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Goodbye and Hello

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,918
Chester
Son's radishes have sprouted their first leaves - he's planted them outside in insulated box, along with round carrots

Glad to hear your mum is a bit better

Hmmm - my teenage girl didn't need anyone to bicker with - if we'd been on lock down anytime from 4 years ago to one year ago it would have been hell
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
Mum was quite chatty yesterday , I was feeling frazzled as nearly every tine she goes to the toilet she must be hovering (as someone very wise suggested ) as there is pee all over the bathroom floor and seat . I have to make sure I get in there straight after to clean up as daughter walked in it thinking it was water splashed out from shower :rolleyes: . Feel quite mean in getting exasperated with it as she has cared me over the years and cleaned up after me . It’s not the cleaning up it’s the frequency driving me mad . Hubby is struggling , he said while it didnt affect us too much he was happy for her to live her , (he wouldn’t have his parents live with us) but he is getting close to his line in the sand , so am trying not to let him know how often it is , or let off steam in front of him . Annoyed at myself for getting down about it ,have put bin back in bathroom and she is now putting toilet paper in there , which is better than on/in the bath . Sorry that sounds like a sorry old me whinge , I don’t mean it to be, I am very lucky that mum is so relaxed , she is pretty happy unless I do a job where she can’t see me then will take herself off to bed .

we have put some seeds in greenhouse, but just waiting to get the others out in the beds . Trying to stagger the planting. Hearing about the nurseries possibly going bankrupt is sad news this morning .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,711
Yorkshire
You're not mean or whingey, anyone would get worn down with that. You have such a lot on. x My hubby has got to stage a few times where I haven't been able to talk to him about mum much as he's been so stressed and worn down with it he's needed a break from hearing about it. It is harder when you can't talk about it thats why I think on here is so good.
Its not ideal but I suppose the paper in the bin is better than on bath, easier to empty bin. This might be an odd idea but have you thought of using puppy training pads round the toilet to catch the overspill? You could cut a hole out so its U shaped like a toilet mat shape and fits up the sides and at the front. Its an added expense and would mean a trip out, or probably could order online, but it could absorb the wee and stop it spreading round toilet floor as much until you next get in there, so you might not have to be on red alert all the time for mum going to loo. Not the same thing obviously but I used to put them under our cats litter tray when she got older as she developed a habit of sitting on edge of tray and some would go over side. Also when my nephew who was a bed wetter stayed once when my sister forgot the dry nite sheets I used them a couple of nights on bed to protect mattress . We used to get ours from b&m cos cheap, but tesco and supermarkets have them too.
Sending big hugs 🤗
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,630
Bedford
Your frazzled and entitled to a whinge. I have it on good authority though that it is not whinging but venting and venting is good for you ;)
i hope the pads work and eases the stress. May the bin continue to work as well.
It must be difficult trying to ‘please’ all. I guess hubby is also worrying about you and the effect this has on you and maybe that makes him worse. Not sure if that makes sense.
It is indeed sad about the nurseries- we use a proper old fashioned nursery run by 2 friends and their partners and they give out loads of free advise as well as the plants
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
Normal day , mum washed twice as forgotten she had by the time she got to her bedroom so comes out and washes again , kind of makes up for the times she forgets completely . I am a little short today , I realise it and have tried hard to be nicer, she looked bored and I was knitting , have asked multiple times if she wants to knit but always says no, today she says ok and I gave her mine , she was soon off , needles clicking and it was like the old times as she has always knitted , I go in to kitchen to start dinner , come back to it all off the needles and she is pulling it all apart , why did I get so bothered it’s only a pile of wool but I didn’t let it show just said oh never mind it’s fine. She just sits in chair all day , can’t get her interested in anything , tried to play cards and word search games but she gets frustrated when can’t do it so I avoid them now . We don’t play any games as don’t want to leave her out or put her under pressure to join in or not . If I chat to hubby about anything and nothing she takes umbridge and goes to bed , I look at her when chatting I involve her but she doesn’t reply , I spend most of my day talking and getting no response so I do give up sometimes and then she gets humpy, really seems a no win situation , just don’t like the thought of her feeling sad or angry . Am really missing the day centre 😕I have told hubby that from tom I am leaving the house for half an hour to walk the pooch , I need that time out as I am getting a moody miserable so and so , he spends all day in his shed and can’t understand why I don’t leave mum watching a film so I can do something that I want . Only 2 weeks in, long way to go yet ! o_O Mum is really noticeably worse for the isolation and lack of exercise and stimulation, but can’t see what else I can do without putting her at risk . Well that’s out and I feel slightly better for the whinge ... sorry the vent .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,630
Bedford
Well vented @Woo2. Would your Mum do colouring like @annielou ’s Mum. I am thinking maybe easier. Could you start some other knitting just for your Mum. Could she help in the garden? Sorry probably useless suggestions. The only thing my Mum was interested in was walking. I guess the frustration for you particularly is that it is when your Mum can’t see you or have your undivided attention it seems to get difficult.
i am glad for your sake you are going to put the daily dog walking in place - you really sound like you need it.
I hope today is a better day
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,711
Yorkshire
You definately should get away for a bit on your own, you need it. Not because you're a moody miserable so and so, but because everybody needs a bit of time to themselves and you're never off duty.
I had 3 months of being with mum 24/7 and really struggled not having time on my own. My sister stayed with mum so I could go home a few times so I did get some time away and so I wasn't as full on as you even for those 3 months.
Its exhausting being on alert for mum needing help with something while doing what needs doing in everyday life and also being chief entertainment officer and you need a bit of time to breathe on your own without having to do something for someone else.
Mum is slightly better now since she's been taking her sertraline but still struggles to entertain herself or do much and looks at me to do it. She wants me to talk to her but its hard when she cant follow conversation properly and I have to try pick subjects that wont confuse or upset her. When you spend everyday with someone its hard to have anything to tell them anyway. Mum will knit a bit now since she started sertraline although hadn't for a few weeks since colouring, she has knitted a couple of simple scarves, but she'll only knit when me or my sister is. I have to step in to help if she goes a bit wrong, or thinks she has, as like your mum she'll pull it all out and not want to try again. Maybe you could start something simple off and next time you knit ask mum and give her her own simple piece to do while you do yours. Mum does scarves but maybe you could try to get mum to knit squares in different colours you could stitch together to make a throw/blanket she could use. Sometimes I knit for charity just simple baby blankets or bonding squares for preemie babies. Maybe if your mum likes being useful she might be persuaded to try something like that Now she's had a go once she might be willing to try again, but then again she may have thought didn't like or be scared to try again but it might be worth trying again just in case.
People need something to do but its hard to help a person with dementia find their thing. I can't believe how my mum has took to colouring now, I have tried a few times in past but this time she has really took to it. She tells me often how calming it is and how much she enjoys it. We chat a bit while doing it but she is quite happy sitting quiet doing it too and will even pick it up when she's on her own too. Somedays she doesn't do it long, others she does it for hours. I print a lot of free pages off the internet so apart from paper and printer ink it doesnt cost much and can do loads at once and same ones over again. Maybe you could get one of your daughters and or you to do some in front of mum and see if mum will try.
It sounds to me like you try VERY hard to entertain and keep your mum happy and also look after her very well. Sometimes people do get bored or upset but as carers we always try to stop it or avoid it, but it can't always be done, it's not our fault its the nature of dementia and life in general and we need to tell ourselves that. We try our best but we can't keep someone happy and entertained all the time.
Sending you and your mum both virtual hugs abd hope today you get out and breathe for a bit 🤗🤗
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,711
Yorkshire
Just spotted @Bikerbeth posted while I was writing my LONG previous post and said the similar but in a much more succinct way👍, gawsh I do ramble :rolleyes: :oops: lol.
But anyway thats two of us saying yep you need some time off on your own. I hope you manage it 🤞 🤗
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
Thank you lots @Bikerbeth , @annielou , you have a way of making me feel so much better ☺ much appreciated xxx you read that ramble of moaning , really want to delete it today but then it’s supposed to be a diary so it will stay. I feel so much better knowing I will escape each day for half hour , hubby says “stop feeling guilty and just go and do what you want/need to “ I just don’t find it that easy, was upstairs helping youngest tidy her room and heard mum go off to her room to sulk , so came down and had a quick chat , back upstairs , 10 minutes later her bedroom closed again ! @annielou you are confusing me with someone that can do anything creative🤣 , I can’t knit very well, mum taught me donkeys years ago but I have literally only just picked it up again so I doubt I could sort mums out but I have ordered new needles and more wool and will let her have her own , she did crocheting too, my mum in law just made 4 blankets from all the squares we found in mums loft .she has steadfastly refused to try anything , I don’t know wether to keep trying and reinforcing that she can’t do it or leave it . She has several colouring books , some days she will do it others no . She just stares in to space if left to her own devices . We will carry on trying but def will ask girls to sit and do some as they both like it too, great idea thanks . The sun is out and it’s looks like a good day so I’m off to start housework and then later plan my escape for a short while😜 thanks again lovely ladies . Xxx
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
No suggestions useless @Bikerbeth , all very valid and I’m grateful for them. :) @annielou please never change, I enjoy your posts as I like reading and you give more background info for a fuller picture , please carry on 👍.Have a good day both . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,711
Yorkshire
My mum was a fab knitter and also taught me as a child when I was rubbish at it, at 16 I knitted a baby cardigan and bootees for my pregnant sister that actually fit my nephew at age 2 :oops: I did do a couple of simple multi coloured blankets though which were quite good as nobody knew what size they were supposed to be :D
I tried again many years ago when I got married. I used to have to show mum a pattern to see if she thought I could manage it at first as I wasn't great at technical patterns but got better over the years. Mum used to knit all sorts of patterns, quite complex until the last couple of years when she couldn't remember them properly and would be forever pulling them out.
She used to regularly knit fancy baby blankets for a local group to sell for charity and was so frustrated when had to stop doing them. That's why I started the scarves, not something I usually knit, in hopes mum would try it. She didn't for a long time but then one day she just did.
Just cast on and then either knit every row, or as me and mum usually do k2 p2 which makes a nice ribbed one, when its long enough cast off.
Simple squares for a throw or baby blanket or bonding squares can also just be all knit rows so simple to do without having to keep track. A plain knitted blanket with a contrast yarn blanket stitched round the edge can look quite effective and very simple to do. Or if you have cotton yarn then dishcloths or facecloths are a good simple square project.
The hard part I know though is getting mum to engage with it. I think just try gently suggesting it a few times and if gets frustrated leave it for a while before trying again. My mum does do better at doing things when we are so maybe your daughters doing same thing will encourage her to try.
There's another full picture post for you lol:rolleyes::rolleyes::D
Enjoy the Sun x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,630
Bedford
Please don’t delete your posts. It’s your thread and as you say it is a record. With the nature of dementia there are always going to be lots of difficult days but some good one, some fantastic one and lots of middling ones. Venting is good.
Enjoy the housework :)
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,630
Bedford
My mum was a fab knitter and also taught me as a child when I was rubbish at it, at 16 I knitted a baby cardigan and bootees for my pregnant sister that actually fit my nephew at age 2 :oops:
Oh @annielou that made me smile 😃 😅
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
I didn’t really understand is the p for pearl as have heard mum mention that in the past , no clue how to do them , Mum in law was going to teach me while mum at day centre as don’t want to upset her , perhaps I will have a look at YouTube . Mum in law is casting on again for me as we speak . You are very clever @annielou . Good luck with the painting :) x
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,711
Yorkshire
P is for purl stitch yes, which is basically bring yarn to other side of your needle and putting your needle into other side of stitch to when you do for knit stitch. There are loads of instructions & diagrams online n videos on you tube. Its the easiest stitch after knit and looks like a knit stitch from other side if you get my drift.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
Thank you :) I will have a look and a try later on . I do enjoy knitting but i might need to have an experiment and find the right size needles .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,846
There are lots of useful videos on YouTube to help you master stiches and techniques, worth having a look. I'm making a blanket at present, got the wool in case we ended up stuck indoors for weeks. It's very simple just knit, casting on and then casting off stiches to make squares. Mum is not a very good knitter, it was my grandma who taught me. Mum did make a bobble hat for my son when he was a baby. The bobble wasn't very neat to say the least. We called it his wild boy hat and he looked so cute in it. So it doesn't matter how good you are, it's having fun doing it and people appreciating the effort.
You are doing so well @Woo2, and going out for half and hour on your own seems very necessary. I would have murdered my mum by now if he were stuck indoors together.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
Thank you @Sarasa , I dropped a few stitches, but I am learning where I was going wrong , I find it quite relaxing so I will definitely be carrying on . Going to watch some videos later , thanks . Would be nice to see a picture of the wild boy hat :) .
 

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