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Going into care

patsy56

Registered User
Jan 14, 2015
839
Fife Scotland
Since my last posting I have returned to work. This is the last week of my phased return. I am feeling much better than I did though I have to admit that I think it will take me a long time to get to where I want to be. My time away from work and, indeed, my phased return has made me see life in a new way. I know there is a new life out there for me. The question is just where and what.

I am totally at ease with mum being in full time care. I honestly know it is for the best. Being a carer is tough but it is also tough when it stops. You have to adapt to a new life. I would be interested to hear from those who have been through this.
I just wanted to say this huggs, last year I had 4wks off, what with mums diagnosis and OH's down hill journey. I have gone from full time to part time and feel better in myself, I now at least get "Me time" (selfish woman that I am) but it is keeping me sane. Hang in there.
 

astra

Registered User
Jul 2, 2014
55
It is now just over nine weeks since my O H went into care and I visited almost every day and I wonder if this is the right thing to do. When I visit I am always greeted with a lovely smile . However conversation is very difficult and sometimes expressions of anger are noticed but this soon goes.No mention of home ever comes into the conversations and I wonder if that is now a thing of the past.It is very difficult as we all know that having lived with a person for a very long time to be on your own is a different world completely however I am fortunate to have a close relationship with a member of our family and this with other closes friends makes life slightly easier.as I have said previously there isn't a minute goes by that I don't think of the OH. And of course the worst time is during the night
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,941
North East England
Hi Astra, I speak as someone who cared for Mum at home and then as a visitor to a care home, so my situation was slightly different to yours as a spouse. I started out visiting every day...I was lucky I could walk to the home inside ten minutes.....but, and it is a strange but, I had to learn to let go and trust that someone else could manage for her. This was deespite the fact that I could not do it any longer( I was worn out) and I was starting to hate my mother.:eek:
Anyway once she was settled, ( even if she hated being there) I cut back the visits until such time as she was in End of Life care when I was back to 3 visits a day.
Sometimes I'd visit on set days and other times I'd pop in when the mood took me, but I never felt guilty if I didn't go in, and in her last few months she used to believe I'd just been in and had come back for something.

There are no right or wrong visits, just what works for you, but don't exclude the outside world entirely...the time might come when you need to rejoin it.....and don't feel guilty if you need some " me" time.....it's very important for your sanity.;):D
 

astra

Registered User
Jul 2, 2014
55
Hi Astra, I speak as someone who cared for Mum at home and then as a visitor to a care home, so my situation was slightly different to yours as a spouse. I started out visiting every day...I was lucky I could walk to the home inside ten minutes.....but, and it is a strange but, I had to learn to let go and trust that someone else could manage for her. This was deespite the fact that I could not do it any longer( I was worn out) and I was starting to hate my mother.:eek:
Anyway once she was settled, ( even if she hated being there) I cut back the visits until such time as she was in End of Life care when I was back to 3 visits a day.
Sometimes I'd visit on set days and other times I'd pop in when the mood took me, but I never felt guilty if I didn't go in, and in her last few months she used to believe I'd just been in and had come back for something.

There are no right or wrong visits, just what works for you, but don't exclude the outside world entirely...the time might come when you need to rejoin it.....and don't feel guilty if you need some " me" time.....it's very important for your sanity.;):D
Thank you for your reply I feel a bit happier now that I I know that other people have the same guilt feelings that I have. I still visit on a daily basis I sometimesI say I will miss one day but when the times comes I don't. I think I must get into the habit of missing a day now and then the guilt feelingMAY go away. Again thanks for your reply