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Giving up work to care for Mom


Registered User
Apr 13, 2015
I am a new member on here. My Mom has alzheimers and I am considering taking a career break to look after her in the daytime for as long as I am able to do so. My Dad passed away last November and he along with my brother and I were her reason for living which she readily admits. She is so lost and lonely at the moment and with all that alzheimers brings is not in a great place. I have my own regrets at not spending enough time with my father in recent years due to a very busy job and my own family life. Caring for my Mom for as long as I was able to do so would hopefully improve her emotional life, allow her to see more of me and her grandchildren and enable her to get out and about more as I would be able to transport her to various activities.
We have discussed this and she is willing to provide some income for me.
My real question therefore is 'does anyone have any experience of this and if we were to try and set up some kind of salary for me, where would I go for advice and would I have to register as a career and how would taxation work etc as I would like to do it all legally etc' I would also be interested to hear from anyone who has done this as to what it may be like on an emotional level for both me and Mom.
Thanks in advance for any replies.


Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
Hi Tricky, welcome to TP
Way over my head this one but if you were to be paid for what you're planning to do then the paperwork for employing anyone is a nightmare. She might need employers liability insurance, you'd have to do on-line PAYE, national insurance, you'd have to register as self employed a whole load of things. Some of the issues were discussed on the link below. It should be very simple but unfortunately it would appear not.



Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
Contact HM Revenue and Customs and ask them what your Mum would need to do regarding paying you to care. As Kevinl said it is not straight forward.


Registered User
May 21, 2014
To be honest, it is kind of unorthodox. You can get Carers Allowance if you look after someone for more than 35 hours a week and don't earn more than £102 a week, but as for paying yourself a salary from your mum's money - I wouldn't do it before having obtained advice on this. You can use Direct Payments to buy care in or paying family members to do so, but I would find out what the going rate is and whether you are allowed to use it as a salary for yourself. Contact the usual charities and also social services for advice on what help is available and how you can pay for it. If you just take a chunk of your mum's money every month, someone could accuse you of deprivation of assets later on.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
Radcliffe on Trent
There's quite a lot of guidance about employment status and how you determine what is legally required both for you as employee/sole trader and for your mum as potential employer. You could start here, but as others have said I think you will need to get advice from HMRC, DWP etc.


It will be frustrating that you have to jump through these hoops, but these rules are in place to protect both you and your mum from problems further down the line eg you have insufficient NI contributions to qualify for a state pension. Also, sadly, there are unscrupulous relatives who would try to take a vulnerable person's money and so there have to be safeguards such as ensuring your mum has capacity to consent to any financial arrangements (or she has a financial LPA to act on her behalf).


Registered User
I am not an expert and may be wrong, so don't take my word for it without checking, but my understanding is that if a parent gives a child even quite large amounts of money, and then lives for at least seven years afterwards, then no tax needs to be paid ... so it might perhaps be worth looking into whether or not you could do this in an informal way. Perhaps if she wants to give you some money now, you could ask for a single lump sum to tide you over for a year, rather than having a complicated weekly or monthly payments system?

I think there's a potential huge danger, though. Your mum understands the situation now, but if she gets worse, there may come a time when she doesn't understand any more, and thinks you are stealing her money.

Some years ago, when my father was still totally with it, he gave me quite a large amount of money. I didn't spend much of it, because I was worried that he might need it in the future. Now he doesn't want to spend his own pension on his care ("Why do you want money? Haven't I given you enough?"), and so I find that I'm spending all this money that he wanted me to have on care bills. If he really understood what was happening, he would be extremely upset.

Ah ... I've just noticed she's your mom, not your mum. Are you in America? I'm sure all the tax rules must be very different there!
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Registered User
Apr 13, 2015

Thanks for all your replies, all very useful and good food for thought. I did want to do everything above board and realise that as ever it would not be easy. I also realise there are many pitfalls and once again thank you for your replies.

And Tara 62,.I am in the UK, it was just late at night and my thumbs got confused!