• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Goodbye and Hello

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,197
South East
Morning , I have tried both again this morning , was 5th in queue after an hour of waiting I have given up , will try again later . I have ordered the test strips and portable pans so I will get a sample as soon as they arrive. She has been a little better yesterday and so far this morning , lulling me in to a false sense of security 😂 . Tried to encourage her in to shower as hairdresser coming later , she was in bathroom for 20 minutes so I bit the billet and knocked on door , she opened it so I said strip off, here’s a towel , got her in shower , gave her the flannel and put shower gel on it , I turned around and left her to it , then turned shower off , gave her towel and left her to it , she cane out smelling much fresher than she had for a long time , I was sure she wasn’t using shower gel or shampoo, am going to try keep going in there but have ordered some shower gel/shampoo all in one to make things a little easier . I feel so much happier that she is clean and fresh . She is wandering a bit while typing this.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,395
Yorkshire
Well done on shower👍You’ll both feel better after hairdresser I bet. Its ridiculous trying to get through isn’t it. I had to call gps earlier as they’d rung mum to go back for another blood pressure check and she wasn’t sure of time etc. I thought I was really lucky today as got through on first call after ten minutes which is unusual. Hope you get through soon🤞 And also your mum has good day X
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,197
South East
Gosh that was good , never get through that quickly . I will sneak out while hairdresser doing mums but missed the boat for gp as have to ring in morning . Oh well better luck tom, I may do it on way to hospital as you cleverly suggested :) 👍.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,395
Yorkshire
Gosh that was good , never get through that quickly . I will sneak out while hairdresser doing mums but missed the boat for gp as have to ring in morning . Oh well better luck tom, I may do it on way to hospital as you cleverly suggested :) 👍.
It was like winning lottery getting through so easy. Good luck🍀
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,197
South East
We have had an ok few days , very much the new normal . Managed to get through to the CMHT yesterday after 10 days of trying , they are going to speak to Mums consultant and get back to me , she doesn’t have a UTI which they seemed to be hoping she did as a way of explaining the new agitated , wandering phase . The Gp surgery is proving impossible to get hold of, whatever time in the morning I call I am invariably past number 10 in the queue and after being on hold for over half hour I have to give up , if I ring after lunch I have missed all appointments . Never mind we just plod on . I am glad she doesn’t have an infection , I am giving her drinks constantly but she needs to be reminded to drink them , she also can go all day without needing to wee, I said yesterday, you have drunk as much as me and I have been to the loo about 10 times and you haven’t been at all , after me mentioning it a few times she did eventually go . Day centre rang to say they are re opening Mon, I have been waiting for this day but now it’s here I am actually a little worried about sending her . She is as strong as an ox and could fight anything off but not sure I want to take the risk , if I do t though when will I feel ready as can’t see the virus going anywhere just yet , so I know I probably need to bite the bullet and send her , just worry too about Fil , he is getting weaker and frailer and falling a lot recently , Is almost completely incontinent now , coupled with his diabetes and heart failure he certainly couldn’t fight it .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,481
Total pain about the GP's surgery. Can you email or call in in person? Not sure that either of those things would help, but you do need an appointment.
I think going back to Day Care should be fine. They wouldn't re-open unless they were sure they had robust measures in place, and you need the break and time to re-group. Sorry that you have a poorly father-in-law as well. {{{hugs}}}
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,395
Yorkshire
Sorry still not through to Drs its hideous trying to get through to anyone these days, although I did get lucky the other day, it's not the norm. So glad you got through to MC, hope they get back to you quickly and you don't need to chase them up 🤞
Sorry to hear your FIL health is worsening 🤗 It's hard having to consider your FIL and MIL as well as your mum and you, your husband and children. By the sounds of it the day centre are doing very best to avoid any contamination though and I think they will send anyone home with slightest sign of anything virus related. Its so hard deciding if safe to have any contact with anyone else isn't it but I think they will be as careful as can be. It might help your mum to go and see others and do different things and it would give you a break for few hours. Do you see FIL every day? If not maybe don't have contact with them on day centre days, or if do then I think there are ways of cutting down risk of passing anything on to FIL, things you probably do anyway like a good handwash for mum and you when she returns. Anti bac wipe anything either of you touches till done hand washes. Wash your hands and maybe change your clothes before go to see FIL in case any virus germs on your clothes or hands so no risk of transferring them to FIL. Try to not let your mum wear clothes from day centre again another day until been washed in case anything on clothes so if you touch or hug her another day it's not passing onto you and your clothes before you go to see FIL, You could even wear a mask if really wanted just in case.
Hope you get quick reply from MC and hope today is good day x
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
328
Do you have online access to your surgery? I order mums prescription on it and you can book appointments too, although not many available ever!!
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,197
South East
Dr’s are not doing online app as they are only telephone consultations , when I got through last week at 2pm she said I have to ring in morning but so does everyone else in the country ! Have just had call back from CMHT he says it’s natural progression , wouldn’t want to medicate mum if can help it , we agreed she will go to day centre and he will review after 6 weeks to see if this has helped , he presumes its the lockdown effect and progression . Fil lives next door so have no face to face contact just talking through fence but he has fallen a couple of times and husband has had to jump the fence and pick him up . He flatly refuses to contact Gp as scared they will send him to hospital and he won’t come out . We will from now on out on masks when going near him , I am taking mil to hospital app again tom so will wear it , we do practically bath in anti bac gel and bleach trying to negate risks as much as possible . Thank you all .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,395
Yorkshire
Glad you finally heard back, though they've not done much, I suppose it is probably combination of natural progression and lockdown but it's a shame that just means accepting a deterioration in behaviour and mood. I know medication doesn't help with confusion and capability but it does help with mood and anxiety to some extent, though obviously not only answer and not always best one. Hopefully more stimulation with seeing more people at day centre will help and if it doesn't and you need to call them again I hope next time it doesn't take as long to get to speak to someone.
Hope all goes well with your MIL and hospital tomorrow. x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,397
Bedford
It seems from my reading on various threads that you have had a tough week in lots of different ways so sending 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗
I am thinking of increasing my ‘free minutes’ on my phone package. I never got closeto using them all until Covid 19 came along.
Of course it does have risks sending your Mum to Care Home but the benefits to your Mum and you should be more than the risk so I say definitely try. I remember reading one of your posts this week and you really seemed you needed a break.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,197
South East
Thanks @annielou @Bikerbeth . Yesterday afternoon was very difficult , rude , belligerent mum, I kept smiling and and asking is she would like a drink, if I could help her with anything , she gave me a dirty look and blanked me , so that was it for me , I made her drinks and put them on her table and then sat and looked on phone and didn’t speak , strolled around garden , then cooked dinner . She did eventually try to say about 8pm something but I couldn’t work out what so I said everything is fine Mum . She walked up and down the hall in to her room , shut door , a minute later out she came , walked to lounge , saw me went back to her room and so this went on so half hour later I went to my room and had a read then had fallen asleep when daughter came in just after 9pm to find me :rolleyes: . This morning I just smiled and made her tea and breakfast and all seems ok, got to keep her happy this morning as daughters looking after her while I take Mil and I don’t want them to have a struggle . I’m expecting her to be tired next week if she goes to day centre but if after a couple of weeks she is still like this then I will get on to Gp for medication as I can’t have too many more nights like last night , husband won’t want to come home and girls stay upstairs so I was alone all day and evening . Don’t blame any of them leaving me to it. Hope you both have good days too .😊
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
328
I really do feel for you...if mum is affecting your life and your families life like she is then maybe it’s time for a care home?
My mums care dominates me but I only have a grown up son at home and she is pleasant most of the time and sometimes funny and a pleasure to look after. I couldn’t do bad atmosphere, never have been able to. My husband and I rarely argued neither of us liked it
 

Susie7300

New member
Jul 10, 2020
3
Well a huge plus this morning, managed to get mum in the shower , sounds silly but it’s almost a battle to get her in there more than once a month. She used to have a strip wash every day but flannels have been dry for about 2 weeks, teeth brushing is very sporadic too , maybe I should be trying harder but I try to pick my battles , how does anyone start to step in to help their PWD wash ? I am finding very hard to cross that line from daughter to carer .

Like many others mum was always very smartly dressed , nails always painted . If I paint them now she sits there and picks it all off within an hour or so .
Why do I question every single thing I do ?! Have I taken her to gp often enough , should I take her to the dentist more frequently , should I be doing this that or the next thing , I worry about her wellbeing more than if she was my child . Oh well onwards and upwards . Feel better just writing this down . I’m sure in the future I will read this back and wonder why I worried so much about her not getting dressed some days .
Hi There, I’m new to this forum but thought it might help my journey too. Washing my mum is a massive problem and likeyours is a constant battle to try and get her in the bath to wash. She smells and keeps the same clothes on for at least a week, including pants... any ideas how I can encourage her to wash and change? So so hard and I’m not coping very well x
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,481
Oh @Woo2 , things seem on a bit of a knife edge. I think maybe you need to have a family conference when your mum is in bed about next steps. I know my husband feels his teenage years were blighted by having his grandma live with them, and you don't want your daughters to end up with bad memories of their grandma, which he now has of his.
My mum used to do the grumpy with me for no reason scenario too, but as I didn't live with her it was easy to cope with. It usually turned out she thought I'd been there and ignored her, or left without saying goodbye. Of course neither of those things were true. {{{hugs}}}. Hope it goes OK with MiL this afternoon. I get on much better with my MiL, who is one of my best friends, even though her dementia has more or less consumed her now.
Hi @Susie7300 , and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. I've no advice about persuading someone with dementia to shower. I know the carers in mum's care home struggle to get her to have one. So much so that I got sent a picture of her after having had one this week. They obviously thought that was a major achievement.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,197
South East
Hi @Susie7300 , welcome from me too , sorry you have the need to join us . I have learnt not to ask, I put shower on now and get her towel etc ready and say “mum shower is on “ smiling , I do now have to go in with her as she was getting in shower but not using soap or shampoo so smelt as bad when she got out . She won’t change her underwear either and wears then overnight too so at least when she gets in there I can whip them away and get them in wash . I do put her clothes out each morning but she puts them away. Still learning . Please keep posting as there are so many knowledgeable people on here and the support is brilliant . Take care .
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,197
South East
Thanks @Starting on a journey @Sarasa , I have probably made it sound awful but it isn’t really , yesterday was first bad afternoon in a while really , she is on the whole happy and calm and content , my husband wouldn’t of had her here to live if she wasn’t , I think a lot of it is me, struggling being Indoors for so long , roll on Monday when I will get a break and hopefully feel a bit happier . Girls are ok with Nan being here , their only concern is they don’t want her to die here , obviously if she was to get a major pain more frequently then there is no question she will be going to a home . I too get on brilliantly with Mil, always have , I call them both Mum so sometimes they both answer .
Edited silly spelling mistakes .
 
Last edited:

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
328
We all get bad times, we just need to react when the bad time’s outnumber the good.
Just took my mum to Asda for click and collect, she sat in the car throughout and had a lovely time apparently!!
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,397
Bedford
It seems from my reading on various threads that you have had a tough week in lots of different ways so sending 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗
I am thinking of increasing my ‘free minutes’ on my phone package. I never got closeto using them all until Covid 19 came along.
Of course it does have risks sending your Mum to Care Home but the benefits to your Mum and you should be more than the risk so I say definitely try. I remember reading one of your posts this week and you really seemed you needed a break.
I mistyped I meant to say Day Care not Care Home
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,197
South East
We all get bad times, we just need to react when the bad time’s outnumber the good.
Just took my mum to Asda for click and collect, she sat in the car throughout and had a lovely time apparently!!
Small things and all that 😊 Glad she enjoyed herself . I will def change things when it gets too much , husband wouldn’t allow it to go on too long for any of us but especially our daughters.
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
115,351
Messages
1,687,436
Members
66,296
Latest member
Doxey50