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Getting the bus

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
227
I think my father (discussed in another thread) will now accept resentfully that he can no longer drive as his licence has been revoked. He really thinks his life is over as a result and he does not want to go on if he cannot drive. He doesn't acknowledge that he has a diagnosis or that his memory is now very bad. He thinks he willl be imprisoned and unable to do anything. I am thinking of trying to take him shopping to a local town by bus to show him that there is life without a car. There are only two per day but it can be done. He has probably not caught a bus for 70 years so it will be completely new to him if he agrees to do it with me, which he may not.

I am however concerned that a PWD might get lost, and miss the bus home when I am not there. He is physically capable of this although he might find it tiring. I am wondering if others have tried doing this and how they got on....?
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,040
When dad lost his car I just became his personal taxi. I actually kept his car and he was okay with me being his new 'minder' as he would call me. I stopped working soon after this as dad became unwell and needed a lot more of my time but I would advise against doing that if at all possible.

I don't think I can offer any advice, I know my dad would never have managed using buses but then again he had not used a bus for about the same time period as your dad. I would give it a try if I were you and see how he gets on, he may surprise you or he may not.

Well done with getting him to accept not driving.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,854
we gave up the car when the consultant said I cannot stop you driving but I would advise it.
choosing bus times carefully we were able to be in town for two hours. Even at that stage I would not have been happy for my husband to have gone in alone, a small distraction and he could have been stranded.
On a cold day The two hours was too long. your father will not improve long term, he may find ways to adapt but I would advise to look ahead.
could you arrange a regular taxi? Of course that would not guarantee your father would be there for the journey home.
you want to avoid anything that causes Loss of confidence.
what about the housing situation? Would extra care housing be possible so needs are met but there is freedom too.
some people shop on line for parents.
I am not being gloomy but life is smoother if you are proactive rather than reactive in an emergency.
I ensured life was interesting and as stimulating as possible, it is far from easy. Perhaps a companion could be arranged. Costly but perhaps a part answer.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,132
Scotland
When my husband had to stop
Driving he was happy to take the local
Bus with his travel card. The problem was he was heading to places which no longer existed and so he often got lost. Sometimes he worked his way back with help from others and sometimes either myself or the police had to go and get him. At this stage I was using his mobile phone and later a tracker. After a year or two of that I had to be with him at all times. That continued until he died. Seven years in total.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
227
When my husband had to stop
Driving he was happy to take the local
Bus with his travel card. The problem was he was heading to places which no longer existed and so he often got lost. Sometimes he worked his way back with help from others and sometimes either myself or the police had to go and get him. At this stage I was using his mobile phone and later a tracker. After a year or two of that I had to be with him at all times. That continued until he died. Seven years in total.
How did the tracker work? That sounds interesting. My dad can barely use a mobile phone.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,132
Scotland
At first my husband would answer his phone and I could guide him back home. I then bought a tracker for £200 which relayed a position to my phone. That was in 2015. Now an old smart phone would do the same thing better. Using the Find my Phone app.
 
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MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
227
I took my father shopping by bus. He had not been on a bus for decades. It went smoothly with me guiding him and we spent almost an hour having coffee and reading the newspaper whilst waiting until it was time for the bus home. However, he asked where we had left the car when we came out of the supermarket, and when I said it was time to go to the (name of hotel), which is where the bus departs, he asked if we were going there for lunch. So I am not sure if he could cope on his own. If he were to miss the bus there isn't another for 5 hours, he struggles to use a mobile phone, and might not cope with finding a taxi office on foot. So although I have proven to him that it is possible to go out without driving I am still not sure about this strategy.
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,307
Ensure that he has his,and your addresses written down in his wallet, and jacket pocket.
Perhaps even some of the school type name tags in his clothes "SOS 0777xxxxxxx" your mobile number. Then if the police get involved a search will reunite you both.

Bod.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,040
@MartinWL When my dad mislaid his car while shopping he was helped by a kindly stranger. I think that the event of losing his car set his alzhiemers into a bit of a spiral. All the time he had the car he was just about coping with day to day life but as soon as the car was gone he became confused much quicker. I can't be absolutely sure of this, it's a bit like the chicken and the egg. Which came first, the losing of the car or the extra confusion.

Dad could never have remembered to get the bus home and would probably have spent the rest of the day looking for his car and I think your dad sounds much the same. Dad never went out on his own again after this except for a little walk around the block.

It was an incredibly difficult thing to deal with at the time but dad eventually settled into having me run him around everywhere. You may not be able to do this so probably a taxi is the best option but then again he may forget that he took a taxi and still go looking for his car. I suppose you will just have to try it out and see what happens. I wish you luck with this.