A residential place has become available at the home where my husband has been having day care 3 days a week. He seems to be quite happy there, and has spent two 2-week stays there for respite, although during the last stay he insisted the home rang me when he had been there for 3 days because he was 'very angry' about being there. I asked what I should say, and they said they would not put me on, and he would soon forget. When I picked him up there was no mention of his anger, although he was very pleased to see me.
It is a case of take it or lose it, and the vacancy is from Thursday. The CPN is coming round on Wednesday afternoon, and says he has to be told he is going there, although it can be presented as further respite. I am about to start a business, and am indeed under considerable stress, which can provide a plausible cover story, not that logic is something he can now follow.
I have been longing to have my own life back for years, and am in many ways relieved, but at the same time am in absolute turmoil about how horrible I am being to him. He absolutely loves our home, and never wants to be anywhere else. In lucid moments he has said 'you can't throw me out', so there is some suspicion on his part, although under normal circumstances he cannot remember anything short term. He does not know who the neighbours are, thinks things in our house get moved by 'the cleaners who come in' (we don't have a cleaner), and there is absolutely constant friction between us. I read other posts, and am ashamed that I am not as determined to stay looking after a sufferer as so many others are.
Does anyone have any tips on how to handle Thursday? He would normally go to the home (which is, incidentally, very nice, with absolutely lovely staff) on Thursday for day care. I am inclined to take him in anyway, and then come home to get his case, and some things for his room - would others agree? I think if a suitcase appears there will be awful scenes. For previous respite his Alz Support befriender has come along to help, and in fact taken him.
Do I have him home for Christmas, or would that be more traumatic? How do I handle visits - will he always expect me to be picking him up to go home?
I only learned about the vacancy last Thursday, and have been through hell ever since. I know there can never be a perfect time for such a thing to happen, and that he will be better looked after there than I can do at home, yet feel I am betraying someone I have been with for 24 years, which is a horrible sensation.
Any advice gratefully received.
Rosalind
It is a case of take it or lose it, and the vacancy is from Thursday. The CPN is coming round on Wednesday afternoon, and says he has to be told he is going there, although it can be presented as further respite. I am about to start a business, and am indeed under considerable stress, which can provide a plausible cover story, not that logic is something he can now follow.
I have been longing to have my own life back for years, and am in many ways relieved, but at the same time am in absolute turmoil about how horrible I am being to him. He absolutely loves our home, and never wants to be anywhere else. In lucid moments he has said 'you can't throw me out', so there is some suspicion on his part, although under normal circumstances he cannot remember anything short term. He does not know who the neighbours are, thinks things in our house get moved by 'the cleaners who come in' (we don't have a cleaner), and there is absolutely constant friction between us. I read other posts, and am ashamed that I am not as determined to stay looking after a sufferer as so many others are.
Does anyone have any tips on how to handle Thursday? He would normally go to the home (which is, incidentally, very nice, with absolutely lovely staff) on Thursday for day care. I am inclined to take him in anyway, and then come home to get his case, and some things for his room - would others agree? I think if a suitcase appears there will be awful scenes. For previous respite his Alz Support befriender has come along to help, and in fact taken him.
Do I have him home for Christmas, or would that be more traumatic? How do I handle visits - will he always expect me to be picking him up to go home?
I only learned about the vacancy last Thursday, and have been through hell ever since. I know there can never be a perfect time for such a thing to happen, and that he will be better looked after there than I can do at home, yet feel I am betraying someone I have been with for 24 years, which is a horrible sensation.
Any advice gratefully received.
Rosalind