Getting things off my chest

[Zooey]

Sorry I didn't reply to the other thread about extra medication, but I've been away for a couple of days. Isn't it always the way? I'm a couple of hundred miles away from home, our alarm is playing up, one of my chickens is dying and my Mum's boiler isn't working. Then I get home to find my Mum can't get out of her chair even with the help of a carer. They called the doctor, who refused to come out. He reckons my Mum has missed loads of hospital appointments. Yes she did, because I didn't know she had AD then and she was throwing the cards in the bin. Anyway, what does that have to do with him coming out?! He has delayed getting a psycho-geriatric consultant in and even rang me at work to complain when the care manager chased him up.

The care manager checked up about the antibiotics that were making my Mum sick and he was told they were in case of a urine infection. The tests were OK, so I didn't bother about finding someone to give them. Then today, 11 days after they were prescribed, the DN says no, the doctor is wrong and they were for a leg infection, so my Mum needs them after all. The doctor won't do whatever is necessary to get the extra pills in the dosset box for the carers, so I'm back at square one.

My Mum is looking very old and frail now and I can't help but think she would be far better off in the nursing home we found close to where we live. My Mum is desperate to move, but the social services won't consider it until they have exhausted every cheaper option to keep her safe. She's been stuck in her chair for 3 months now and relies on the carers to take her to the toilet. She also wants to sleep in bed, but that's just not possible at the moment. They're bringing in a hospital type bed next week, but I don't feel she can cope with the controls. She can't even make the TV work these days.

I'm afraid I've started damaging myself. It's mostly down to the redundancy and the appalling way we are being treated. I've known for 6 months that my job is going to India and yet they still haven't done any of the things they promised to help us. The job is going in 4 weeks and I still haven't even had my notice. Heaven only knows how I'll pay the vet bills for our 45 animals. We had annual boosters the other week and that was £300 more than my entire October salary.

Sorry for that. I feel a bit better now.

 

[Skye]

Dear Zooey

It sounds as if you have too much to cope with at the moment. It does seem as if your mum would be better off in a NH close to you. If she's unable to care for herself, and can't get out of her chair unaided, it's sheer cruelty to leave her alone.

Have you rung the AS helpline? They may be able suggest something you could do.

Now for you. If you are damaging yourself, you need some help. Have you seen your own doctor? Worries about your job, money, your mum, are all to much for you to cope with on your own.

You could also contact the Princess Royal Trust for Carers, if there is a branch local to you. They are wonderfully supportive, and may also have some suggestions for your mum.

Please get some help, and keep posting to let us know how you are.

Love and hugs,

 

[Zooey]

Thank you very much for your reply. I'm afraid things are changing from hour to hour at the moment. Yesterday I spoke to a carer who said she had got my Mum up and to the toilet earlier in the week. The care manager said there hadn't been any incontinence problems, so they thought my Mum was managing on her own, but forgetting about it. I had my doubts. I've just had a call from the district nurse who couldn't even get my Mum up with a helper. My Mum had already wet herself and is distraught. They've changed her nightie, but can't move her to clean everywhere. They are now waiting for the out of hours doctor to send her to hospital. They are going to see what is behind the mobility problem and if they can do anything to get my Mum mobile again. Failing that, I suppose she will need a hoist to move her about.

Does anyone happen to know how this might affect our wishes for her to move into the care home? Social Services have been hoping the bed and a booster chair (being delivered very soon) would keep her at home a while longer. She is desperate to come and live near us, but they want to try the cheapest options before resorting to care. Also, when my husband and I visited the home, they had a vacancy in the care wing. The manager felt at the time my Mum didn't need nursing. With her present situation - does it mean that she needs more care and could only move to the nursing wing? I'm not sure where they draw the line.

 

[Skye]

Dear Zooey

It does sound as if your mum may have an UTI. Her symptoms sound the same as John's were, he completely lost mobility.

UTIs can cause huge neurological damage, and the patient may recover completely, partially, or not at all. Sadly, John has not recovered form the neurological damage, although je did recover some mobility.

It may make it easier for you to get approval for a NH, but you'll have to wait and see how well your mum recovers. It could be that she'll need nursing or EMI care. I don't think you can make any arrangements until you have more information. John was in hospital for a month with his infection, so you will have time to prepare.

That's assuming that it is an UTI, of course, it may not be.

Keep posting and let us know.

Love,

 

[Zooey]

Skye,

Thank you so much for your help. You've done more to explain and help than the entire NHS tonight (see my latest post). The doctor prescribed antibiotics about 12 days ago, but just left the packet for my Mum. I (and the carers) had no idea until several days later. My Mum had only taken 2 tablets by then and she should have taken 16. I chased up to be told it was only a precaution and test results showed they weren't needed after all. Then I heard from the nurse yesterday that they WERE needed, but the doctor won't do whatever is necessary to get the antibiotics in the dosset box. Excuse my language, but if he's messed up again I'm going to have him nailed from the London Eye by his private parts!

Of course, now I've had a full blown argument with the ambulance crew who flatly refused to take my Mum into hospital tonight. As I said, I'm afraid that I've already been damaging myself (I put my fist through a glass door yesterday morning) and is it any wonder?

Update - the out of hours doctor has walked down to A&E and they have no problem at all with taking my Mum tonight. I've had a very poor apology from the ambulance man and I left him grumbling that if 2 nurses couldn't get my Mum up, there were only 2 of them to get her out of the house. Quite frankly I don't give a damn.

 

[Skye]

Oh, that's better! Disregard my post on your other thread.

I hope your mum is soon better -- and you take care of yourself.

Love,

 

[Cate]

Hi Zooey

To check out if you have been selected fairly for redundancy, received all the requirements for redundancy e.g. consultation period etc., check out the Web Site below.


www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/RedundancyAndLeavingYourJob/index.htm -

Well done on getting mum into hospital, I hope they are able to make her feel more comfortable soon.

Look after yourself.

Cate xx

 

[Zooey]

Thank for for that link Cate. I'll follow it up when I have a bit more time.

 

[fearful fiona]

Dear Zooey

Very distressed to read all this, but it sounds as though things will get sorted for your Mum.

Now, about that fist through the door, I can totally understand how you felt. I wonder if you really mean to hurt yourself or just need to work out the frustration. I had some terrible times with my Mum when she and my Dad were at home and I remember coming back one evening to my house and thumping a cushion and screaming at the top of my voice.

Hope this helps.

 

[Zooey]

Mental note - place cushions all round the house

 

[Skye]

Sense of humour restored! Well done!