Here I am at 4am in the morning typing on my computer because I couldn't sleep. I thought I'd get online rather than sit in bed tossing and turning and disturbing my husband's sleep. I also thought (the thinking is part of the problem I suspect, its what keeps me awake!) that as a last resort I might pose a question to other TP readers and see if my problem with sleeping and constantly being ill (not with colds and flus but with aches and pains and things that appear to be in my head) might be just part and parcel of being a carer?? Is this all simply due to stress? For the past 6 yrs (coincidentally the same time Dad has had this disease) I seem to have had one thing after another, it started with glandular fever which is real enough, then I had pre-cancerous cells removed from my cervix, following these two things I had a period of general malaise where I was extremely tired all the time, suffered from insomnia (like I am again at the moment), my libido once strong never recovered, and just generally never felt well. The doctors went down the path of Chronic Fatigue syndrome, then headed towards a diagnosis of depression, but yet I still managed to work full time and study full time, and graduated with a double Bachelor's degree from University recently whilst dealing at the same time with my father's disease. Some might have said it was the strain of everything I was subjecting myself to as well as the shift work I was doing, but here I am now working normal hours, no studying and for the past month I have had chronic face pain, don't know if it is my teeth, my jaw, my ears, or simply maybe its all in my head. I am sick of living on paracetemol, if its not face pain its back ache or insomnia. In the past 6 yrs I also developed a large cluster of benign tumours (lipomas) in my lower back, I have unexplained bleeding in my girlie areas and currently I've gone slightly deaf in one ear and appear to have dead skin in it that's peeling (probably an allergic reaction to the ear drops I put in to get rid of the earache!). I AM SO SICK OF BEING SICK!!!! I know the doctors no doubt think its all in my head, and I think its all in my head to some extent because surely no one can be THIS unlucky when it comes to their general health....I might be insane, but I am not stupid! I realise also that it very well could be brought on by some kind of reaction to the stress from Dad, but how the hell do I stop making myself sick if this is the case? Its no good telling me to just rest and take it easy, because if anything that seems to make things worse, brings on the insomnia, causes my back to ache incessantly. Sometimes I just wish I would get some serious illness just so I had something real to worry about, instead of these constantly niggling trifles of illnesses, illnesses that doctors can do nothing about except roll their eyes at me, and note down something about hypochondria resulting from depression. IF it is all in my head then goddammit why can't somebody tell me how to get rid of it, and no, anti-depressants don't work and actually make me feel more stressed about everything. Do I obsess about every ache and pain because it takes my mind off Dad? Maybe. Do I worry that like him I will get diagnosed with some death sentence? At times yes. I don't know a whole heap of lumps in my lower back, clustered around my spine, kinda made me nervous. The unexplained bleeding did too, and the befuddled brain that came with the fatigue was a little concerning. If this is all in my head then its amazing how powerful my brain is, considering the amount of physical symptoms that it is able to produce! A lot of times I suspect it is all hormonally related, perhaps brought on by the glandular fever or worse yet, symptomatic of my father's own problems, hormones and the brain are very interrelated. I try to take a chill pill at times, and head out on a path of ignoring my aches pains and other weird symptoms, but this all to no avail as well, the symptoms just continue to get progressively worse and louder and louder if I do so until I am almost not able to function. At the same time they never get so bad that they cause doctors to need to do anything, i.e. the bleeding stopped, I managed to get over the worst of the fatigue, the lumps stopped growing, the face is constantly aching at the moment, but not enough to stop me from doing things except relaxing, the insomnia comes until I'm at a point that I think I will go crazy and then just when I think I can't cope anymore, it mysteriously goes away??? Maybe thats what it is. As long as I am constantly faced with these personal problems, I don't have time to get truly upset by Dad. Some days I want to just cry and cry and cry about Dad but funnily enough when my face aches like there is no tomorrow and I have a husband, step-daughter and job that I have to remain functioning for, I just CAN'T take the time to just cry about Dad. Maybe if I were well this would be worse? Does that make sense to anyone at all? Or is the pain and lack of sleep sending me loopy? Another weird thing that could suggest it might be allergy related in some way, is that all these things seem to get worse around this time of the year, or is it the general reaction I have after going through the xmas holiday and then having to face the reality of needing to stay functional for another year, through this all? By the way, don't worry I try to take the least offensive pain killers out there and as little as possible as I am fully aware of the dangers of addicitions. Also, I hardly ever 'catch' anything, to colds and flus, bugs going around, I appear to be somewhat immune!??! Last but not least, I'm only 31! Would appreciate it if anyone has had similar experiences to post something so I don't feel like a complete nut. I appreciate people's concern about my health but don't bother too much about suggesting therapies because I've tried pretty much every insomnia cure, libido enhancer, I've been to homeopaths, taken vitamins (magnesium did appear to help quite a bit with regards to the insomnia by the way), I;ve had testosterone shots and an implant (which also appeared to get rid of the chronic fatigue and befuddled brain). I've been to a psychologist as well. All I really want is some quiet and relaxation with no worries for a while, thats all I want! Figured worse case scenario, just spitting it all out on here instead of it all whirling around in my head, might help a little.