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Goodbye and Hello

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
Mum started wandering all around the garden, wouldn’t answer me , then sat on garden bench looking upset , I sat with her and asked her what was wrong , she wouldn’t tell me for ages , Mil was waiting for me as we were due to leave for hospital but I couldn’t just leave mum stewing with girls having to sit with her , after much nudging she told me again about something really very bad that happened to her (I’m not sure it’s true ) but she was upset , managed to cuddle her and tell her he was dead (he isn’t I don’t think ) and he couldn’t hurt her anymore and to let go of that particular memory and set herself free . It seemed to work and I was able to get on my way and mum was fine, find it weird how when she is upset this particular bad memory rears it’s ugly head .
 
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annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,636
Yorkshire
Oh bless that’s so hard. I hope it didn’t happen but even if it didn't it is still upsetting your mum and that’s awful. It sounds like what you said did the trick.
I hope she has been ok while you were out. I did used to wonder sometimes if mum sensed when I was going somewhere and became a bit unsettled and then searched her mind for reason she felt unsettled and came up with a reason that wasn’t the real reason. When mum is unsettled even when I’m not going anywhere she often tries to come up with reasons that are not the actual reasons.
Not as awful a memory as your poor mums, but mum has a very clear detailed memory of dad telling her recently when he wanted to live with C. When in reality he didn’t live with her till 7 years after they split up and he never spoke to mum about her and had never said it when they actually split up either. It never happened but it is so realistic to mum and she often repeats it. In fact it is probably the clearest memory she tells me that stays the same when she tells it.
I hope your mum doesn’t remember her horrible memory again and was ok while you were out. Hope MILs procedure went well x
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
Mum was absolutely fine while I was out , and happy when I got back , I then left again an hour later to go back and get Mil , it was a half drive each way so left mum for an hour each time , happy enough tonight , she has eaten a little less than usual but had a small glass of wine and then promptly went to bed at 6.30pm ! She will be up soo early tom . Glad she is ok though . Its sad isn’t it , I wish I could make it go away for her , It must be so upsetting for you @annielou hearing your mum go over that loop . 😞

Thank you both , Mil got on fine , a little tired and suffering from the sedation but ok.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,636
Yorkshire
Glad your mum was ok and hadn't got stuck with her bad memory, that's a relief x Glad all went ok at hospital. Hope your mum has good night and you and family do too and not too early a start tomorrow 🤞
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,551
Bedford
How sad for your Mum that, that ‘memory’ keeps reoccurring whether true or not as obviously real to her. Well done on settling her. I am also glad that she was fine with your daughters whilst you were out both times.
pleased to hear that MIL was ok too.
Like @annielou said I too hope that you are not up with the dawn chorus
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
I was very glad she was ok, I left the girls with a small stash of biscuits and chocolate , they know there is always ice cream in the freezer if it gets really bad . Youngest was just about to get the next lot if biscuits out when I arrived home :). Mum knows somehow when I have to very occasionally pop out to chemist or the like and then seems to psych herself up and I end up being late out.
yes def one less thing to worry about with Mil, she has other issues so def didn’t need another . Off to bed shortly just in case it’s a 5am start tom . Hope you both have a restful evening .X
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
Hi @annielou , yes she did thanks , she got up and said she had vertigo again and went back to bed so I just presumed that was it for the day , but she got up again about 8am and wanted her tea and breakfast so I said , shall we get your clothes out and have a quick wash and teeth brush , so she did and we went off . The Ladies were waiting and took mums temperature and asked some general health questions , they had separated the tables and all had their own box with activities and plate, cup and cutlery in . The staff all had masks and gloves and they were sanitizing every hour and getting everyone to keep cleaning their hands . Mum was wearing a mask when I collected her . They were jawing away when I dropped her off and I wanted to say stop talking and let me go and enjoy some peace 😀. I did have 5 hours though and had a good clean of the house . She was fine when I picked her up too. You have another week don’t you until you’re mums one manager gets back from holiday to speak to ? X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,636
Yorkshire
Oh thats good news. I'm glad your mum got back up ok after her vertigo early on. So glad you got a break even if you did spend it cleaning, even doing that uninterrupted is a plus isn't it. Glad your mum was ok afterwards too 👍 Big thumbs up.👍
Sounds like staff being careful which is good.👍
Think manager at our ageuk one mum goes to is back thursday so probably hear from her after that. I can imagine my mum will moan if they're doing that at hers, though I think it's a good idea, sometimes she's ok about washing her hands and wiping stuff but lot of time she moans and says we've been doing so and so for years we never used to wipe it, or what do I have to wash my hands again for and she doesn't like the masks so not sure how she'll go on if has to have one on all time there, but we'll see what they say and how it goes. Won't know till we try will we. 🤞
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,551
Bedford
So pleased to hear that DayCare went well for your Mum. That break will give you a little time for yourself or at least ‘to get on’. Is your Mum just going once a week?
It sound like Day Care are being sensible and taking lots of precautions which must settle your mind.
Maybe next time you can have a long walk with the dog Or something nice with the girls Or feet up with good book/film . Just heed your own advise :)
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
They seem to accept it better from others and it was just part and parcel , I’m amazed she was wearing the mask ok. She had not long gone to bed and seems happy enough so all good . Thank you . Hope mum gets back soon , sure she will slip back in to it no problem . 🤞
Thanks @Bikerbeth 😂, you are right . She will hopefully go back to 2 day’s a week so I am planning to do something more relaxing on one of those days , walk poochand do something with the girls . How’s things with you ? Hope your back is better and Oh feeling better too . X
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,551
Bedford
Things are good with me and back is much better. OH is much better too but he did have an MRI today and he has another scan next week due to the markers in his blood tests.
Had some interesting conversations and emails with the Clinical Lead at Mum’s care homes - mainly positive and I will post another day as I need early night tonight.
Strawberries finished, early spuds dug up and stored. Still sharing raspberries and now blueberries with the blackbirds. Fighting the pigeons with the broccoli now so moving net from strawberries to cover the broccoli. rhubarb still providing a lovely crop.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
That’s great news about your back , and encouraging that oh is having tests to found out what is going on, hopefully you get some answers soon 🤞 . Great about positive news re mum ,look forward to reading .
Our broccoli has been massacred by Cabbage Moth, we counted about 60 caterpillars when we dug it up and disposed of it . We are literally drowning in French and climbing beans , still waiting for runners and broad beans . Have 12 mini cucumbers , can’t wait to harvest those soon. Peas are finished , strawberries are still spreading and have some flowers appearing so hope for a few more if the sun comes back . Take care .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,690
Glad the day centre went well @Woo2 , long may it continue.
On the garden front I made a compote(?) with our plums yesterday which we had with vegan Magnums, very yummy. I'm still getting the odd strawberry and there are tiny tomatoes on the tomato plants. The lupin was looking very sad but I moved it elsewhere and it seems to be perking up. My garden is a tiny patio one, but it appears slugs and snails haven't ventured to that bit.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
For a small garden you do sound to have quite a bit in it , compote sounds lovely . Good news about the pests ! Husband out rough bricks under the veg boxes and they will not claim them , that’s why we have been lucky , they have left my hosta’s alone as we moved them farther away from vegetation . Gladioli in full bloom and are cheering us just looking at them . My lupin’s have all gone to seed now .
Yes I am hopeful tom will be no problem to get her there and we can slip straight back in the routine , she was ok last night , not wandering at all .
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
Took mum to day centre again yesterday , she trotted In fine , I was early arriving to collect her and whilst waiting I saw mum sitting in chair with back to window , there was a lady waiting by the door (as they had been told it was time to get ready for their bus journey home ) when the manager opened the door she tunrned round and said very harshly to the other woman “Not you , you wait there “ I know this particular lady can be a little challenging but it made me feel awful to see it . Manager said to me “mum has manged to put a lot of stickers on the tablecloth today but she did take them all of again :( she has two on her glasses case .Mum comes out visibly upset /angry , took about half hour for her to get out that one of the staff had asked her to do something but it was said in an unnecessary harsh tone . I brushed it off and said oh she was prob having an off day take no notice . I have rung the office and told them that mum will not be going on a weds again as this is the second incident where that day is concerned ,she said oh she is an acquired taste but between you and me she has handed her notice in , I remarked that they are loud and brash on a weds and mum doesn’t really take to those kind of characters ,made it clear I have no issue with the staff but mum is unhappy and I need her to enjoy it and remain a positive experience , I have requested a day where one or more of the staff from a Mon are there . The lady that runs Monday told me that she quit over the handling of the last incident involving Mum as nothing was done but they persuaded her to go back , she will feel sad when she finds out there was an issue again but hopefully happy that mum will be going on her days only from now on .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,636
Yorkshire
Oh dear what a shame. Hope you can find another day that suits mum better. When We were talking about mum going manager suggested wednesday as quite a few people there that were a nice mix but not too many, whereas one day there ended up being mainly men and another day just women, mum wanted a mix. She told us some people go 2 days and which day a lot of ones who go wednesday went in case mum ever wanted go on another day and see same people. As it turned out cos mum got community transport bus wednesday was day she was offered so it worked out ok. I think staff and other client personalities need match with your mum for her to enjoy it don’t they, so hopefully if mum switches days she’ll find a better fit 🤞