giving it all away

[fluff]

There have been a few posts about storage and hoarding - how many exeprience the complete opposite? If we let her my m-i-l would have emptied the house with her give aways. The worst thing is that she gives something away and then misses it and imagines it stolen. This has led to a lot of suspicion between friends and neighbours.

It is not so much the value (some of it is completely worthless). Even if it is valuable we wouldn't mind if she was giving a chosen item to a special friend. Or if it was stuff with no further use. But generally it is either of at least sentimental value or useful stuff, she retains the clutter and gives away clothes she wight wear. Especially annoying when it was a recent gift from one of us to try and replenish her worn out wardrobe!

She seems to think she is de-cluttering, but of course it is totally random and often embarrassing to the reciever (some is secretly returned and recycled). We have given up to the point of not interevening anymore unless someone mentions it to us

 

[Canadian Joanne]

You might want to go in and 'help' her and remove things of sentimental value or useful things, if you can. Like the hoarding, the decluttering doesn't necessarily have any rhyme or reason. If there is any thing particularly special to you, go in and get it asap. If your MIL misses it, you can say it's in storage or being repaired etc.

 

[ggma]

Just to say that I also think it is a good idea to try and remove anything of sentimental value to the family, we had the same problem. Mum had given a lot of things away in bags left at her door by 'charity collectors', and when we finally realised that a lot of things were no longer in the house it was too late. There are so many ways people become vulnerable to others through dementia, anything you can do to lessen the risks is worthwhile.

 

[Isabella41]

Mum was doing this in her old home in Southern Ireland. I've no idea where half the stuff went and when I asked her she didn't know. She would accuse me or person's unknown of breaking things. We now have 2 halves of different quite expensive china tea sets. An amazing chinese style lamp just disappeared. It was the same with clothes. I'd buy her stuff to replace the stuff that was unwearable but it would vanish. At Christmas past I bought her a rather expensive skirt as a treat. It just disappeared within 10 days. When we went to move her stuff to her 1st sheltered housing flat in Northern Ireland we discovered there was no furniture - at all - in one of the bedrooms upstairs. She couldn't explain where it all went. I asked her so called friends but no one could shed any light on it. I have seen a few items of clothing on her friends that i know mum had identical of but I can't exactly accuse them as mum may well have given the stuff away.

I have discreetly taken any of her remaining stuff that is in any way valuable and put it away for safe keeping. Strangly she actually gave me her engagement ring to keep safe. I only buy cheap clothes now so at least when they vanish it costs less to replace.

I think you probably should try to remove anything of great monetary or financial value as it's hardly likely your mum will listen to reason and stop being so generous. Again if you only buy her cheaper clothes it won't be so bad if it goes missing.

 

[itsmeagain]

Sounds like somebody`s maybe taken advantage of her Isabella. Why would the furniture disappear?
Because someone`s taken it.

 

[LinH]

Hi Fluff
My MIL was doing the same at one point. She had a stack of money that she had put aside from her pension and one day she offered me the whole lot on the quiet. I took it from her but gave it back to my FIL and told him how I had it. Slowly we took it from her so that she didn't notice and get upset and we put it into a bank account. I ly I agree that you have to be careful in this situation because they also don't know everybody they are offering things to and some people will take advantage. Some of the money did go missing and we have a pretty good idea where it went but, its proving things after the event. Sadly mum passed away in January and when we cleared the house up for my FIL we found a few things that had been stashed but never the money.
Best wishes to you
Lin