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Going home

Cinzia

New member
Oct 19, 2020
5
Most evenings after dinner my husband asks when we are going home, I just say we are home but he isn’t always convinced and often asks if I know the way. Any suggestions on the best thing to say?
 

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
100
Bristol
Hello @Cinzia welcome to the forum. Your husband, like many people with dementia go through this phase and there are some different tactics most of us have used with our loved one’s. Sometimes they work, for example my mum used to say this and we tried delaying tactics like, ‘yes let’s have a cup of tea/drink and then we will set off.....’ or ‘yes, we will go tomorrow.....’ or if weather and conditions permit, you can also take him for a walk around the block and arrive ‘home’. Some people also take a drive but that depends on your personal situation,
All these are tactics which work for some people but not all. I struggled in the early days ‘deceiving’ my mum but others describe them as love lies which just give you some breathing space. I think most tactics depend on how far along someone is with their diagnosis or how they were pre dementia.
good luck and hope one of these helps, I’m sure others will offer additional ideas too.
 

Cinzia

New member
Oct 19, 2020
5
Hello @Cinzia welcome to the forum. Your husband, like many people with dementia go through this phase and there are some different tactics most of us have used with our loved one’s. Sometimes they work, for example my mum used to say this and we tried delaying tactics like, ‘yes let’s have a cup of tea/drink and then we will set off.....’ or ‘yes, we will go tomorrow.....’ or if weather and conditions permit, you can also take him for a walk around the block and arrive ‘home’. Some people also take a drive but that depends on your personal situation,
All these are tactics which work for some people but not all. I struggled in the early days ‘deceiving’ my mum but others describe them as love lies which just give you some breathing space. I think most tactics depend on how far along someone is with their diagnosis or how they were pre dementia.
good luck and hope one of these helps, I’m sure others will offer additional ideas too.
Thanks for the advice Chaplin, will give it a go.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,223
Bristol
A belated welcome from me too, @Cinzia.
I think it's related to a feeling of being lost and confused, so when my partner gets like that I try to reassure her that we're here for a short while but will go back to her childhood home when we can sort out the paperwork. She was brought up in Germany, so there are excuses in there.
I don't know if the compassionate communication thread will help in this instance, but it has some good tips which my give you inspiration and guidance. https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
 

Angtrog

Registered User
Mar 25, 2020
82
Hi @Cinzia welcome to Talking Point .My OH started wanted to go home a few months ago, when he first asked I will be honest I didnt know what to do . I tried love lies by saying I had no petrol for the car which he didnt believe hiding the house keys in my pocket incase I neednt to get out quick. Now I take him for a ride in the car around the block which calms him down ,when we get back home he calmly goes straight into the house where I say Fancy a cup of tea before bed?, then he goes straight to bed. Its a strange one but it seems to work, dont know what Ill do when the weather turns thou!!!
 

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