Keeping up the pretence
Hello Tony & all reading this thread
Looking again at this , at risk of sounding rather hard - there are 2 aspects - one, what the will, if there is one, says (if not - then Yes , as Sheila says legal advice is needed).
and two - it may be possible to keep things simple & just arrange for your Mum to be able to give a gift to her grandson - my personal view is a reason like , as I said before, a birthday or special time may help - no one else need know that - for your son it can still be 'from Granddad - he wanted you to have this' - because thats the truth.
My Mums been in care homes for over 7 years & had dementia for about 12 - 14 years. Been there, done that !!
Tonys post has taken me back to the early years in care homes - I started off buying & giving presents for Mum - (no one except me & hubby visited) - but after a couple of years it didnt feel right . I continued with cards from Mum & just added Mums name to the presents we gave. Some people started to do that with the cards they sent us. I hated that - I wanted Mum to be sent as many as possible to the home - so the staff could see she had friends & distant family.
In all of this, afer all the years I'd say "Listen to your inner voice, listen & watch closely the person you care for - stay quiet yourself & your heart , or whatever will guide you, then you will know what to do at each stage - it is so different for everyone - sometimes reading what others do can make you feel guilty, or set you off on the wrong track . BUT it is still good to read - it can open your eyes to new possibilities & see things you didnt see before & prepare you a bit for the future. As Norman says though "Day by Day" - dont look too far ahead.
Sorry didnt mean to preach !!!!!!! Thinking aloud here! and I hold a lot of guilt as we never talked to Mum about her diagnosis - partly as it wasnt given to us !!!!!! But thats another debate. Will it never end?
Take care everyone . Its so great having this Forum - 24/7.
Big thank you to those who got it going in first place & all who are keeping it going. 'We' must be heading for status as a MODEL for dementia discussion groups - are there any other quite like this ???????? so well used & open & supportive ?????