• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.


Tony Heare

Registered User
Sep 13, 2004
Newport, South Wales
Here I am again, picking everyone's brains! Very quickly, I'm an only child, my father died last Xmas and my mother has had Alzheimer's for 8 years and is in a local authority run care home. My parents house sold recently and when the funds become available, I would like, on behalf of my father's wishes, to gift some money to my son. All I would like to know is how to word this request to the Guardianship Office - I don't want to sound mercenary, but at the same time it's my parents money and they left me (verbal) instructions on what to do if the worst happened. Thanks to you all for any help on this.


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Dear Tony, can't really think what to do about this. It's a legal mine field. I would suggest you wait till Monday and try the Help desk as they may well have dealt with this question for others. Sorry not to be able to help, hope you and yours are OK? Love She. XX


Registered User
May 20, 2003
Dear Tony

If you havnt seen this - the Receivers Handbok is on the Public Guardianship Office website & says this about Gifts
The client may want to give presents or money to close members
of their family or to hospital staff or charities. Or you as receiver
may want to continue giving presents as the client would have
done. First of all, let us know the cost of the gifts, the occasion,
the names of the people who will receive them, their ages if
they are under 18, and their relationship to the client. You
should also let us know the current level of money under your
control. The Court may have to authorise larger gifts.
I think I'd use this angle to get their agreement rathe t han say it was your Dads wishes - I dont think the PGO can act on his behalf - only on behalf of your Mum as she is their client. I imagine they would approve a substantial gift especially if it was at a significant time eg young person going to college or 18th or engagement, buying a flat etc etc

Good luck


Registered User
May 20, 2003
Keeping up the pretence

Hello Tony & all reading this thread

Looking again at this , at risk of sounding rather hard - there are 2 aspects - one, what the will, if there is one, says (if not - then Yes , as Sheila says legal advice is needed).

and two - it may be possible to keep things simple & just arrange for your Mum to be able to give a gift to her grandson - my personal view is a reason like , as I said before, a birthday or special time may help - no one else need know that - for your son it can still be 'from Granddad - he wanted you to have this' - because thats the truth.

My Mums been in care homes for over 7 years & had dementia for about 12 - 14 years. Been there, done that !!

Tonys post has taken me back to the early years in care homes - I started off buying & giving presents for Mum - (no one except me & hubby visited) - but after a couple of years it didnt feel right . I continued with cards from Mum & just added Mums name to the presents we gave. Some people started to do that with the cards they sent us. I hated that - I wanted Mum to be sent as many as possible to the home - so the staff could see she had friends & distant family.

In all of this, afer all the years I'd say "Listen to your inner voice, listen & watch closely the person you care for - stay quiet yourself & your heart , or whatever will guide you, then you will know what to do at each stage - it is so different for everyone - sometimes reading what others do can make you feel guilty, or set you off on the wrong track . BUT it is still good to read - it can open your eyes to new possibilities & see things you didnt see before & prepare you a bit for the future. As Norman says though "Day by Day" - dont look too far ahead.

Sorry didnt mean to preach !!!!!!! Thinking aloud here! and I hold a lot of guilt as we never talked to Mum about her diagnosis - partly as it wasnt given to us !!!!!! But thats another debate. Will it never end?

Take care everyone . Its so great having this Forum - 24/7.

Big thank you to those who got it going in first place & all who are keeping it going. 'We' must be heading for status as a MODEL for dementia discussion groups - are there any other quite like this ???????? so well used & open & supportive ?????


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Dear Chris, been there and got that well worn T shirt too!! Thinking of you, love She. XX Tony, don't forget to contact Help line tomorrow, they will, I am sure be able to add to the advice you've already received. Love She. XX

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