went to see my wife this morning asked if she knew who i was she said yes you are my husband but i cant remember your name i got a few nice smiles from her and she said how i did nice things for her at home and can she come home, when i saw her last week there were no smiles and she didnt know i was her husband are these changes normal
good visit today
- Thread starter oldboy
- Start date
Absolutely normal! Last time I visited mum in the pod, I was the devil incarnate, an evil person and I was not to visit her again! Yesterday while my sister was with her, she is her nominated visitor so sees her inside the home, we FaceTimed and my mum was delightful, kind of knew who I was and said she was looking forward to my next visit. She even said “Take care love” as I said goodbye like she always used to. I admit it made me cry a little to see her more relaxed.
Hello @oldboy and welcome to DTP
I take it your wife hasnt long moved to her care home.
You will find it is quite normal to have a variety of different outcomes to your visits. Sometimes she might seem almost back to normal, sometimes she might be full of accusations and sometimes she might tell you how horrible everyone is to her and how unhappy she is, but these moods are like the passing wind - there and then gone. Treasure the good visits and dont let the bad ones make you feel guilty.
You may well find that as your wife settles and the care home is meeting her needs, that she will become calmer and you will have generally better visits. Dont let them fool you into thinking that she would be able to come home. The only reason that she seems better is because she is in an environment where there is a simple routine, nothing is expected of her and there is someone around (who isnt tired and stressed) every minute day and night to reassure her.
I take it your wife hasnt long moved to her care home.
You will find it is quite normal to have a variety of different outcomes to your visits. Sometimes she might seem almost back to normal, sometimes she might be full of accusations and sometimes she might tell you how horrible everyone is to her and how unhappy she is, but these moods are like the passing wind - there and then gone. Treasure the good visits and dont let the bad ones make you feel guilty.
You may well find that as your wife settles and the care home is meeting her needs, that she will become calmer and you will have generally better visits. Dont let them fool you into thinking that she would be able to come home. The only reason that she seems better is because she is in an environment where there is a simple routine, nothing is expected of her and there is someone around (who isnt tired and stressed) every minute day and night to reassure her.
I am glad that you had a good visit with your wife @oldboy.
As others have said, what you have witnessed in your wife's changing behaviour and awareness is fairly typical of how dementia can present itself.
After all your worry, I hope you were able to take comfort from seeing your wife doing well where she is living - though I can also understand how this kind of fluctuating behaviour can leave anyone caring for their loved ones feeling quite confused.
As others have said, what you have witnessed in your wife's changing behaviour and awareness is fairly typical of how dementia can present itself.
After all your worry, I hope you were able to take comfort from seeing your wife doing well where she is living - though I can also understand how this kind of fluctuating behaviour can leave anyone caring for their loved ones feeling quite confused.
As others have said, absolutely normal @oldboy . When my wife was in a MHU at the hospital before being transferred to the nursing home I used to be able to visit fairly regularly. I encountered a wide range of reactions from her, ranging from deeply loving to raging anger and pretty much everything in between, including sometimes a blank refusal to see anyone, including me. So don't be too upset - it's the devil dementia about which the best can be said is that he/she is an equal opportunities devil. We all same to get the same!!
God bless
@oldboy it is a behaviour that I found difficult to adjust to and still struggle with. He does appear to be more or less in a stable or consistent frame of mind. And as canaray described I also believe this is due to him having become used to the straightforward routine and his every need is attended to by people who are always smiling . But this is not to take away from those moments when he is more positive and reacts to me that makes me feel there is still a connection between us. These instances are so important to me.
thanks @canary and others yes she seemed back to her normal self and i thought why is she in a care home but as much as it hurts i know she is being well looked after the staff and manager seem really good. i know hand on heart if i brought her home again we would be back to square one in no time.thanks again to all on here your comments really help me
