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going in for `respite` care


Registered User
Jul 21, 2013
Hi all, first time on talking point, but have been reading it for the last 3 years. My mother-in-law who is 92 is now been in a care home for the last 20 months. She has Alzheimers and vascular dementia and was diagnosed 3.25 years ago. When she initially went in we had a 3 to 4 week period where she wanted to go home but after that period she accepted that she was in the best place for her own safety and care. Now she is perfectly happy, always pleased to see us. When asked, she says she has always been busy. Besides the looking after her bungalow, which is rented out to pay for her care, it greatly reduced the stress on my wife and me.
Just after Christmas last year I took my Dad for a memory test and was also diagnosed with Alzheimers and vascular dementia. Oh well, here we go again, but at least I now have had some experience how to deal with it and the system. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters and they have had to come to terms with it. Dad seems to have declined a lot quicker that my mother-in-law and the family have just come to the decision that Dad should now go into care. He has not been out for months unless some one takes him, not looking after himself, cooking, sundowning, not recognising day from night, ringing at all hours to find out the time/asking whether it was time to go to bed at 2 in the morning etc.
Fortunately we have managed to get him in the same care home as the mother-in-law.
The reason I have put this post on is just to say that I know it is a difficult decision to make with regards to permanent care but when you think it is time for your nearest and dearest to go into care then you must do it. My wifes and my health suffered before the mother-in-law went in and I am presently going through sleepless nights worrying about my Dad. I know Dad will be asking to go home and that a few `love lies` are going to be told but I do know that Dad will be cared for and be safe, just like the mother-in-law.


Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
Good morning ziggy:) and a warm welcome to Talking Point, thank you for for introducing yourself and sharing your experiences, hope we can be of help to you when needed, much understanding,support and even a few smiles here from us people that care and people who do care. It's always a shock even the second time around when we are faced with dementia, and yes we are learning all the time:rolleyes: we think we are prepared most of the time, but something different will always appear! the most important thing we can can do with our loved ones is to keep them safe, and the caring does not stop when they move to a "new" home or the worrying either.
Take care


Registered User
Jul 21, 2013
Thank you for your kind words.
Yes, once is bad enough but as mentioned I was able to cope much better second tim around but you still worry.
It has affected my youngest sister and brother most of all as they get very emotional. My brother lives 70 miles away so can not be of practical help and was also getting concerned about me as I am not a `spring chicken` any more. Recently retired. One of the things I did when Dad was diagnosed was set up a private facebook group page. Only people who are invited can see it and can not be found by searching. On there I kept all my brothers and sisters and Dads 9 grandchildren up to date with his progress and it was also a place that we all could share our feelings/observations etc. It was also used as a type of diary to let each know when they were visiting Dad, his hospital/ doctor appointments and what was generally happening with Dad. Too many visitors at once would throw Dad into panic mode.
This did save me a lot of time/expense of making endless phone calls.
Again thank you for your kind comments.


Registered User
Oct 10, 2015
North Cornwall
Hi ziggy

Thanks very much for posting this about your experiences. It's very helpful to have an objective account of how you have made things work for everyone.

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