getting there but still struggling

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by poppet, Feb 16, 2008.

  1. poppet

    poppet Registered User

    Aug 3, 2007
    70
    hi all,
    well things are begining to move forward in terms of equipment to help mil at home. getting a sensor on the door, a new device for medication...this sounds good...it has a 28 day cycle with and alarm that goes on for up to an hour every day or until mil takes her meds. in theroy sounds great but i suspect she will have difficulty with it anyway. also getting an emergency pendent and a special smoke detector.
    the lady that visited mil also went round saying to her in a very amusing matron manner, "that will go and that"...referring to mil's rugs...!!! this is good because her balance is not so good now.
    we have had a huge increse in the number of phone calls we get in a day...very tiring and i have just had her on the phone asking if i can get 'little (name of my son)" a duffal coat as they are going down for a comic and sweets. i tried to tell her its ok as george was here. she said no he's here. i said try the touch tecnique the Dr suggested. she said yes he's all soft. i said are you touching the sofa? 'yes thats right' she replies...i say well 'he' is not there then is he, 'he' is here do you want to talk to him. the conversation is cut short and well i am in the dog house again cause i have taken her child and am not including her in the upbringing!!!
    any ideas on how best to deal with this...she frequently says about getting clothes for these people and i have had to stop her from buying new from M & S!!! maybe i could leave my sons old/spare coat round there as a deterant? has anyone else had issues such as this and what did you do?
    poppet
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,429
    Hi poppet - glad to see you back.

    A few suggestions (which you may have already tried or won't work)

    Could you say that you've already brought a comic (or whatever) and you'll be bringing it shortly - don't want to spoil the child.

    It's too cold/wet/hot to go out.

    You've got the coat or whatever and you'll bring it round in a while.

    You'll note that none of those address the fact that there is no child there. The reason for that is: I don't think you'll be able to persuade her that there isn't a child there.
     
  3. barraf

    barraf Registered User

    Mar 27, 2004
    308
    Huddersfield
    Hello Poppet
    Jennifer is right, agree, and lie through your teeth, do not argue you are just wasting your breath.

    It is all trial and error and then more trial, you need the patience of Job, and the constitution of an Ox, but you will eventually get to see the light. Well it is more like a dim candle really.

    Keep fighting for more help, pile on the agony each time you are questioned by which ever service you are dsaling with at the time.

    I personally found that if I thought of Margaret as a baby, I could deal with her tantrums and endless questions much easier.

    Cheers Barraf
     
  4. poppet

    poppet Registered User

    Aug 3, 2007
    70
    hi all,

    just had to come on to off load...so very tired and tearful over mil and the endless battle with my bil. every time i think we are getting nearer to seeng the same thing, some other service/tool/aid/other so called helpful thing or person comes along and directs him back to 'everything is fine' mode...i can (to a point) deal with mil and all her strange comings and goings but to have this frustration with bil is getting too much and i feel i am going to explode. :(:mad:
    nothing can really be done about this as i know very well that this is all a 'denial' thing and until he can see the dangers etc then things wont change...he's just that kind of person. if you told him black was black then it would be white until he said it was black...arhhh:mad:

    thanks for listening
    poppet
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,429
    Listening poppet, but just wish I could make the BIL see reason. I think you're correct though - most attempts won't work. These people are like the proverbial horse - you can lead it to water etc.

    Try not to let it get you too frustrated.
     

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