Getting towards the end

[gozogirl60]

I care for my Mum 87 who was diagnosed with Alzheimers and vascular dementia last year. She is fading fast. She has always been very negative. Over the last 2 months, she has been very difficult to feed, so now I am giving her the high calorie drinks. For a week she had almost stopped the constant toilet going after every meal (I don't think she absorbed a lot of nutrients) but this has now started again. She has had 2 falls in the last 2 weeks, and is down to 6 stone. I am keeping her hydrated, have a carer coming in twice daily to help wash her etc, but feel so useless and that I'm failing her in some way. I'm also caring for my 95 year old bed-bound Father. Would it be better to catheterize her so that she doesn't risk a fall in the night?
Do any of you have any advice if there is anything I can giver her food/nutrients wise? I know this is often a symtom of end stage, but boy, this is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, and this is a condition that really does devastate. Thank you.

 

[Izzy]

Have you talked to your mum's GP about palliative care? It might be useful to have district nurses out on a regular basis if that were possible. My mum died 4 years ago next week (vascular dementia). In her last week's we were well supported by the team from our GP surgery.

 

[Cat27]

Welcome to TP.

You have got an awful lot on your plate. As Izzy says the GP should be able to provide help for you all. Ask them to come out & assess the situation.

 

[Hazara8]

I care for my Mum 87 who was diagnosed with Alzheimers and vascular dementia last year. She is fading fast. She has always been very negative. Over the last 2 months, she has been very difficult to feed, so now I am giving her the high calorie drinks. For a week she had almost stopped the constant toilet going after every meal (I don't think she absorbed a lot of nutrients) but this has now started again. She has had 2 falls in the last 2 weeks, and is down to 6 stone. I am keeping her hydrated, have a carer coming in twice daily to help wash her etc, but feel so useless and that I'm failing her in some way. I'm also caring for my 95 year old bed-bound Father. Would it be better to catheterize her so that she doesn't risk a fall in the night?
Do any of you have any advice if there is anything I can giver her food/nutrients wise? I know this is often a symtom of end stage, but boy, this is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, and this is a condition that really does devastate. Thank you.

Yes, you should at least be receiving guidelines from your mother's GP/surgery and visits from the District Nurse. You have a great deal on your plate that is quite clear. The least you should expect is serious and professional help. Yes, it IS very hard. But you are a real inspiration and remember - it is NOT your fault. This wretched disease afflicts so many and so many folk out there are performing miracles. Contact the surgery and don't accept anything but a proper follow-up.

 

[Trishdud]

Tempting foods

Hi there. I sometimes think we are near the end too. My mom is in hospital after an infection. She is very weak and rambling and not eating much at all. I think all you can do is try to tempt with old favourites like tinned mandarins and evaporated milk, bananas, grapes and whatever they remember from younger days. We try to avoid very fatty foods even though my mom grew up on bread and dripping, cos it tends to upset older stomachs. Cups of tea with sugar, extra sugar give calories. Basically even salt at 91 we have decided she can have if she wants and makes food more palitable. What harm will it do now? Ice cream is another winner. Strawberries or raspberries with cream add calories and home made Victoria sponge. Ultimately though, if they give up, you have to respect those wishes too, my mum prays every day for God to take her. It's so sad, so I sympathise with you and please take some comfort in knowing that others are with you. It's easy to feel guilty, but this disease is horrid. It's not your fault.