Going on alone

[sunray]

Esmeralda I lost my husband Ray eight years ago. I still remember the turmoil of living with someone with so many conflicting needs but my life as a widow has different highs and lows. I keep this thread going because I still keep in touch with friends I made on here as a Carer. Perhaps you will be in my position one day but in the meantime I do understand the frustrations that a Carers life involved. Hope things get better for you soon.

 

[sunray]

I have found my widows life in Covid times has been difficult but at least we are not in a red zone now. We were called Greater Syndey for a while and were in semi lockdown. Christmas was different because of that and my grand children's visits with only five allowed to visit but we managed. The Adelaide grandchildren went home two weeks early to self isolate and return to school in two days time. Today was the hottest for a while 40 degrees and high humidity. That is when I find the waist to toe pressure stockings almost unbearable. But by staying out of the sun I manage to keep the swelling caused by the lymphodema to a minimum. Really I am so blessed. Not much news for the moment life is happily uneventful. Keep safe everyone, you are all in my prayers for a happy outcome from the present state of the world.

 

[sunray]

Getting ready for the annual visit to the oncologist, blood tests today, CT Brain and full body PET scan next week . This stirs up all the "what if" thoughts but I guess everyone feels that as the annual checkup comes close. Luckily on my side of Australia no bush fires but I feel sorry for friends in Western Australia who are going through the kind of fires we had last year. Hopefully heavy rain predicted for next week will dampen the fires down. Summer is cooler than last year and has been wetter but today is beautiful so I need to appreciate what I have.

 

[Izzy]

I hope all goes well for you with the tests and @sunray.

 

[sunray]

Thank you Izzy.

 

[sunray]

I had a bit of a scare as an "anomaly" appeared in the PET scan! I did panic a bit as melanoma on the liver would have been a disaster. I had a second CT scan and when I saw the oncologist on Wednesday he said that was all clear! He also said most of my problems were minor but he would like to see me again in six months time just in case. The conditions I have are mostly due to previous illnesses and of course age related.

I also saw the physiotherapist who specialises in Lymphodema and she said my condition is stable and I can fly now as long as I exercise for four minutes every half hour during the flight. I guess England is out for now but New Zealand and even perhaps Hawaii (eight hours away) would be doable. But first we all have to get over Covid, until then still no flying except within Australia. It will be great to be able to have travel plans again.

 

[Shedrech]

really good to your positive news @sunray ... a relief for you ... here's to holidays for all of us, fingers crossed

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I'm so glad for you that you got the all clear from the oncologist @sunray. Yes, a holiday would be lovely. I have two aunties in Quebec who are 88 and 90 who I would dearly like to see. I haven't seen them for a year and a half now. My older aunt is getting rather frail, so it is a concern.

 

[sunray]

When we go off daylight saving winter is just around the corner with short cold days and long cold nights. I found a box of books from Mums white bookcase and am rereading them as a winter leisure activity. I am back at crocheting cat mats as I don't know what else to do when the garden is starting to wind down for winter and my friends are doing their own thing. Winter tends to be boring but fortunately Covid shutdowns got me used to filling in time so I will manage.

I'm thinking of you my Northern hemisphere friends and urging you to make the most of your summer. As a friend of mine said today: "When we can't go overseas there are still the beautiful places around here that tourists pay a fortune to see." I agreed that exploring our own area is good too, whether it is close by in our own neighborhood or a few hours drive away. We have a lot of beautiful beaches locally with a cafe or two to visit. I used to enjoy a drive in a new area but it is not the same alone. I am thinking of revisiting some of the pleasant places Ray and I visited before, that could prove good as a way of passing a few hours on a reasonable day.

 

[Grannie G]

We are asked to make so many adjustments to our lifestyles @sunray.

Losing a lifetime partner is the biggest and now we are being tested again since COVID brought another form of isolation.

It takes a strong will to get through this with any semblance of equanimity and there are bound to be big ups and downs.

All we can do is to keep trying.

Reading has really helped me this year. I was unable to read when my husband was ill and at home with me but now I have all the time in the world.

I hope you enjoy your mother`s books.

 

[sunray]

Sylvia I am finding authors I once loved from the '50s a little out of step with modern thinking but still a good read. A pity we don't seem to have the great storytellers back in print today with a modern update as we are seeing in the movie remakes. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

 

[sunray]

Just had a weekend visit to my daughter and enjoyed the catch up. Like most people I am a bit nervous of travelling again but it is just over an hour on the train away so not too far. I think breaking the isolation is essential for me as a widow but it is taking those first few steps that is hard. I keep looking at little holiday breaks for Spring in October/November but having just had another ten day "hot spot" back here in what is now called"Greater Sydney", back to masks etc I am nervous about booking accommodation etc. I hope by the end of our winter we will be in a better place but who knows?

 

[nellbelles]

@sunray I’m also dubious about mixing glad you managed the visit to your daughter.

 

[Grannie G]

It`s weighing out the pros and cons @sunray I personally would rather be safe than sorry but I do have a weekend away with my Tai Chi group in July.

It`s still in Kent and even though I missed it last year those who went were fine and impressed with the precautions which were taken.

Could you take an overnight trip to begin with just to see how you feel

 

[sunray]

Things don't seem to change much, we don't have many new cases but Victoria had a small outbreak and went into lockdown and now there are a couple of cases in New South Wales. I am still doing things locally but not planning holidays. It does make life seem very bland and uninteresting

 

[sunray]

Day 17 of our latest lockdown. Oh dear how I wish Ray were still with me starving as I am for companionship. But he would have hated the "stay-at-home" orders and no doubt spent most of his time in bed. Can't do that myself but it is a tempting idea in our colder than usual winter. Steely sunlight today and a biting wind so a sheltered spot in the sun is okay but gardening is out. I have a series of tidy up jobs to do so I can keep myself occupied for a while but everyone is hoping this will be over soon.

 

[sunray]

It's the end of September, next weekend we changed to Daylight savings time. We are still in Stay-at-home lockdown. That may change in a week or two. No grandchildren allowed to visit for this school holidays. I haven't seen the three who live in South Australia since January. I last saw my daughter in June. luckily I am reasonably healthy, so no need for my children to worry about me. Both my MRI and PET scans were good, no new changes. The new oncologist was pleased with the results. My next door neighbour took me down to Sydney and visited his mother while I was seeing the specialist and the Lymphodema physiotherapist. It was kind of him to do it.

I am coping, still doing hand crafts and gardening, the spring flowers are doing well and a reward for my hard work. We have had two fairly windy months and I lost some nice ceramic pots to the pavers so just used plastic replacements. Families are allowed to picnic from this weekend so that will be good for the second week of the school holidays. I wish pensioners could have coffee with their friends too. I do miss my social life, Lions, church etc but a lot of other people do too I know. Life is just doable and I am used to my own company being a widow so solitude is no novelty.

 

[Izzy]

Lovely to hear from you @sunray.

It’s good to read the positive news about your health. Your lockdown must be very hard for lots of people. I can understand about being a widow and used to your own company. I hope you’re able to meet up with family in the not too distant future.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @sunray

It`s lovely to get updates from you every now and again. It sounds as if you are coping well with what life puts in your way. We have to, don`t we.

 

[esmeralda]

Hello Sunray, thank you for keeping this thread going, I've found it helpful. I posted back in January then didn't check back so missed your kind reply at the time, and Cat's thank you both.
I was glad to hear that you had good news at your check up. What a challenge life can be.
My husband recovered from covid in January and then was very ill with severe anaemia, pneumonia and congestive heart failure in March. He was hospitalised for 10days and came home dreadfully thin and frail but did pick up and put weight on but in July he once again got a chest infection and had nothing left to fight with. I feel as though i'm grieving for two people, him as he was 'before' which is fairly straightforward, and now, after a time of relief that he wasn't suffering any more, grieving for the one 'after' which is so much more difficult, complicated as it is with not knowing how he felt or thought about anything and wondering if I could have done better. It's a process I know, and not one that can be avoided.
Life is getting a little more normal after lockdown although a return of that isn't inevitable. I really hope things get a bit easier in that respect for you soon.