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Going on alone

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,451
East Coast of Australia
First official day of Spring today., I feel as if I am half way through a marathon. All we can do is keep busy, concentrating on keeping our mental health as well as our physical health in check and see what life brings our way. Stay safe.
 

JGDMG

Registered User
May 5, 2020
47
It is three months since Ray died. It is lonely here in "our" home. At least while he was in the Nursing Home I got to see him ever day. Now I don't. Now there is just me fromthe time I get up in the morning till when I go to bed at night. If I want to have company I actually have to go out and look for it.

I do try to fill my days. I do some of the things I did before like selling tickets in the Lions Club Christmas Stocking, I did my last shift on that on Thursday afternoon. I have minded my grandchildren a couple of times, joined other widows for coffee, concentrated on tidying up and throwing out rubbish,downsizing the house. Why does it all feel as if I am just sitting and waiting for something to happen?

Now I am supposed to "look forward, not backwards" as a friend told me. I can clean the house, buy in food and presents and celebrate Christmas with the family and then....what? What to do when the family go home and back to their own lives.

It is school holidays till the end of January so no meetings, a lot of people away on holidays so not much activity around the place. I've always made January reading month so will organize books and put a comfy chair on the verandah and do some reading. It is really just filling in time.

At night I am still hainvg sleepless nights and the occassional nightmare. I still wake up straining to hear his voice calling me, to hear him breathing beside me. I turn the light on and I am alone. Not a good feeling. I was a carer for 13 years so I guess it will take a lot time to get over that.

I miss Mum too. I miss the visits to the Nursing Home and the conversations there. It is strangely quiet now it is all over.

Sue.
Hi Sue
It sounds to me as if you are coping really well with this sadness and bereavement. As you say it will be difficult because not only was Ray your husband, but you were his carer, which adds a different dimension to the deep loss you are experiencing. You will be just going through the motions at the moment, and you are obviously trying very hard to be ok and contribute and help others. The group of other women who are bereaved might give you support and understanding from others who know something about what you are going through. It sounds like you have put some good strategies in place to help yourself on this painful journey. Maybe you are expecting too much of yourself, too soon? It's a very short time for such a big loss. Give yourself all the time you need.
 

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,451
East Coast of Australia
Spring is here with its variable weather. I have my son and granddaughter here for the first week of the school Spring break and we did manage time by the beach yesterday. It is nice to have company as I am so much alone now. The Covid is still with us so the restrictions still apply What a strange year it has been.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,965
Kent
Good to hear from you @sunray. Glad you have company.

I saw a lot of my adult grandchildren over the summer holidays, social distancing I know but even so they were good company.
 

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,451
East Coast of Australia
Sylvia, so glad your grand children are keeping in touch, so many don't bother these days. I saw my daughter and grand daughter too so two out of six grand children this holiday break. The ones in South Australia didn't come up this term break but should be coming up for the summer holidays. This isolation and border closure policy is really hard on families with children and grandchildren in different States and no access to them.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,965
Kent
Thanks Sue @sunray

My grandchildren live a five minute walk from me when they are at home so it`s so easy for them to stay in touch. Now they have all gone their seperate ways , two to universities and one to start a new life with her boyfriend.

Even so, I suspect they still live nearer to me than yours do to you.