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getting worse

Daisywoo

Registered User
Apr 23, 2017
3
My husband has had dementia for 4 years and is steadily getting worse. He thinks he is still ok but I am now getting very stressed as it is like looking after a child. I am having to think for him and of course he doesn't remember anything I tell him. My dog died two weeks ago and it seems to have had a bad effect on me. She was always here to talk to and would always come up to me to have a fuss made of her. I am feeling her loss more as it seems to have brought the situation with my husband more to the surface. I am crying every day but can't get to see my GP as they are only taking online consultations. I am at a loss as to how to deal with this situation and feel myself getting lower each day.
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
34
Oh Daisywoo, I feel for you. I lost one of my dogs in January, but still have 2 and they are the only thing that keeps me sane through all this. My situation / time frame sounds very similar to yours, although I am caring for my mother. I could not contemplate another dog at the moment. Mum and I often argue (yes, I'm afraid we are not the "Living Well with Dementia" types) and my existing dogs tend to take themseves off to bed at these times. I wouldn't wish this on a new dog. Do you have a friend or neighbour who might let you walk their dog? - assuming you are able to leave your husband to walk a dog. I know it's not the same as a dog in the house, but would give you that someone to talk to. No shame in talking to your dog - I always say I get more sense from them! I know it sounds bizarre, but have you thought of getting something like rabbits / guinea pigs. You can have "me time" tending to their needs, away from your husband, and they will listen to you, and won't care if you cry! They really can be very entertaining pets.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,985
69
Dundee
I’m so sorry to hear of your situation @Daisywoo.

I wonder if your GP would do a phone consultation rather than an online one. That might be more helpful for you.
 

GillPJ

Registered User
Jun 2, 2020
80
Your local rescue centre would probably be glad of dog walking help, and you'd meet like minded people. Alternatively fostering a more aged dog, which can be hard (as they're old and not necesssarily in the best of health) but a vital service.
At the moment I'm shouting at my dogs a lot, because mum has gone downhill and they will keep barking at things. It reminds me of the time a neighbour came over and said could you stop having bonfires as it's stressing my mother. Now I know what he meant.
I can't imagine being without a dog, I've had 5 now. I understand your feelings, but letting a new little flame into your life is one of the best things ever.
 

GillPJ

Registered User
Jun 2, 2020
80
but have you thought of getting something like rabbits / guinea pigs. You can have "me time" tending to their needs, away from your husband, and they will listen to you, and won't care if you cry! They really can be very entertaining pets.
Guinea pigs are lovely, I've had quite a few over the years, with the "weet, weet, weet" when they see you coming, all with their own personalities. They don't mix well with Jack Russell terriers, not that we ever had an incidents, just that the terriers would have liked there to have been.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
885
Southampton
what about a cat. they tend to look after themselves but they have expressive eyes. mine is a terrible smooth cat. he will sit for a longtime getting smoothed and talk to. hes just stupid like a marshmallow. we have had dogs lurcher and a rottweiler and theyve died. we couldnt commit to another one and we have always have cats. we have a budgie as well that my husband shouts at and he swawks back quite funny and hes never offended
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
496
Hello Daisywoo,
So sorry that you have lost your dog and it sounds as if it is the final straw that broke the camels back (I think that is the saying) I lost one of mine 3 weeks ago so can empathise as to how you are feeling. Ask your GP if they can do a phone consult for you, it may also be worth contacting the Blue Cross as they have a bereavement helpline which may be of some help for you (if they are still doing it).
Take care and sending hugs x
 

Jan L

Registered User
Mar 26, 2020
51
My husband has had dementia for 4 years and is steadily getting worse. He thinks he is still ok but I am now getting very stressed as it is like looking after a child. I am having to think for him and of course he doesn't remember anything I tell him. My dog died two weeks ago and it seems to have had a bad effect on me. She was always here to talk to and would always come up to me to have a fuss made of her. I am feeling her loss more as it seems to have brought the situation with my husband more to the surface. I am crying every day but can't get to see my GP as they are only taking online consultations. I am at a loss as to how to deal with this situation and feel myself getting lower each day.
Oh dear @Daisyloo I am so sorry to read that your dog has died, that's the trouble with pets you get very attached to them and then they die and you are left bereft. I appreciate it is all the more difficult when you are also losing your Husband to dementia. I often think about getting a cat, we have had cats at various times over the years, but didn't replace the last one because we didn't want to be tied, however, as my Husband has been suffering with dementia from before he retired 12 years ago, we might as well have had one because we haven't done very much and certainly won't be doing anything in the future as he can barely walk, can't speak and doesn't understand a word I say, he can't do a thing for himself just wants to sleep all the time. I wouldn't have minded a dog but I have no experience of looking after/training one and I think I am too old now to take on another pet but they are good company. There have been some good suggestions made by others on here so I should pursue one of those and see how you feel and get another one when you are ready.