything else you can tempt her back in to a good mod with? Good luck I hope you get a good evening x🤗🤗