My 85-year-old dad was widowed almost 7 years ago. His memory was declining while Mum was still alive; it’s been getting progressively worse and the last year or so he has been getting very confused and delusional. He lives alone, and I am 2 1/2 hours drive away and my brother is 3 1/2 hours drive away. After Mum died we were visiting him at least monthly, until Covid-19 struck and neither of us has been able to visit him very much. My brother has been shielding and my husband has a heart condition). I’ve managed to arrange for carers to go in twice a day to check up on him and make sure he’s taking his tablets and eating OK.
He’s started thinking that the house he’s been living in for the last 30+ years isn’t his home; he talks about having his parents visiting him (his mother and father have been dead for 30 and 40 years), respectively) and how he will be moving back home with his dad. He thinks my brother lives just around the corner, rather than 160 miles away, and frets that he won’t pop round to see him. He’s also called the ambulance out in the night - he has no memory of calling them, but I think he must have made a silent 999 call), and has also had the police out in the middle of the night with some implausible tale of how a young woman that was on the news as missing had visited him in the afternoon.
I’ve discussed my concerns with his GP (last September) and managed to get him referred for a memory clinic assessment, which happened (after a lot of badgering on my part) in early March. He told the nurse that he had no concerns at all about his memory, then completely failed to remember my last name, and didn’t do well on the memory tests. I spoke to the nurse who did the tests, and she said that it looked like Alzheimer’s but the next step would be to have a head CT scan and then to see the consultant. We have the head CT booked for later this month.
He’s now started talking about selling his house and moving back to the small town he lived in until he was 15. My brother and I feel this is a very bad idea as the place has changed beyond recognition in the last 70 years, plus he would be moving away from his support network where he currently lives (his neighbours have been great, plus he has a local lady friend) and starting again totally on his own in a strange place, knowing no-one.
It’s hard knowing what the right thing to do is; he’s getting to the point of not being safe to be on his own but he doesn’t want the carers to come in for more time so I don’t think he’d be happy with a live-in carer. He’s not been at all keen on the thought of moving into a care home. Neither my brother nor I are in a position to be able to drop everything and move in with him, as we are both working full time.
He’s started thinking that the house he’s been living in for the last 30+ years isn’t his home; he talks about having his parents visiting him (his mother and father have been dead for 30 and 40 years), respectively) and how he will be moving back home with his dad. He thinks my brother lives just around the corner, rather than 160 miles away, and frets that he won’t pop round to see him. He’s also called the ambulance out in the night - he has no memory of calling them, but I think he must have made a silent 999 call), and has also had the police out in the middle of the night with some implausible tale of how a young woman that was on the news as missing had visited him in the afternoon.
I’ve discussed my concerns with his GP (last September) and managed to get him referred for a memory clinic assessment, which happened (after a lot of badgering on my part) in early March. He told the nurse that he had no concerns at all about his memory, then completely failed to remember my last name, and didn’t do well on the memory tests. I spoke to the nurse who did the tests, and she said that it looked like Alzheimer’s but the next step would be to have a head CT scan and then to see the consultant. We have the head CT booked for later this month.
He’s now started talking about selling his house and moving back to the small town he lived in until he was 15. My brother and I feel this is a very bad idea as the place has changed beyond recognition in the last 70 years, plus he would be moving away from his support network where he currently lives (his neighbours have been great, plus he has a local lady friend) and starting again totally on his own in a strange place, knowing no-one.
It’s hard knowing what the right thing to do is; he’s getting to the point of not being safe to be on his own but he doesn’t want the carers to come in for more time so I don’t think he’d be happy with a live-in carer. He’s not been at all keen on the thought of moving into a care home. Neither my brother nor I are in a position to be able to drop everything and move in with him, as we are both working full time.