Going on alone

[sunray]

Another month gone, another birthday approaching, not much has changed. I did go out to my son at Broken Hill for ten days, we had lovely sunny days while I was there. I had three days of playing with my three year old grand daughter Alice and I slept really well those nights. It was good to get away from home for a while. The Family Court agreed with the access finally worked out between the legal representatives, not really much of an advantage to my son but you have to make the compromise I guess.

I seem to just go on day by day. I am lonely but more settled into being a widow now. There is always plenty to do between the housework and the church work and now winter is almost here I am getting out clothes and sorting and getting the blankets etc out again. Ugggh! I hate winter and we do have a mild one but today is typical, cold, wet, dull, give me sunny days any day and I am happier. At night there is knitting and crocheting, the computer, reading etc. If I want to hear a human voice I ring someone.

I do have a male friend I am having coffee with regularly now, I don't think you could call him a boyfriend or even a companion but he is a nice man and I am enjoying the time we spend together. He does have a long term illness and I did my caring years so don't think there will be a romance. I still go out to lunch with girlfriends and meet others for coffee so not as isolated as I was the first couple of years of my widowhood. And so life goes on.

 

[cragmaid]

cold, wet, dull, give me sunny days any day

...just like here really, 'cept it's late spring here now!!! I am soooooo sick of being cold. Even on our bright sunny days, the wind has been off the North Sea and has had a cutting edge to it.......and it's June next week, for heaven's sake..... this year is flying past.

I'm pleased you got to spend some time with your darling granddaughter, if she's anything like mine, no wonder you slept I'm always exhausted by her energy.
I hope you enjoy yourself having coffee or outings with your "Gentleman Friend". Why not? You are free and single, and you can enjoy yourself without feeling guilty, it doesn't have to be a romance. It can be an interlude.....nice word that....interlude, and you have a busier social life than me. I sit here, typing on my laptop while OH sits typing on his, every now and one of us saying " shall we do something?" to which the other will say " I dunno. What do you want to do?".
Wish it would warm up.

Guess I've got the Missing Summer Blues.

 

[sunray]

My birthday was on Saturday (4th June) My daughter and her family came the previous night in time for dinner which was a nice bonus. I did have a good day on Saturday with Shirley and her family, we went out to lunch and then to see "Alice Through the Looking Glass". If you haven't seen it you have missed something special. And I had some phone calls from friends and some cards in the mail and even a gentleman who sang to me on the phone - most unexpected! And about 40 messages on my Facebook page plus greetings on the other sites I belong to. I must say it was the best birthday I have had for a long time so another sign that I am on an even keel again.

Sue.

 

[Grannie G]

Belated birthday greetings Sue. It`s good to hear what a lovely day you had. xx

 

[Saffie]

A belated Happy Birthday Sue. I'm glad you have a lovely birthday Sue. I'm afraid mine come and go with little excitement these days but that is my own fault. My daughter's try to make it a bit special but I really am too tired to make the extra effort to do much.

It is good that you are feeling a bit more settled now. I think you have done really well. x

 

[LadyA]

And a late Happy Birthday from me too! So glad you had a good day.

 

[sunray]

I officially have a man friend now,he did actually ask me out officially in early May, said he would like to see me once or twice a week. This is a man I have known for over two years (I met him at a Market and sat with him for a coffee four months after his wife died) and I guess he has just grown on me. He is nice in an old fashioned kind of way, he is comfortable to be with which is what I want in a companion.

At least by getting to know him slowly I have been able to work out what I can manage about his lifestyle and what is likely to be a problem for me. For me his drinking at night is a problem as my husband Ray was teetotal although his brother is an alcoholic and I come from a family that was teetotal. I will see how I feel about that when summer comes and we are likely to be out later in the day.

I guess I have been looking for someone with similar values and ways that would easily fit into my present way of life but of course that was never going to happen at my age. Someone I would get on with because they have a similar background for instance. For me that was important. Which is why I thought I would simply stay alone. I will see how this present relationship develops. There is plenty of time, I am in no hurry to change my life, at 69 there is no need really to do so. But having a companion is nice just the same.

 

[nellbelles]

So pleased to read this, lovely to have company that you feel safe and comfortable with, I look forward to reading about your adventures out and about. x

 

[Jinx]

Glad things are working out for you, it must be nice to have someone to share things with. It could never be the same as the relationship you had with your husband and you would never want it to be, but if you feel safe and, hopefully, cherished there's a lot to be said for that. Good luck. xxx


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[sunray]

I went out with my new man today. We normally go out on Wednesdays and meet at the markets a couple of times a month for coffee. Today was a typical winter Saturday, it was cold, dull and drizzling but we had a lovely day in a permanent undercover market that is is housed in a series of arcades about 40 minutes drive from where I live. Neither of us had been there for a long while and it was nice. We had some lunch and then were warm and cosy just browsing around for the afternoon.

It is good to have someone to go places with, neither of us have expensive tastes so a drive, some time strolling through one of the nearby seaside villages, some lunch and somewhere to go where there is something to see amuses us both. We are both into art and music so an Art Show, a public performance, an unusual collection of wares is enough to hold our interest. I am just enjoying being part of a twosome again. I don't say "couple" as i think being part of a couple takes a lot of time, more time than we have had together so far.

 

[Grannie G]

I missed your post of 7/7 Sue but am so pleased for you.

You have posted so often of loneliness, it`s lovely to read you have a companion you have had time to get to know slowly.

 

[sunray]

I seem to be just plodding along, keeping well, keeping busy, I do like to be busy. Of course that means sometimes things become overwhelming but that has always been my trouble. If no-one else does a job at church I take it as mine. Sometimes that works out well, sometimes it doesn't.

Still going out with my man, mostly twice a week, out to lunch, a walk or a poke around one of our little coastal towns. Now we are well into Spring that is good. This is a lovely part of the coast and every little town has something unique about it, a charm of it's own. In so many ways it is as if I have fallen into a relationship that has been around for a long time. I don't contemplating taking it further than companionship but it is nice to have someone I see on a regular basis that is undemanding and steady.

On the family front I seem to keep in touch with the families a little less regularly but that is okay for now. I expect they think as long as someone is looking in on me that is what counts. Just keep the friendship steady and all will be well is my thought. Maybe as I age I have come to that more placid way of looking at life.

 

[sunray]

My six month relationship is over. It was nice having someone to go out with on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I enjoyed the company, the meals out (we each paid our own way), the long conversations and the feeling that someone cared about me but regretfully my man friend found it "too complicated" and we agreed to stop.

I still see him around the place as we shop in the same place and he still came to our church market today but that is all, we smile and stop and say a few words, then move on again. He is no longer my man friend, just someone I know. I am sad about it, not heartbroken but still sad. As the song says: "When a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes."

Life goes on with all the usual busyness. In Australia end of year, summer and Christmas all get tangled together and I am out a lot. Our assistant minister has just gone to England to see her dying brother and I have some of her jobs passed down to me so a busy December coming up. But sometimes even busyness does not fill my life and I still miss my husband Ray. Having a new man friend distracted me but the feeling of loss is for Ray. I guess that will always be the case, you can mask the pain of loss but it never really goes away.

 

[Jinx]

Sunray, so sorry things didn't work out with your man friend, I can imagine it was comforting to have someone to share things with again. However busy one's life is there's always that big gap and although people do establish new relationships I can't imagine it's ever quite the same. Sending a big virtual hug ((((((xxx))))))


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[Izzy]

I'm sorry to hear about your companion.

I know what you mean about busy-ness not filling your life. I hope this time of year isn't too stressful for you.

 

[Nutty Nan]

Spot on

You can mask the pain of loss but it never really goes away.[/QUOTE]

Sorry to hear it was not made to last. Another chapter in your life, another page turned. I hope the next page holds fresh happiness and companionship.
C.

 

[Izzy]

Hi. NN. Long time no 'see'. It's nice to see you on here again. xx


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[Nutty Nan]

Old habits ..

Never far away, Izzy. It must be about 16 years since our first contact!
Hope you are well!

 

[sunray]

I belong to a little group, four daughters whose Mums were in the same dementia lodge. I was the first to become an "orphan" in November 2012 and today three of us went to the funeral of the last "Mum" to go. We have drawn on each other for a lot of strength in the last fourteen years (my Mum was the first arrival in September 2002) and swear we will go on doing so. it is amazing how life draws people together for support and I am grateful to the three other women for the support and encouragement we have been able to give to each other.

 

[Izzy]

Never far away, Izzy. It must be about 16 years since our first contact!
Hope you are well!

I just notced this! Yes I'm well thank you, hope you are too. How time disappears!