Getting The Right Carer

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Norrms, May 16, 2015.

  1. Norrms

    Norrms Registered User

    Feb 19, 2009
    5,300
    Male
    Torquay Devon
    Getting the right carer


    This week I learnt that my carer John, who has been with me for two years now is leaving for pastures new (More money so can’t blame him as he has a family) and to say I will miss him will be an understatement. We have become firm friends, been on many adventures together and had so many laughs. Yes, we have had our ups and downs, and I have been known to be quite difficult during the times I was feeling depressed, but never the less we persevered and got through it. I had a succession of carers, about five in a year before john, and none of them suited, so this is not an exact science, but what we did learn is to make sure things were in place now before just contacting an agency .

    I receive direct payments and can pick and choose who I have, and the lesson we have learned is to make sure you follow some simple rules, these are a few.

    Always try to get someone who has the same interests, I had two carers who, after listening to them, I was losing the will to live!!LOL if you have similar interests in common you will always have something to talk about.
    in the case of early onset in younger people please please try and match the age !! This sound like it should be done as a course of common sense but you wouldn't believe how often it doesn't happen!!

    Fresh air is medicine in itself, so please make sure the carer is willing to take the person out anywhere they want to and share the day with them. Getting out and about keep the mind open, searching, and watching new things happen as the day goes by, new places, new experiences and also something to talk about when they get home

    Understanding of the level of Spatial awareness is paramount as I would quite happily walk into the road if not watched and helped, I am also helped out of the car and NEVER on the side of the road with traffic passing, always pavement side.

    A good relationship with yourselves as well is so important and they need to feel they can tell you anything and report back to you happenings during the time they are with the Person with dementia, open and honest dialogue is so important for the well-being or the patient./Client/ etc

    But most of all, please make sure the person with dementia is Happy with their carer, ask them at regular intervals and look for signs when they say something that they are maybe not quite happy with.I shall miss my carer john, he has become a great friend and a friend of the family . I shall miss going fishing with him, Bowling with him, sharing the same sense of humor, laughing at the same things, talking about football and beer, and just DOING the same things i used to do before this AWFUL Illness of dementia invaded my brain.

    yes he will leave a void, and i know it will be so hard to find someone like him, but i will, no matter how long it takes, because, as i say at the beginning of this post

    Its SO IMPORTANT to GET THE RIGHT CARER

    Norrms , Diagnosed with dementia 7 years ago, aged 50

    Please share
     
  2. Louby65

    Louby65 Registered User

    Mar 26, 2014
    620
    Scotland
    Hello Norrms. You are absolutely right about getting the right carer. I look after my mum who has dementia . She had a stoke 26 yrs ago and was diagnosed with dementia many years ago but until last year managed fairly well . She lives with me and I noticed last year her condition deteriorating and after a spell in hospital I knew she could never manage without help . I work full time so I needed to know my mum would be safe when I wasn't there but I desperately wanted to avoid care homes , though I know that can be unavoidable . I advertised for a carer on an agency website and got a lot of replies but none matched my exact requirements . I was on the phone to my sister , discussing re advertising , crying to her that I would probably have to put my mum in a home when an email ' pinged' into my mailbox . The answer to my wishes came through right there and then ! I read the email and couldn't believe that this person could be the answer to my prayers . I organised a date and time to meet her with my mum and as soon as I seen her interact with my mum I knew she was the one . She is absolutely fantastic and has transformed our lives . My mum is so happy with her . I check on my mum in the morning before I go to work , and when I say that Lynn will look after her today her eyes light up ! With my long hours my mum was often on her own but not anymore . She is never on her own and is deservedly spoiled rotten by Lynn. Their relationship is one of love and kindness and it makes me so happy to know that my mum is being looked after . Finding the right carer not only enhances the life of the person they care for but also enhances the life of a very grateful daughter who only wants the best for her mum. I do hope you find someone who will care for you as much as your previous friend . Good luck .


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  3. Norrms

    Norrms Registered User

    Feb 19, 2009
    5,300
    Male
    Torquay Devon
    Thank you my friend xxx
     
  4. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,990
    Cotswolds
    #4 Rageddy Anne, May 17, 2015
    Last edited: May 17, 2015
    That's very helpful advice, Norrms. Thank you.

    My husband, 76, is resisting anything that resembles a Carer, but the strain on me, 75, is beginning to tell, so it must happen. Everything you've said will help.. I'm sure another perfect person will come along and soon you will have another new friend.

    And that person will be lucky to have you as a friend...:):)
     
  5. Norrms

    Norrms Registered User

    Feb 19, 2009
    5,300
    Male
    Torquay Devon
    Thank you dear friend xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  6. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    I have always believed that employing a carer without the restraints of a care agency is the best way to go. I have a wonderful lady who sits with my mum a couple of hours per week, the rest of the week she unfortunately works for a care agency and they have sometimes put pressure on her to cut down her private work hours and step in at the last minute elsewhere. Its crazy because she only works part time for them, but she is so good and I feel sometimes they take advantage of her, problem then is if they carry on like this they will loose her.
     
  7. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,203
    Merseyside
    I hope you find another friend soon Norms xx
     
  8. Norrms

    Norrms Registered User

    Feb 19, 2009
    5,300
    Male
    Torquay Devon
  9. Louby65

    Louby65 Registered User

    Mar 26, 2014
    620
    Scotland
    Hi Norrms, how did you get on with getting a carer . I hope things have worked out for you .


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  10. Norrms

    Norrms Registered User

    Feb 19, 2009
    5,300
    Male
    Torquay Devon
    Not found one yet, thank you for asking xxxxxx
     
  11. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,990
    Cotswolds
    Hello Norrms,
    I hope the right person comes along soon.We have a lovely chap who's been coming to spend time with my husband for a few months now, a few hours at a time. A lady from the Alzheimer's society introduced us.
    Best wishes....
     

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