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Going Through Documents!

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
Hello Everyone!

I have been going through documents and sorting things out between what needs to go and what needs to be kept. Anyway some time ago I posted a thread about an account of dad's with money for my nephews and of course I never found anything with their names on it but today I found a file of an account in dad's name and at the top he had written "Children's money"! It is sad to find this a year after dad's death but it wasn't in their names and of course as I was POA and helping him to pay for his care and looking after his finances. The money ended up being amalgamated with another account to pay for his care. If I had found this document before I could have maybe set it aside or something but it wasn't in their names. However dad passed away before all his money ran out so my brother did get something but it is very sad to find this. The date on this letter was the year before dad was diagnosed when I first started to notice symptoms of dementia. Myself and my youngest brother noticed these but my other brother (my nephews father) was unconvinced and there's not much I can do now but settle things as best I can.

MaNaAk
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
564
Scotland
there's not much I can do now but settle things as best I can.
You are doing the best you can MaNaAk and that's all anyone can do. As you say, your brother, the children's father received something so they have not been left out.

I am in the process of sorting everything out after hubby's death end of January - no complications really but it's dragging on due to lockdown, etc. I would just like to have everything completed.

Lilac
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
Thankyou @Lilac Blossom,

Yes! That money was still dad's as it wasn't in their names. It was just so sad to find and left me with a series of 'what if's'. I'm probably going to find other sad things as well.

It's very hard being a carer.

MaNaAk
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
542
Gosh, old documents are such a problem! I've now removed every piece of paper from mums house as she is now living in a care home and we intend to rent out her house. I was hoping to find a stash of money as I found out that she regularly drew out large sums of cash from her bank before we activated the LPA - in one six week,period, she withdrew £1700 but was not going shopping on her own by then! No such luck! What I do have to sort out are her share investments - my dad bought shares in many utility companies when they were privatised and after several share splits, we have no idea of how their value as I think some key papers are missing

Luckily I have a financial adviser who looks after my pension plans ( complicated after several career changes and a divorce) so I'm planning to ask for his help in valuing the portfolio.

I suspect their value is a lot less than we think!
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
Dear @Lynmax,

You could be dealing with a company called Equiniti. I found a lot of bank leaflets of course I was told by my invisible that I should have done this a year ago!

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
Of course by Children your Dad might have meant you and your brothers.
He wrote my nephews names but the account was is in his name and when I was POA. I had to look and keep an eye out for statements and this document was in a container under his bed under several other files.

There were other files for dad's accounts in other drawers and letters and statements from this bank all in dad's name. Of course I was POA and I had to deal with all his accounts and pay the carers and care home. Unfortunately this money would have been regarded as one of dad's to help pay for his care. It's very sad to find it all I can say is that I did my best and I will continue to do my best according to his will.

We carers get the strength from somewhere.

MaNaAk
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,415
He wrote my nephews names but the account was is in his name and when I was POA. I had to look and keep an eye out for statements and this document was in a container under his bed under several other files.

There were other files for dad's accounts in other drawers and letters and statements from this bank all in dad's name. Of course I was POA and I had to deal with all his accounts and pay the carers and care home. Unfortunately this money would have been regarded as one of dad's to help pay for his care. It's very sad to find it all I can say is that I did my best and I will continue to do my best according to his will.

We carers get the strength from somewhere.

MaNaAk
I was lucky Dad was organised and there's only Mum and me to think of. I've still got problems with my Uncle's estate. He died intestate over 3 years ago. My cousin is organising everything and Mum still hasn't seen a penny of her brother's considerable estate.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
Mum was more organised than dad and tended to be the one in charge of their finances but as POAs we carers can only do what we can and what we know of. I hope your mum sees something but it could take longer in this climate.

MaNaAk
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,415
Mum was more organised than dad and tended to be the one in charge of their finances but as POAs we carers can only do what we can and what we know of. I hope your mum sees something but it could take longer in this climate.

MaNaAk
Thanks. It would be good to have it sorted out now. It's a long time to wait.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
Hello Everyone.

I have been going through documents again and whilst there is a lot of rubbish I have had to go through a lot of personal stuff and it is very difficult. I found mum's autograph book, dad's diary and dozens of letters. All these will be kept and I also found dad's devastating brain scan result. It is fascinating reading these things but it is also very sad and I can't believe they've both gone. I also found letters from my nana full of memories alongwith my records of dad's sugar-level checks showing how I kept an eye on his diabetes when I was his carer.

There were also documents in odd places as he tried to stay organised with Alzheimers. I enjoy going through these things but it is also emotionally exhausting so I am taking a break to cook dinner.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
Not sure whether anyone's read this update but it is good type on here when the grief comes back like it did when I went through these documents today. It's difficult dealing with this when you live on
your own.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
When I read my records of dad's sugar levels it reminded me of how I tried to do my best to care for him.

MaNaAk
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,415
When I read my records of dad's sugar levels it reminded me of how I tried to do my best to care for him.

MaNaAk
I'm sure you cared for him extremely well. It's a mixture looking back. My Dad died 2 years ago this week and my husband reminds me of how much I helped them to live in their own home for the last few years of his life. When I sorted Mum's things for the CH i found some diaries and it was a joy to read of how often they went out dancing....they were expert ballroom dancers...with their friends. You were obviously a great help to your Dad and you will be able to look back and remember him with love. Perhaps you could get a special box for all the special things you want to keep. It will be good to know you have these memories . Take care Susan
 

May30

Registered User
Feb 25, 2017
48
I'm trying to help my mum sort out my dads things. He has so much stuff. I'm struggling to get rid of anything as when I do I regret it. I'm so scared of forgetting what it was like to be with him and I feel like I'm letting him down getting rid of his things. I've got two bin bags of stuff for the dump that are sitting in the back of the car because I'm worried about throwing them away. I went through his stuff from the care home and threw away a pair of trousers and a fleece and as I was carrying them to the container at the dump I realised they smelt really strongly of the care home but I threw them anyway because I kept thinking that I can't keep everything. But now I regret it as the smell reminded me of visiting dad. I just want to remember what it felt like sitting with him. Can't stop beating myself up about getting rid of them.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
I'm sure you cared for him extremely well. It's a mixture looking back. My Dad died 2 years ago this week and my husband reminds me of how much I helped them to live in their own home for the last few years of his life. When I sorted Mum's things for the CH i found some diaries and it was a joy to read of how often they went out dancing....they were expert ballroom dancers...with their friends. You were obviously a great help to your Dad and you will be able to look back and remember him with love. Perhaps you could get a special box for all the special things you want to keep. It will be good to know you have these memories . Take care Susan
Dear @Susan11,

I'll be thinking of you this week. My parents met in the ballroom as well and their relationship progressed from their. You may have some of my other threads and know that I may have to move at some point so that's why I will be putting some things aside for me to keep.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
I'm trying to help my mum sort out my dads things. He has so much stuff. I'm struggling to get rid of anything as when I do I regret it. I'm so scared of forgetting what it was like to be with him and I feel like I'm letting him down getting rid of his things. I've got two bin bags of stuff for the dump that are sitting in the back of the car because I'm worried about throwing them away. I went through his stuff from the care home and threw away a pair of trousers and a fleece and as I was carrying them to the container at the dump I realised they smelt really strongly of the care home but I threw them anyway because I kept thinking that I can't keep everything. But now I regret it as the smell reminded me of visiting dad. I just want to remember what it felt like sitting with him. Can't stop beating myself up about getting rid of them.
Dear @May30,

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Take things slowly and don't rush. If anything brings back certain memories keep it. I am also having to think about what I need to keep for probate. Like @Susan11 you are wonderful and my thoughts also go out to your mums.

MaNaAk
 

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