Good bye Dad!


Registered User
Apr 21, 2004
Dad died at 12noon on Thursday!
We were called to his home after he took a turn for the worse on Thursday morning. He'd got a chest infection (something he's always fought for the last few years) and was put on anitbiotics on wed night. He was given a double dose on Thurs morning, but when he was being washed he started turning blue and couldn't breath.
By the time we managed to get to Dad - about 10.45 - he breathing was so bad that it reminded me of what people say a death rattle would sound like.
Luckily he didn't seem in pain and the nurses were hopeful he was going to pull through and get better. We were told by the doctor he'd developed pnemonia and he was given some extra drugs to help open his lungs.
Unfortunately by 11,30 his breath got more shallow.

Luckily most of us had managed to get to see Dad and all tell him how much we loved him and that we were all there for him and fighting it with him. We held hands a lot with him and helped cool him down with cool fanels. He stopped and started breathing a couple of times and final took his last breath just after midday.

It couldn't have been more peaceful for him.

We now preparing all the arrangements and I'm still finding it hard to let go with my emotions and cry after all these years dealing with his illness, but hopefully they will come when I ready and they need to come out. I'm just better at coping with everyone elses sadness and makikng sure they are ok. Perhaps it's a coping mechanism!

Just also wanted to say how grateful I was to find this wonderful Talking Point to air my concerns and views and I know that your advice and posts have been invaluable to me coping with Dad's illness.

So very very sad. I miss him so much it my heart hurts.

Will be back again soon.
Take care to all.... Karen.x


Registered User
Nov 28, 2004
Dear Karen, At a time when I am missing my dad so much, please know that I am thinking of you.


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hello Karen

Thanks for letting us know. As happens, your message was both sad, yet not so sad because he is now free of this awful illness. Things could only have become worse, and your description of the last hours make me think that this is the way I would want Jan to go.

Best wishes for the next while, and of course, condolences.

Take things slowly.


Registered User
Jun 2, 2005
Los Angeles, USA
Dear Karen W.,

Condolences to you and your family. As Bruce says, it is not an occasion to feel sorry for your dad, since he is now no longer ill, but it is hard for you.

My parents are both still alive, Dad in a nursing home and Mom in an Alzheimer's home. I couldn't tell you how often my husband and I say to each other, "God, aren't they a pain in the neck! God, won't we miss them when they are gone." I know I'll be devastated when they go, even though there are a lot of problems to deal with now.

Karen C.


Registered User
May 20, 2004
Dear Karen

Hang on to that autopilot setting - it won't make the pain in your heart go away but it will help you get through a little at a time. I'm so glad you had that time at the end to be there with him - I don't think I could have coped if that had been taken away from me.



Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
Thinking of you Karen. I know what you mean about the coping mechanism.
Take care,


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Dear Karen, thinking of you at this sad time. Your Dad is at peace now, remember him as he was before the illness robbed you of him, that is how he is now. Sending you and your family a big hug, love She. XX


Registered User
Apr 21, 2004
Thank you all so much for your messages of support.
I'm so lucky have a wealth of TP friends to help me through this.
Today is not a good day. We went to the florists to organise the flowers which was hard. It's all hard, but I know the pain will ease in time. Just taking a day as it comes...slowly like Bruce said. And taking Norman's words to heart more so than any other time with Dad's to day.
Just counting down to the funeral on Friday now with still so much to do. We hadn't even thought about Dad dying so it's hard trying to remember that we've covered everything.

Will be back again soon.

Thanks again all.


Registered User
Jun 13, 2005
Bless you

I lost my dad too. He was the one looking after my mum with Alzheimers. The one that was supposed to be alright. He had a massive heart attack. I was there. I breathed his last breaths for him and I know how hard it is to lose a dad. That was three years ago this September. I didn't believe at the time that I would ever feel better about things. People said time is a great healer and I wondered how that can be. All I can say is that time IS a great healer. Coming to terms takes a long time but we are our fathers daughters and we know that they want us to be happy. I get strength still from remembering the person he was. God bless you Karen. Be strong.
Cat x

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