1. Patti

    Patti Registered User

    Mar 22, 2006
    West Yorkshire
    Mum in law has deteriorated quite a lot over the past few months. She rarely knows dad and is desperate to get this 'strange man' out of the house. She has been going to the next door neighbour for help and tonight went 3 times - the last one at 10.30. The neighbour although very kind is finding it hard work and although my husband went and settled her (we thought) at about 9pm it didn't work for long. She is refusing to take any tablets, and yesterday told my husband that she had no children and that he was a bad man. Father in law is totally unable to cope any more. He can move slowly and with difficulty but she can run rings around him. We told the memory clinic that she was getting worse last week and they confirmed that their last visitin March showed her score had dropped to 15 from 25 last year. They said that they would contact social services, but the situation is getting worse by the day. Can we ask for her to be admitted for respite care ourselves?

    Hope someone has some advice please.

  2. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    Hi Patti

    Don't wait for the 'memory clinic' to contact social services (personal experience kicking in here:( ) My advice would be call your social services and ask for the duty social worker if you haven't already got a social worker or cpn for your MIL. Insist that you need help now due to your FIL not coping and keep insisting until they get someone to you, as this could be a safety issue for both your FIL and MIL.

    take care
  3. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Respite Care

    My undertstanding is that you can get respite care any time you need it, providing you convince the social workers that it is needed, and they are usually pretty appreciative of the need. The problem is finding a place, as they are often full, but contact your social work team and insist on an appointment, and be quite clear as to what you want. But I hope you find them, as I have in the past for my mother in law, very supportive. My MIL didn't always go to a local home, and didn't always go to one she likes (heaven forbid, one of them had Bingo sessions and a man with a keyboard playing old tunes - she said it was dreadful, I'd have said it was fantastic).

    Hope you get lucky.

  4. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    Hi Patti

    Most Social Services have an emergency number you can ring and in this area they are quick to respond. Give it a try and good luck.

  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Patti dear, know nothing of your circumstances so this may not be appropriate.

    When I was first (6 years) looking for respite for Lionel, realising that we were not getting any help from anyone, placed him in respite independently.

    This worked so well, costly admitted, but we were in total control.

    (As it worked out we always had to 'go it alone', having just enough money to take us out of the safety net, .........but it was worth it.)

    At least independently we had a greater choice, and do so well remember that first respite care, 'how he enjoyed it, because he was treated just as "Lionel"
  6. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Patti
    this is good advice,your MIL should be treated as an emergency,but you will have to be persistent.
    There have been cases where SS have been told that unless SS give some urgent help they (the carer ) is going to walk out .
    Respite care is not available on demand,other than an emergency ,you will need to talk to the SW and they will apply for funding and arrange respite for you
    Have a look a this fact sheet
    Hope this is helpful

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