Getting violent

[Razzz]

Hello, I'm here because I just don't know what to do... This all started during the hospital period.
My dad's been in the hospital for over 2 months due to a pancreas infection. After his surgery, he had spent 2 weeks in the emergency room and now became stable enough to be in a normal hospital room...
But when he was in the emergency room he had problems with his breathing which caused the doctors to cut a hole through the neck and insert a tube to help him breath. Of course it was uncomfortable for him and sometimes he would look helpless and tried to forcefully remove it(which he did do once).
Me and my mom would look after him 24/7 taking turns sleeping. The first few days when he came to the normal hospital room he would always close his eyes for 10 minutes and wake up repeatedly. I think he has memory issues at this point because he would ask the same questions over and over again. (It was about what the things in the room were like his medications).
It was manageable then still but after he forcefully removed his tube, the doctor decided that even though he needed it for a bit longer, the psychological stress would be worse in the long run. So now, we're just waiting for his rehabilitation of his legs and throat(for him to eat food).
But he's getting worse and worse each night.. The doctors did prescribe medication but it didn't work. Until now he had tried to take the tape off this throat (it's healing atm) so we would stop him. But I guess he felt attacked because today when we held his hands to he used his strength to try to break free and remove it. He said things to my mom like 'Why are you telling a dead person they're alive?' then proceed trying to hit her when she tries to hold him down so he wouldn't injure himself. The later on he would say 'Why are you trying to kill an alive person(him)?' and got mad at her. He was never this violent before.. Before he would only kick the edges of the bed with his feet like a tantrum. But today.. He tried to twist my arms so I would let go, he tried to hurt mom and used his legs to try to kick us off. We would normally not hold him down if he didn't try to harm himself but he then pilled my hair, call me a crazy bitch over and over and overall it was just really scary. I know today was just a start but it probably will be more intense and I don't know if we can keep doing this and avoid hurting ourselves. He's been in the hospital but he still has the strength to over power us soon and we didn't want to resort to tying him up for 8 hours.
He doesn't really remember those nights when we ask him.. He doesn't remember what he does.
He's suffering from deliriim when he looks up and hallucinates. He thinks the patients next to him are his neighborhood cousins...
I don't know what to do...
I don't know if we leave the hospital if he will stop being violent like today..
If he could just eat really we could take him home and come back when he becomes mentally stable but honestly he came from a 12 hour trip plane ride... So nothing here in this place is familiar to him...
I'm honestly really unsure on what we can do... He can't drink water without a possibility of it going down the wrong pipe. Him drinking water made him feel suffocated several occassions. We have no choice but to let the doctors fix him but idk if he can stand another day without it escalating..
I don't know...what to do...

 

[Amethyst59]

What a horrible situation you are in...but I would think that the very first thing you can do is ask the nursing staff and /or the doctors who are looking after your dad. Where were they when he was so agitated? I wouldn’t have thought he will be discharged until he is drinking and eating, but again you could ask them.
I am glad that you have found TP though. Other people, who might have been in your situation, will see this post and may have more constructive advice for you.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Razzz, that sounds like there is a lot going on. If I’m reading it right your dad is still in hospital. Are the staff aware of all of this? I would have thought that the hospital staff might be best placed to assist you.

 

[LadyA]

Gosh, @Razzz that's a lot to cope with. Can I ask though, why are you and your mum having to try and cope with this, in the hospital? And what do the doctors say about it?
Is your dad on any medication (eg morphine) that might be contributing to his behaviour? Or is there any infection going on? Infections, even mild ones, can cause havoc in people with dementia.
I think the first and best thing would be a "gloves off" chat with the doctors. I doubt if you could cope for long at home with your dad, if things didn't improve.

 

[Razzz]

What a horrible situation you are in...but I would think that the very first thing you can do is ask the nursing staff and /or the doctors who are looking after your dad. Where were they when he was so agitated? I wouldn’t have thought he will be discharged until he is drinking and eating, but again you could ask them.
I am glad that you have found TP though. Other people, who might have been in your situation, will see this post and may have more constructive advice for you.

The hospital room we're in isn't a nurse per room so when he's agitated we're always in the room with him. He usually always wakes up at night really tense and until today always said he felt suffocated.. The doctors believe it's due to deliriim because all of his lungs and systems are working fine. We're also at the part of the hospital where they specialize in pancreatitis and inner organs so they're help is limited. They also say that online they read to fix delirium the best way is to go home but that's not possible atm..
Thank u for replying too.

 

[Razzz]

Gosh, @Razzz that's a lot to cope with. Can I ask though, why are you and your mum having to try and cope with this, in the hospital? And what do the doctors say about it?
Is your dad on any medication (eg morphine) that might be contributing to his behaviour? Or is there any infection going on? Infections, even mild ones, can cause havoc in people with dementia.
I think the first and best thing would be a "gloves off" chat with the doctors. I doubt if you could cope for long at home with your dad, if things didn't improve.

The hospital we're at made us sign a contract not to leave him because he can't do things on his own. There's always an option of paying for help but I feel that theyd just tie his hands and feet up at night. That's what we're afraid of really..
The doctors here have been helpful and mindful of his mental state because they took his tubes out and allowed him to ride the wheelchair from now on.
He came in because of an infection but they said it's pretty much gone. All of his health results are positive but they say it's more of a psychological issue. My mom has frequent chats with the doctors but they specialize in organs where they can't find a single major problem.
Right now the only medication he takes is for his phlegm to go away and is given morphine only when he's super tense and stressed. But those only really work for an hour or so.

 

[Amethyst59]

I’ve never heard of hospital discharge being a cure for delirium! I think you really must get your questions answered by a doctor.

 

[Razzz]

Yes

Hello @Razzz, that sounds like there is a lot going on. If I’m reading it right your dad is still in hospital. Are the staff aware of all of this? I would have thought that the hospital staff might be best placed to assist you.

Yes he's still at the hospital. The staff are aware of his and take it into consideration trying to shorten the processing time. I think by a half to a month his rehabilitation will be complete but idk if all of us can stand it until then.

 

[DeMartin]

Hello, I'm here because I just don't know what to do... This all started during the hospital period.
My dad's been in the hospital for over 2 months due to a pancreas infection. After his surgery, he had spent 2 weeks in the emergency room and now became stable enough to be in a normal hospital room...
But when he was in the emergency room he had problems with his breathing which caused the doctors to cut a hole through the neck and insert a tube to help him breath. Of course it was uncomfortable for him and sometimes he would look helpless and tried to forcefully remove it(which he did do once).
Me and my mom would look after him 24/7 taking turns sleeping. The first few days when he came to the normal hospital room he would always close his eyes for 10 minutes and wake up repeatedly. I think he has memory issues at this point because he would ask the same questions over and over again. (It was about what the things in the room were like his medications).
It was manageable then still but after he forcefully removed his tube, the doctor decided that even though he needed it for a bit longer, the psychological stress would be worse in the long run. So now, we're just waiting for his rehabilitation of his legs and throat(for him to eat food).
But he's getting worse and worse each night.. The doctors did prescribe medication but it didn't work. Until now he had tried to take the tape off this throat (it's healing atm) so we would stop him. But I guess he felt attacked because today when we held his hands to he used his strength to try to break free and remove it. He said things to my mom like 'Why are you telling a dead person they're alive?' then proceed trying to hit her when she tries to hold him down so he wouldn't injure himself. The later on he would say 'Why are you trying to kill an alive person(him)?' and got mad at her. He was never this violent before.. Before he would only kick the edges of the bed with his feet like a tantrum. But today.. He tried to twist my arms so I would let go, he tried to hurt mom and used his legs to try to kick us off. We would normally not hold him down if he didn't try to harm himself but he then pilled my hair, call me a crazy bitch over and over and overall it was just really scary. I know today was just a start but it probably will be more intense and I don't know if we can keep doing this and avoid hurting ourselves. He's been in the hospital but he still has the strength to over power us soon and we didn't want to resort to tying him up for 8 hours.
He doesn't really remember those nights when we ask him.. He doesn't remember what he does.
He's suffering from deliriim when he looks up and hallucinates. He thinks the patients next to him are his neighborhood cousins...
I don't know what to do...
I don't know if we leave the hospital if he will stop being violent like today..
If he could just eat really we could take him home and come back when he becomes mentally stable but honestly he came from a 12 hour trip plane ride... So nothing here in this place is familiar to him...
I'm honestly really unsure on what we can do... He can't drink water without a possibility of it going down the wrong pipe. Him drinking water made him feel suffocated several occassions. We have no choice but to let the doctors fix him but idk if he can stand another day without it escalating..
I don't know...what to do...

Razz could you tell us your location roughly, ie In Britain, USA, Australia, members stretch all over,

 

[Razzz]

I’ve never heard of hospital discharge being a cure for delirium! I think you really must get your questions answered by a doctor.

I don't know if it's called delirium in english but he does have some of that but mostly it's because he doesn't remember properly because we're in a new place for so long. And he can't do anything on his own like go to the bathroom so maybe it's those aspects they're talking about. The hallunications started only during the hospital tok.

 

[Razzz]

Im

Razz could you tell us your location roughly, ie In Britain, USA, Australia, members stretch all over,

I'm in korea atm. I got worried and tried to search things online but couldn't find what I was looking for.. I honestly posted because I was at a loss of what I can do.

 

[Amethyst59]

Ah, I guess the systems there will be very different. I assumed you were in the UK. Sorry.

 

[Razzz]

Ah, I guess the systems there will be very different. I assumed you were in the UK. Sorry.

It's okay. It really cheered me up that people here are trying to help me anyway.

 

[canary]

When mum had pneumonia she too got delirium. She was trying to pull out her canulla from the back of her hand, so the nurses bandaged her hands up like boxing gloves for a few days so that the antibiotics could get into her. I dont know if this might work? Restraining him could cause him an injury.

I am rather concerned that the doctors dont seem to know much about dementia. When someone with dementia has an infection or an operation this can cause problems at the time, but can also lead to the dementia getting worse. Delirium can last up to 6 months and although it can improve they very seldom get back to where they were before. I think it is very likely that your dad has lost mobility due to the dementia.

What happens to people with dementia in korea? In UK someone who is as confused and aggressive as your dad would not be allowed home and would go to a dementia unit or dementia nursing home

 

[karaokePete]

Im

I'm in korea atm. I got worried and tried to search things online but couldn't find what I was looking for.. I honestly posted because I was at a loss of what I can do.

I have flagged your post to see if the Society can point you in the right direction for help in Korea. It’s a long shot but I thought it worth a try to see if anyone can give you some information. Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[Razzz]

When mum had pneumonia she too got delirium. She was trying to pull out her canulla from the back of her hand, so the nurses bandaged her hands up like boxing gloves for a few days so that the antibiotics could get into her. I dont know if this might work? Restraining him could cause him an injury.

I am rather concerned that the doctors dont seem to know much about dementia. When someone with dementia has an infection or an operation this can cause problems at the time, but can also lead to the dementia getting worse. Delirium can last up to 6 months and although it can improve they very seldom get back to where they were before. I think it is very likely that your dad has lost mobility due to the dementia.

What happens to people with dementia in korea? In UK someone who is as confused and aggressive as your dad would not be allowed home and would go to a dementia unit or dementia nursing home

The thing is that he didn't have dementia but he started having memory loss unable to remember who we are or our names. The source of all the problems can be said to be caused by being in the hospital too long and him being totally dependent for all that time..

 

[Razzz]

I have flagged your post to see if the Society can point you in the right direction for help in Korea. It’s a long shot but I thought it worth a try to see if anyone can give you some information. Best of luck to you and your family.

Thank you very much. It means a lot.

 

[evitakat]

This aggression is so upsetting and exhausting. My mother has been in hospital for 5 months and has deteriorated hugely in that time. She was screaming at me today that she hated me and wished I was dead. She was screaming at me that her mother had told her how horrible I was (my grandmother died when I was a baby) and that she had always hated me. She was hitting me and trying to grab my hair. I noticed that her fingernails were blue. I wish this would end. She was discharged at one point when we were told that her confusion might abate when she was back in familiar surroundings out of the hospital. This wasn't the case and she was readmitted wihin 2 days. I'm just trying to say that this can be a part of dementia and hospital stays can make things much worse. A doctor told me that every week in hospital for an elderly person can knock a year off their life expectancy. I hope things are resolved for you quickly.

 

[LadyA]

@Razzz I found this. I'm not sure if it's any help. It seems there is an Alzheimer's Society in Korea. https://www.alz.org/asian/overview.asp?nL=KO&dL=KO Or maybe this is in the US, and just in the language of Korea? I am not sure.

 

[LadyA]

There's also this one, which does seem to be in Korea: http://asian.cmesociety.org/sudan/seoul/alzheimers-association-korea