God Forgive Me - I nearly lost it this morning with my Mum

[SWMBO1950]

I can cope with most thing but my mother has bowel problems which is fine as I know she cannot help it and I sort it accordingly. I have her using disposable underwear as I feel it is more hygienic all round.

On the occasions she has an 'accident' she will from time to time try and wash them and leaves this dripping filty mess in the bathroom.

Well she did it this morning and I dont feel well (stress probably) and I could have become violent - stopped myself but it really upsets me that something like looking after someone with AD can bring you almost to the unforgivable. I could cry and I feel awful now!

 

[creativesarah]

Bless you how awful for you I'm not surprised you felt the way you did we are only human after all
much grace Sarah

 

[SWMBO1950]

Thank you Sarah ..................

...but I could truely cry at my lack of patience - never been known for it and this is really testing me.

It is not as if my sister will be popping over from Australia anytime soon to give me (and my husband) a rest -been there over 40 years and been back once - 14 years ago. Still a phone call to my mum roughly every 2 weeks is what it is all about isn't it?!!

Yes I am really not having a good day today. No wonder my doctor told me this morning my blood pressure is high!!

Tomorrow is 'fortunately' another day

Bless you how awful for you I'm not surprised you felt the way you did we are only human after all
much grace Sarah

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I'm not surprised you lost it. It happens to all of us at some point or another. The constant wearing down gets to us.

You're human, like us all. Have a cry if it will make you feel better.

Have you ever considered respite? A break from caring may be what you need to relax and rest properly. You can't keep going forever.

 

[Grannie G]

and I could have become violent - stopped myself but it really upsets me that something like looking after someone with AD can bring you almost to the unforgivable. I could cry and I feel awful now!

..but I could truely cry at my lack of patience - never been known for it and this is really testing me.

And this should tell you you are nearing carer breakdown. Please think seriously about Joanne`s advice and try to book some respite.

 

[jan.s]

Don't be hard on yourself. You held yourself together for Mum, even though you felt like losing it.

I can relate to the mess you found, and the frustration that goes with it. Mum was probably trying to help by doing her own washing, even though it was not helpful!

Stress builds, and you sound like you need a break.

As you say, tomorrow's another day.
Love Jan x

 

[SWMBO1950]

Thank You All

I am having Monday off to go on a trip to France with a friend and it always does me good. Perhaps I should take a regular break once every couple of weeks or per month.

All this comes on top of dealing with faecal impaction - really unpleasant clearing that up followed by her having a chest infection.

I have the memory service coming next week so am hopeful they can come up with some useful hints to ease the pressure.

Is it any wonder my doctor says my blood pressure in high!!

I know there are people who use this site who are in a MUCH worse position than me but everything is relevant to the individual. However it is good to have somewhere to let off steam to people who understand what you are going through.

Thank you all again I so appreciate your kind words time and words

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I am having Monday off to go on a trip to France with a friend and it always does me good. Perhaps I should take a regular break once every couple of weeks or per month.

Bolding mine

No perhaps about it. If you can take a break, please do so.

 

[SWMBO1950]

Yes........................

I will definately start to do that - for my sanity if nothing else.

Thanks you everyone xx

Bolding mine

No perhaps about it. If you can take a break, please do so.

 

[Goingitalone]

I know there are people who use this site who are in a MUCH worse position than me but everything is relevant to the individual. However it is good to have somewhere to let off steam to people who understand what you are going through.

You are so right about everything being relevant to the individual. Many of us would have cracked much earlier than you. It isn't a competition to see who can hold out the longest and you aren't to be judged because you need a break.

Do have regular respite if you need it and can get it. It's not a show of weakness. It's a strength to admit you need support and you will be able to care longer and better if you have the rest you need.

You're a STAR. Don't ever feel anything less.

All the best,

Maggie

 

[CollegeGirl]

How I dread my mam getting to this sort of stage; to cope with something like that you are doing absolutely fantastically well, SWMBO1950, I do admire you. I hope you can get the regular breaks you deserve, and hope you enjoy your trip to France, have a great time!

Edit - have just realised you must have already been to France, hope you enjoyed it!

 

[guardian angel]

I know how you feel

I am new to the site. I feel bad because unlike you, I have handed over the daily care of my mother to a care home. I visit frequently, and help as much as I can. I find that I have never been short of patience before, but there are times when Mum tries to help herself, or becomes so confused that a simple act of washing her hands becomes a battle if I don't take things in easy stages.

I think you are a star and deserve as much time out as you can get, to help you in your caring.

Much love

x

 

[2jays]

I am new to the site. I feel bad because unlike you, I have handed over the daily care of my mother to a care home. I visit frequently, and help as much as I can. I find that I have never been short of patience before, but there are times when Mum tries to help herself, or becomes so confused that a simple act of washing her hands becomes a battle if I don't take things in easy stages.

I think you are a star and deserve as much time out as you can get, to help you in your caring.

Much love

x

Hi guardian angel welcome to TP

Do not feel bad about your mum being in a care home - its what was right for you, better to have a reasonable relationship (as much as you can) than end up resenting having to care full time for your mum.

x

 

[nbd]

Patience is not my virtue

Hi
I too am new here.
My dad has just been diagnosed with alzheimers at the age of 63, lives alone 100 miles away. His wife left him last year. My sister and i are dealing with his divorce, started Power of attorney, have to sell his house, just sold his car, taking over his money!!! We visit every couple of weeks, and do washing, cleaning, shopping etc, we have young famillies and always feel guilty for not doing more. The Mental Health Team in Tiverton are fabulous. We are currently trying to find suitable CH closer to us, but so far with no success, All the residents appear so much older than Dad!!! He has now taken too going out at midday and not returning till after midnight, I know dad is not well but it is soo frustrating. We are constantly cancelling DDebits to all sorts of charities because he doesn't have the funds. FORGIVE ME but it's like dealing with a child who wont listen.

 

[velveteen]

Hi nbd

its my first day on the site too and im finding it a help already. I am going through pretty much the same as you - with the exception of the divorce and my Mum is 76.
My Mum is moving into a retirement flat with 'taylored care living' hopefully this will give her a few years more independence with a lot of help from me (my sister lives in Sweden). I would love to move and get a house with an annexe but the thought of selling mums house, my house and buying another all at the same time just filled me with dread. The stress is bad enough as it is.
Keep your chin up and dont feel guilty you are doing what you can, and you have young families too. I have four kids but they are a bit older - teenagers!!!! All four!!!
I hope that you manage to get your Dad down to you as soon as possible as Im sure that will make your life so much easier.